Yeah! It was a bit of a scare, but I don't think there were any touchdowns.
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Dating / matchmaking websites
- Thread starter FollowingHim
- Start date
I ran across this interesting interview with the founders of the Sister Wives website...
https://bloomingwellness.com/2018/0...iew-sisterwives-founders-robyn-chris-alesich/
https://bloomingwellness.com/2018/0...iew-sisterwives-founders-robyn-chris-alesich/
This Christian dating app has just been advertised on The Babylon Bee. Obviously aimed at singles and monogamy, but if someone feels like crashing the party and seeing how long until they're kicked out, knock yourself out:
https://www.upward-app.com/en/
https://www.upward-app.com/en/
One of the things that stood out to me, is the fact that they had a sister wife, and they kicked her to the curb. I won't allow that on my site.
You would have to become judge, jury, and chief investigator of people’s private lives.
Not a job that I would want.
I found it interesting this attractive couple with a successful business and an inside track on women interested in poly still hasn't managed to find a sister wife.
There is probably a reason they don't feature a slider with dozens of successful poly marriages that have resulted from using their website.
There is probably a reason they don't feature a slider with dozens of successful poly marriages that have resulted from using their website.
Yeah, I was going to ask, @Daniel DeLuca, how you are even going to be able to come close to being able to control other human beings to the point of being able to prevent break-ups, malevolent or otherwise. I suppose if you had some kind of private investigation firm employed to check up on people, you might be able to discover the truth about why things went south, but, even then, I don't see that you would have any option beyond banning such individuals from further searching.
I know you want to establish a high level of integrity, purity and righteousness on your site, but you run two risks with that: (a) you are already talking about a relatively small subset of the human population who would even begin to be interested in joining up, but you are limiting that further by strict standards about divorce, etc., and it becoming known that you're policing how things turn out among participants to the point that you are seen as a Controller would likely lead to an even-more-diminished number of people being willing to sign up; and (b) while you laudably desire to create a welcoming, safe environment in which potential inexperienced young women would feel comfortable participating, any degree of cracking down on the men for not following through in manners you deem inappropriate will also increase the attractiveness of the site for the kind of manipulative, nefarious scammers we regularly experience here on Biblical Families. Just imagine the following scenario: young woman from a family of grifters pretends to be a virginal 18-year-old who is dedicated to becoming the next wife in an already-established family and presents herself as being set on marrying a man at least twice her age. Once she has one or more such men on the hook thinking that they may have found their pot of gold, all she has to do is start threatening that she will report each of those men (all of whom think that they're the sole target) to your website with the obvious threat being that they will get kicked off and lose their opportunity to seek another wife, hinting also that she may use whatever personally-identifiable information the men have inevitably provided her to create other mayhem in their lives, implying all along that what they really need is some cash to correct the unfair financial dilemmas she and her family face in their lives as highly-righteous Christians who have been discriminated against.
There are good legal and practical reasons why website providers do their best to distance themselves from having any influence on the actual behavior of their website participants. OK Cupid led the way on creating the whole 17+ gender designations, which led to a flood of transgenders, and when OK Cupid began pushing loyalty (to transgenderism, etc.) oaths on its members, membership plummeted, and the only reason the platform still exists is that it was bought by the owners of Match.com (or its main rival, I can't remember which) and will incrementally be watered down. Before they started the loyalty oaths, OK Cupid was the third-tier powerhouse of dating sites; now it's a joke populated predominantly by transgenders, frauds and women who have no idea how out of line with reality their opinions of themselves are. I don't think you want to follow their example.
P.S. I know you said no touchdowns, but did you get to see any tornado formations? I would never want anyone or their home to receive a direct hit from one, but I've seen a lot of tornadoes and tornado formations in my life, and I find them fascinating to the point of continuing to be very thankful that I've had the close encounters (and even one very direct hit) I've experienced. They are, among other things, a tremendous demonstration of the physical capabilities of our God.
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It sounds like Daniel is approaching this more like a matchmaker, who would curate the quality and morality of the people they place.
Maybe there is a place for that, as opposed to the come one come all approach that most places take. A place with only the best men/couples might attract higher quality women? It is a very traditional role and activity.
It's all a numbers game about how to attract the interest you need.
The biggest problem is not sifting out men who behave badly though, there are unending numbers of men/couples. The bigger problem is finding women you can actually place:
I don't know if you can matchmake using a build it and they will come approach, or absent certain personality skill-sets and community involvement.
Maybe there is a place for that, as opposed to the come one come all approach that most places take. A place with only the best men/couples might attract higher quality women? It is a very traditional role and activity.
It's all a numbers game about how to attract the interest you need.
The biggest problem is not sifting out men who behave badly though, there are unending numbers of men/couples. The bigger problem is finding women you can actually place:
I don't know if you can matchmake using a build it and they will come approach, or absent certain personality skill-sets and community involvement.
She is spot on. Unrealistic expectations, of course it applies to couples looking for unicorns also.
That old saying: “All the sweet, sensitive guys already have boyfriends.”
I have browsed & used and been eventually removed / kicked from most of the usual dating apps over the years, including the few “Christian” ones out there... like the above mentioned “Upward” app.
My wife @Rachelle West and I actually met on this app Upward. And although she may not have been actively pursuing a polygynous family lifestyle, The Lord had surely planted the seed of polygyny in her heart long before we met. And so it was clear to both of us in many ways why The Lord had brought us together. (She had felt like she was receiving signs from the Lord that it was finally time for her to begin seeking a godly husband and covering. In the business of life a “Christian dating app” seemed the simplest place to start her search. She had been on the app for less then 24 hours when we connected.)
The reality we all know is that monogamy is the strict line of thinking for most gals out there on any app or online dating platforms... The exceptions being bisexuality, homosexuality, and polyamory. The ONLY unacceptable form of relationship dynamic on ALL of them is ... polygyny!!!
So... I’m of the strong opinion that even if a man’s conversation with a gal from a dating app merely challenges her worldview and / or doctrinal understanding of marriage and family it’s a win. 9 times outa 10 the conversation consists of me explaining to a gal that she’s in sin for having left her previous husband cuz she got tired of him.
@Daniel DeLuca, I applaud your intentions and willingness to try and create this service. However it is statements like this that really make me doubt whether you're going to end up with something that's actually helpful, because your intentions are unclear. I am wondering:
1) Are you building a dating service, or a matchmaking service? These are quite different.
2) In either case, but especially if it is a matchmaking service, who will do the matchmaking / screening / moderation?
3) What are the rules?
4) Is the person who is doing the matchmaking etc trying to match people to themself? Or only providing a service to others?
5) What level of privacy exists - does the administrator / matchmaker have access to all communications?
I have long held a concern that this site may be designed with the sole intention of attracting the shortlist of women whom @Daniel DeLuca would want to marry, and although I have given you the benefit of the doubt on this the more you talk about it the more this suspicion is solidified. Which makes me inclined to remove it from the first post of this thread, as I'm not sure it's going to end up a serious option for anybody other than yourself.
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Wow. This woman sounds like a female me. I have given this same basic speech to dozens and dozens of people over the years. I'm forwarding it on. Thanks, @rockfox!
I don't think of it as a dating service, since the intention is clearly marriage. However, I am completely hands off when it comes to deciding who interacts with whom. I am currently working on the Rating Conversations page, where the user decides whether they enjoyed that particular interaction. I haven't decided who will enforce the rules, but in general, my thought is, you don't ditch one wife, unless she committed fornication, but if she left on her own accord, I won't hold that against anybody. If you did ask your wife to leave, or shove her out the door, I will want to know what efforts you have made to bring her back.
The rules are stated on the front page.
No individual will be doing any matchmaking. You can converse with someone as long as they have some interest in you, and you will get feedback on whether they happened to like that interaction, and if you accidentally gives thumbs up, thumbs down or Meh, as in neither, it automatically will confirm whether that was your intent. If you thumb up someone, the interest level in the Mathes table, increments by one, and if you thumb them down, it decrements by one. Reach zero, and they will not be able to initiate any more contact with you, and you will have to "give them another chance". Some of that, I am still working out the details.
Since all the communication is in a table, I can see everything, if I really want to. I would probably have to purchase a package, if I wanted to hide that stuff from myself, and I'm trying to go the free route, from here on out.
I wouldn't mind finding a wife on this site, if I don't find one elsewhere, but if I do find one here or elsewhere, I don't intend to seek a third wife any time soon, if ever. So it is narrow in scope in that I won't stand for someone who tries polygyny with one wife, decides that one didn't work out, so he is going to send her away and try with another wife. That would take two potential wives off the market, for those of us who understand what Jesus was saying, to mean that both women are now off limits.
One of the questions asked of any man who changes their status to "Divorced", is who initiated the divorce. If the man indicates that he did, the next question is whether she committed fornication. If so, what evidence is he able to provide, because I don't want men to ditch their wives on the basis of an unconfirmed suspicion. Now, if he does indicate that there was no fornication on her part, the next question is what steps he has taken to reconcile her back to him. I will not keep someone from remarrying, if something happened in their past, before they came to understand the principles of Biblical Marriage, but I want to make sure that they understand Jesus' concern was for men who divorce their wives "for any reason". If it is just a matter of "it wasn't working out for us", that won't fly, and that is what I saw in the article on the sisterwives.com site.
That is awesome! Thanks for sharing that.
I will provide my contact info, so anybody who is on there who doesn't belong, if I am informed about it, I can take action. Every user will have an Eligible flag that can be turned off, and if so, they will not be able to search or converse, until their situation is satisfactorally rectifide. I do want to add more information though, because I will want it to be smart enough to automatically detect if someone who was made inelgible because of religion, has rectifide that on their own, (e.g. I don't want to open this to Jehovah's Witnesses or Mormons), or if it was because of a marriage situation (e.g. woman gets engaged, but the wedding is broken off or a woman's husband dies some time after they get married or even after a divorce).
I can easily create a page where I, or whomever I delegate, can review the details of a conversation between any two participants. Yeah, I believe in hearing both sides of the story before making such a decision. Some of that will be handled automatically by the responses given to questions raised when changing your marital status. As far as signing up people who may be turned off by the standards that I believe to be Biblical, all that means, is that I am going to have to work harder to find the right groups of people to promote this to.
Ha! Follow their example? Yeah...yech!
It was too dark to see anything, as it was around 11:00 PM. One time I had falling debris from a tornado, that landed on my car, and I saw the tornado pass in front of me on the highway as I was driving home that afternoon. The debris knocked out my driver's side window and left bubbles on my windshield, which I had to replace, and the radio antennae was connected through that windsheild, so when I replaced it, I could never get a clear signal afterwards.
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Yeah, for some of that, you are right, and I don't relish the idea at all. Who knows? Maybe one day Machine Learning will be able to take over a lot of that.
It turns out they weren't the only poly dating website proprietors to struggle and fail to find a second wife. The handsome, multimillionaire founder of the other major poly dating website also has come up empty...
https://www.businessinsider.com.au/...-but-still-cant-find-a-second-wife-2016-7/amp
And the article avoided being blatantly negative, as well.
Wow! I listened to the video and loved one of her words about 'situationships' and that is so true! That's what so many of my old friends have!
She also makes what for me was a compelling reason to consider poly. She's right that men are not like women and if you want a man who's like a woman then that's not a man. But she does correct this and say marry a man and get your girly relationship somewhere else. Why not have that relationship with a sisterwife? But then let your man be a man and don't be upset with him when he's manly (says the hypocrite who's fighting with her husband right now!)
