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Breaking faith with the potential second wife

Slumberfreeze said:
"Monogamy is a concept embedded deep in the hearts of most modern women. It's leaves are in fantasy, it's trunk is in intellectual assent, and it's root system is sunk into the will. If the thing hasn't been really and truly torn out, root and all, there will be a visceral reaction. This vile doctrine of 'one woman per man' is likely to be every bit as stubborn as an alcoholic's vice. I believe it can be overcome, cast out, and healed by the same power which can heal all wounds. I also believe it should be done (completed, finished) well before actually marrying another woman, if there is no emergency.
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Slumberfreeze, that is such a good statement, thanks for sharing this. I so agree and am thankful that someone put it down on paper - for me.

Slumberfreeze said:
"The goal, I think, of a polygamous family is for a man to have his wives in submission to him, in cooperation with each other, in the fear of the Lord. (I really can't fathom any other acceptable goal) I think every would be patriarch should be a 'wise master builder' and make super sure the foundation is able to really bear up under an addition. If it's not? I think the focus should be on what already exists. Does the first wife need maybe time to calm down and digest? A better understanding of submission? A more thorough explanation of biblical doctrines? Deliverance from a spirit of rebellion, or demon of monogamy (if such a thing exists)? To be prayed and fasted for?I don't really know what each case needs, but anything's got to be better than wrecking shop with the wife of our youth. Unless, as I stated earlier, there is an urgent and pressing need that necessitates playing hard ball.
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You have definitely helped me to take a new point of view this evening, thank you!
 
Thanks Lila! I'm glad you found it useful.

Although I feel compelled to say I was tongue-in-cheeking it a bit with the 'vile doctrine' crack. In truth, I'm not that offended by monogamist sympathies. I need to learn to type exactly what I mean, since there is no 'irony' font.
 
UntoldGlory said:
Kind of wincing at the thought of trying to manage 1k wives.
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I can relate. Like I said, I don't particularly want to try King David's 21 wives let alone Solomon's four digit collection. I'm not going to turn away a sister in Christ who approaches me as described in Isaiah 4:1 regardless of how many such women God sends my way. I really don't see myself having to worry about very many women approaching me in that fashion in this society however.
 
I don't have any experience to offer you. I'm just chiming in so you see some activity on the post. There are some folks here who can help you though. They might be more comfortable on private message though. If someone doesn't reach out maybe you could ask an administrator or a moderator for a recommendation. I'll be praying it all works out.
 
I don't have any practical experience to speak from either, but I do think a good place to begin is prayer and Bible study. That sounds almost cliche, but hear me out. I think marriage is a gift to God for us to better understand our relations with Him. If we all better understood that, the husband would love his wives like Christ loved the church and the wives would submit to his leadership in an unjealous and loving way.

That said, if I were to offer you any more specific advice, it would be that you be the example of what this should look like with patience and love. Like Zec, I pray it all works out.
 
mommyof4ms said:
I would particularly be interested in how to address the second wife not being able to handle the reality of PM. I am a first wife and our second wife is struggling with this. I want to know best how to support my husband and her through this.
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Not that I'm likely to be of any help, but may I ask how she is struggling? Or with what aspects?
 
aineo said:
I don't have any practical experience to speak from either, but I do think a good place to begin is prayer and Bible study. That sounds almost cliche, but hear me out. I think marriage is a gift to God for us to better understand our relations with Him. If we all better understood that, the husband would love his wives like Christ loved the church and the wives would submit to his leadership in an unjealous and loving way.

That said, if I were to offer you any more specific advice, it would be that you be the example of what this should look like with patience and love. Like Zec, I pray it all works out.
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Thanks--that is all I really can do and am, with God's help, trying to do.
 
@mommyof4ms, I would encourage you to start a new thread outlining what the situation actually is and providing enough detail for people to offer constructive advice. Most readers may completely miss this small question of yours at the end of a long and old discussion. You'll get a lot more feedback on a thread dedicated to your question. Just go back to the main "Marriage Issues" forum section and click "Post new thread" at the top right of the screen.
 
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