Correct.
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Biblically speaking. If a man/household needs a first wife's outside income, is the husband right in seeking additional wives?
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many men do not require their first wives bring in income but do require any additional wives who come in to work and take care of themselves.
For obvious practical reasons. If wife 1 is already a housewife, and wife 2 already has a job as she has been living alone, and the husband can't afford two housewives, it makes practical sense for wife 2 to keep her job at least initially.
Obviously wife 2 has the clear choice between being a working single woman and a working married woman, she doesn't have to marry on those terms if she prefers to remain single. If she has a job, she doesn't "need" him for economic reasons, it's entirely her decision whether marriage to him is desirable or not. It's got nothing to do with equal treatment - that may be an impossible fantasy unless marrying a billionaire. It's about whether marrying is the right decision for her personally under the practical terms available.
And it depends on the ages of those involved. Adding a wife who is past child bearing will likely be different to a young virgin whose hope and desire is to raise a family.
Good example of what I was talking about.
Second wife has right to shelter and food. Here potential husband can't provide. For marriage to work she was to waive her rights.
Well, the right thing is for a man to be the provider of his wife and family or wives and family. this is biblical correctness. Except when the man gets sick (which can happen at some point in life) when the man gets sick it is logical that the responsibility of the woman or women increases. (in this case the man got sick it is very beneficial to have more than one woman in the house to share the responsibilities)
As for having more than one wife It is usually the first wife that helps a man find new wives in the bible. See the stories of Abraham Jaco and others.
Even because a woman who is a friend of the wife as the husband's second wife facilitates coexistence.
or it can happen marriages with several wives in a short period of time or at the same time like for example Matthew 25 1-13 where the groom is marrying 5 women in a single ceremony.
Not unusual. Been there
I would think that more important than finishing school and having the opportunity to work or potentially bring an additional income into a family would be your attitudes towards children and them being balanced against work and/or school. I imagine lots of families would think that if you have explicit goals with respect to school and career that they should be supportive. I imagine that this would be within a discreet window of time though and resource dependant.
Let's say you find your family and get into the local uni but find out you are pregnant soon thereafter. Obviously you can stay in school while pregnant or maintain many jibs...but once the child is born the equation becomes necessarily more complex.
Some families may have the resources ie people available to care for a newborn (this is just under the hypothetical notion that you would not wish to do this care yourself and while I know those woman exist, I like to hope you would want those early months of bonding time to be mom full time) but others may not have the ability.
All this is obvious stuff but I am continually surprised by how many people who are interested in the plural marriage equation who are quite intelligent but who have not really had the opportunity to think through all of the likely scenarios they might encounter in polygamy. No clue what you have or have not considered as you are new here. It is good that you are here though as there are plenty of us who do/have lived many of these situations and pretty much everyone here participates in the proverbial game theory of how plyg-life should/does work in various circumstances. Tonnes of these conversations to read through and to help get the noggin joggin.
So, perhaps I missed it but have you said why the notion of plural marriage...one of the last existing culture taboos apparently...is of interest to you? If not, what attracts you about the idea of becoming a polygamamist?
I do want to have children, maybe two, maybe three, I understand hat combining children with University can be challenging however it can be done and, at least some, Universities are equipped for this. Potentially one could wait until after University is finished to have children, but there are also moments during studies when a child is more opportune. My mother found it relatively easy to have a child while she was doing her PhD, since she had more flexibility to pace herself. In terms of a plural marriage I actually find that that it would make things easier. I could care for a child of another wife, while she studies, and she could care for mine.
I guess the hypothetical husbands stance on birth control would play a role. I do understand that he will enter me from day one. I personally do not have an issue with control, perhaps a husband does not either, perhaps he considers some variants acceptable, such as counting days, but then it becomes more a lottery.
I guess the hypothetical husbands stance on birth control would play a role. I do understand that he will enter me from day one. I personally do not have an issue with control, perhaps a husband does not either, perhaps he considers some variants acceptable, such as counting days, but then it becomes more a lottery.
@paterfamilias
Your signature reminds me of my favorite TV series. Star Trek. Specifically the Deep Space Nine Ferengi character of Quark. A character from an explotative race, however the actor who played him said he considers Quark to be the most ethical character on the show. His peoples view on morality and ethics are different from the Federation but he tries to adhere to those rules as best as he can. Whereas the humans, with the best intentions, bend the rules often.
Your signature reminds me of my favorite TV series. Star Trek. Specifically the Deep Space Nine Ferengi character of Quark. A character from an explotative race, however the actor who played him said he considers Quark to be the most ethical character on the show. His peoples view on morality and ethics are different from the Federation but he tries to adhere to those rules as best as he can. Whereas the humans, with the best intentions, bend the rules often.
Glad to hear that your mom was able to do it and presumably by extension you would have the ability as well.
That said, it would likely need to be something carefully considered and weighed at the time. My mom did it as well. She was awarded summa cum laude a couple of months before I was born.
She also had really negative things to say about the difficulty of the process. In fact, when I told her about our intentions with respect to polygamy, it was a topic she brought up. She expressed her approval and wish that she would have had the option and the maturity to understand the potential benefits to more hands, more minds and a bigger loving family.
Those opinions did not surprise me but one other one she expressed with respect to regret that polygamy not being an option for her was that it was the one time in my life she said she thought my parents marriage might have survived.
My dad had severe PTSD and she as a young woman with a baby did not have the emotional space for his problems as well as caring for an infant. Express that with support of another wife that she thought she might have made other life choices and have had a very different and happier life and more children.
Absolutely shocked me as she was always bitter about their marriage my whole life. It was pleasant to see that she could understand the inherent value of whst we were trying to do as opposed to just automatically casting aspersions and having doubts.
With respect to birth control and timing, make sure that those are conversations are up front when you inevitably have conversations with families (do please take my advice on this and make it conversations with families rather than just men).
As this is presumably an intentional idea with marriage, family and happily ever after that you have, so I would recommend being quite intentional about the process.
This goes for the single ladies and the families.
With family do you mean a hypothetical husband, and any hypothetical wives he may already have, or my parents and sisters?
@Maia
You are too kind.
So I will not go ha ha nerd for knowing that context...I am nerd as well but as I have recently opined in a different thread, men should strive to be at least mildly vexing in a whimsical way towards the ladies.
I have not watched ds9 in forever. I always did enjoy the dynamic between Quark and Odo(sp?) though and I agree about Quark being quite moral within his people's cultural codes.
May need to see which service has it out there or see if I can pick up the collection at the used DVD shop...physical media supremacy for the win.
Oh, new husband and sister wife/wives.
Though one Biiiig recommendation I would make is ensuring that you know in advance how your parents will react to the idea of your being a polygamist and if it is negative, how negative.
Without telling stories out of school as it were, I know for a fact that some can be extremely negative responses. So much so that it causes woman to abandon the notion or harm the relationship should it go forward.
So I would advise caution in that respect as well as some considerable thought.
My denomination encourages all to pursue an education. If you want a degree and a job, pursue a degree and a job. We've got a couple in my congregation right now that are in their early 30s, 4 kids, and their wife just gave birth and is finishing her Masters's degree. Several of my sisters-in-law, ranging from 3-11 kids each, have 4-year degrees as well and work.