M
MontanaDaniel
Guest
I would wager (I don't think there's statistics for this) that most people out there in the US culture, me included, were probably introduced to the concept of western polygamy (meaning not foreign, islamic, whatnot) by the occasional FLDS scandal news story (e.g. Warren Jeffs), and certainly by the popular polygamous TV shows most people have watched (Big Love, Sisterwives, couple other big ones). I mean, I grew up Baptist Christian and stuck to my faith, went to church often enough (not as often as some, but more than many out there), but literally nobody ever mentioned polygamy, never heard a sermon about it in church, nobody ever talked about it, definitely a super-taboo subject in mainstream Christianity. And I thought it was so forbidden (more of an Islamic, pagan concept) that I never bothered to ask anyone.
So I didn't find out in a dream or divine revelation unfortunately, my path here was far more mundane and average as stated above, and I will admit with a tinge of embarrassment that neither was it some noble pursuit of God's true path, but rather for many years all through my 20s it was sort of a personal sex fantasy to be with more than one woman in marriage (I mean not just a one-night threesome, but I would often imagine having a whole life with multiple women, many children, a house, family prayer the whole bit, I kid you not. These were the most wholesome fantasies you could imagine haha, seriously, white picket fence and all, none of them were "dirty" to me at all), except that it was a sort of a sinful guilty secret, or so I thought. So i lived with that sin quite a long time, but I kept imagining it, I couldn't help it. It was morally conflicting at times being a Christian and running it over and over in my head that I knew it was wrong, and yet sometimes inescapably exhilarating in a "guilty thrill" kind of way, because I would be sitting in church sometimes and feeling awful for feeling these things, but then other times I would be eyeing a couple cute girls across the aisle and sort of letting my mind run off with the idea, which made me feel even worse afterward, and on and on like a cycle, even though I couldn't help it, I kept coming back to those thoughts. I don't regret the thoughts now that I know better, but man, those feelings of personal anguish at feeling like "I don't belong here in God's house, I'm a bad Christian, I'm a traitor to the Lord's covenants" could get quite intense, it's like you felt a little devil inside you that you felt even worse for letting it remain there.
So then, maybe in the last couple years, can't pinpoint the day or even the month but fairly recently in life, I randomly one day just googled "polygamy in the bible". Simple as that. Can't even remember why I looked it up, because hitherto, never would I have thought in my wildest dreams what we know today here at BF. What followed was indeed a whirlwind of revelations, both personal and biblical. I was in a monogamous relationship with a girl at the time, and she had already refused and shot down the notion hard earlier in our relationship, so I sort of ran that along its natural course and eventually that relationship ended, and now I'm a free man to start a new life with the proper Christian polygamous mindset (which nobody had ever bothered to tell me about! I guess God eventually did, in His own way...)
So I didn't find out in a dream or divine revelation unfortunately, my path here was far more mundane and average as stated above, and I will admit with a tinge of embarrassment that neither was it some noble pursuit of God's true path, but rather for many years all through my 20s it was sort of a personal sex fantasy to be with more than one woman in marriage (I mean not just a one-night threesome, but I would often imagine having a whole life with multiple women, many children, a house, family prayer the whole bit, I kid you not. These were the most wholesome fantasies you could imagine haha, seriously, white picket fence and all, none of them were "dirty" to me at all), except that it was a sort of a sinful guilty secret, or so I thought. So i lived with that sin quite a long time, but I kept imagining it, I couldn't help it. It was morally conflicting at times being a Christian and running it over and over in my head that I knew it was wrong, and yet sometimes inescapably exhilarating in a "guilty thrill" kind of way, because I would be sitting in church sometimes and feeling awful for feeling these things, but then other times I would be eyeing a couple cute girls across the aisle and sort of letting my mind run off with the idea, which made me feel even worse afterward, and on and on like a cycle, even though I couldn't help it, I kept coming back to those thoughts. I don't regret the thoughts now that I know better, but man, those feelings of personal anguish at feeling like "I don't belong here in God's house, I'm a bad Christian, I'm a traitor to the Lord's covenants" could get quite intense, it's like you felt a little devil inside you that you felt even worse for letting it remain there.
So then, maybe in the last couple years, can't pinpoint the day or even the month but fairly recently in life, I randomly one day just googled "polygamy in the bible". Simple as that. Can't even remember why I looked it up, because hitherto, never would I have thought in my wildest dreams what we know today here at BF. What followed was indeed a whirlwind of revelations, both personal and biblical. I was in a monogamous relationship with a girl at the time, and she had already refused and shot down the notion hard earlier in our relationship, so I sort of ran that along its natural course and eventually that relationship ended, and now I'm a free man to start a new life with the proper Christian polygamous mindset (which nobody had ever bothered to tell me about! I guess God eventually did, in His own way...)