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Making Progress on the church acceptance front

In short, naturally and organically. As if by design. My first wife was the most I pursued from the get-go. The others started as simple friendships/relationships and became more over time. In neither case was adding them as wives the motivation or catalyst for the relationship in the beginning. And then as we went about life and interacting, both need and desire became evident.
 
Isaac said:
In short, naturally and organically. As if by design. My first wife was the most I pursued from the get-go. The others started as simple friendships/relationships and became more over time. In neither case was adding them as wives the motivation or catalyst for the relationship in the beginning. And then as we went about life and interacting, both need and desire became evident.
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And that seems to be the common story when it comes to how poly families are built.

But it makes me wonder, how is your walk in life different that such relationships come about organically whereas for others there is a need to 'pursue'.
 
rockfox said:
But it makes me wonder, how is your walk in life different that such relationships come about organically whereas for others there is a need to 'pursue'.
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Beats the hell outta me! Lol! I wish I could tell you but my walk in life isn’t anything to boast about, so I have no idea. :)
 
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Some of us believe that Yah has a plan for our lives.
If we are going as He directs, He provides what we should have.

Depending upon the availability of women walking the same way, of course. If He can’t find ‘em, nobody can.
 
OK well, I would love to go the direct route, and if I knew that she already knew my position on polygamy, I would lay it all out there. I am muzzled at the church, so obviously, I have a good reason not to do so there, that I no longer have when it comes to sending her an email.

I appreciate you guys praying for me in this endeavor, because ultimately, either God has shown it to her and she either has dismissed it or she hasn't, or He has not shown it to be her yet but He will, or else He does not desire that for her. One way or the other, I need to make a determination
 
steve said:
Some of us believe that Yah has a plan for our lives.
If we are going as He directs, He provides what we should have.

Depending upon the availability of women walking the same way, of course. If He can’t find ‘em, nobody can.
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Kinda reminds me of the story of Abraham's servant praying for the right woman.
 
Daniel DeLuca said:
Yeah, we have a lot of friends for which there can be no ulterior motive, and I can assure you, that unless her husband dies prematurely, the woman won't be the next Mrs. DeLuca.
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Are you saying that you have other female friends that are married, and if you had them around for a meal there would be no ulterior motive? I think you're missing my point.

My point is that whoever we have around to our place for a meal - married or single - there is a reason. I'm not going to go into the detail of describing our personal friendships. But there's always an actual reason for the meeting that is obvious to all - even if she's single. If there is a background desire to consider their suitability in polygamy, that is not a secretive ulterior motive, but simply a small part of the friendship-growing that occurs as part of any such meeting.
 
FollowingHim said:
Are you saying that you have other female friends that are married, and if you had them around for a meal there would be no ulterior motive? I think you're missing my point.

My point is that whoever we have around to our place for a meal - married or single - there is a reason. I'm not going to go into the detail of describing our personal friendships. But there's always an actual reason for the meeting that is obvious to all - even if she's single. If there is a background desire to consider their suitability in polygamy, that is not a secretive ulterior motive, but simply a small part of the friendship-growing that occurs as part of any such meeting.
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I am saying that the only motive we have for having them over, is rather straightforward. If I were to wait around for any other reason to have, to invite this young lady to have lunch with us, it probably would have never happened, and that is because of the current situation with my position in the church. Now, my wife did invite me to join her and a single friend, one time, at a park, and we went to DQ afterwards, but this friend of hers had plans that God had laid on her heart, that I knew marriage would interfere with, so there was one that I had no ulterior motives for, who wasn't off-limits at the time, but has since gotten married.
 
I suppose that if I myself, or anyone else is able to successfully pursue and win over a single lady, everyone will want to know what I or whoever achieves this, did to "pull it off".
 
Daniel DeLuca said:
I am saying that the only motive we have for having them over, is rather straightforward.
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So the only motive you have for inviting her around is to discuss polygamy. You have no other genuine reason to want to talk to her at all.

Do you seriously have no interests in common, no common project you are involved in, nothing that would be actual grounds for you to meet up to discuss? What do you actually think you're going to talk about?
And what about her is interesting to you, apart from the fact she's female and single?

I predict a train wreck. I hope I am wrong. But I expect I'm right.

Just being honest with you, because I'd like to see you avoid this.
 
There isn't anybody right now on the radar, that I could say that about, except for that trombone girl, who is off at a University that is out of town, and may be back when she graduates in December. I hope you are wrong too. There is only one way to find out. There is no real way to "avoid this", at this point in time. How is it different from a man who sees a woman at church, who is not seeking polygamy, but decides to court her, without having determined whether they have common interests, beforehand? I know of two examples in Scripture, where there really wasn't anything in common per se. That would be Jacob and Rachel, and David and Abigail. I wouldn't consider either of those two examples to be train wrecks. Come to think of it, Abraham's servant didn't exactly try to find a woman that had a lot in common with Isaac.
 
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I see my options as:
A) Beat around the bush, and hopefully get my wife to make the invitation, which she won't be able to do until I send an introductory email.
B) Come right out, let her know that I am attracted to her, point out some absurdities that anti-polys like to employ, and let her know that if God hasn't shown her that this is what He wants for her, she can let me know and I won't email her again, and then let her know that I am willing to answer any questions that she may have.
 
Why don’t you email her something short and sweet (not long and drawn out!) about you and your wife’s basic beliefs in plural (don’t argue it or it sounds like you are just justifying it), let her know what you’ve found attractive about her (hopefully it’s more than just physically), let her know she is free to ask you and/or your wife any questions she may have about it (because, let’s face it 99% of Christian church women will have never had plural cross their minds as being an option, or even come to desire it alone), and don’t throw out “you never have to speak to me again”- that’s an easy out and sounds a bit childish. Maybe even invite her to look at the forum for things she might be curious about, if the mods remove this section of convos lol. Obviously, if she comes back and says, no thank you, leave it at that. No need to keep incessantly messaging her or you come across desperate/ someone she is glad she only gave her email to. That’s my 2 cents at least. Take it for what it’s worth :D
 
WifeOfHisYouth said:
Why don’t you email her something short and sweet (not long and drawn out!) about you and your wife’s basic beliefs in plural (don’t argue it or it sounds like you are just justifying it), let her know what you’ve found attractive about her (hopefully it’s more than just physically), let her know she is free to ask you and/or your wife any questions she may have about it (because, let’s face it 99% of Christian church women will have never had plural cross their minds as being an option, or even come to desire it alone), and don’t throw out “you never have to speak to me again”- that’s an easy out and sounds a bit childish. Maybe even invite her to look at the forum for things she might be curious about, if the mods remove this section of convos lol. Obviously, if she comes back and says, no thank you, leave it at that. No need to keep incessantly messaging her or you come across desperate/ someone she is glad she only gave her email to. That’s my 2 cents at least. Take it for what it’s worth :D
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I love it! I love it! I love it!
 
But like what others have said it may be a train wreck, so don’t be offended if she bites back and don’t get your feelings hurt. Like I said, a VAST MAJORITY of women (especially Christian women) would never choose to enter into plural. They are rare.
 
WifeOfHisYouth said:
But like what others have said it may be a train wreck, so don’t be offended if she bites back and don’t get your feelings hurt. Like I said, a VAST MAJORITY of women (especially Christian women) would never choose to enter into plural. They are rare.
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I think we already know that, and while I do have feelings, I can handle rejection.
 
Alright! I did it. All we can do now, is wait and pray.
 
Daniel DeLuca said:
PM me with some of your experiences, when you get a chance. We can discuss this offline.
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Just letting you know, publicly on purpose, that I rarely go into extensive descriptions of my experiences in private messages. I do make exceptions to that, but they are rare. The reason is not that I'm reticent to share what I've experienced; quite the opposite, in fact. I'm about as open about my past, present and future as you will find in a person, but perhaps surprisingly based on the impression my many long posts may provide my free time is limited and precious, so what I prefer to do is write out such descriptions here publicly, in forum threads, so that anyone has the opportunity to potentially benefit from them, if they so choose. If you think about it, you will realize that you have in the past read and responded to quite a few of these, including, for example, my lengthy original post about my profile at OK Cupid. Then there was Angela. And sometimes I have chosen to spill my guts in person at gatherings, to anyone who wants to listen.

You, or anyone else, though, may send me private messages with specific questions you have that you think I may not have answered publicly.

I know it's kind of inside-out, but that's just me.
 
Daniel DeLuca said:
Right! Like a intuition that he wants to cheat on his wife, except that she was right there with me, the first time I offered to have her join us for lunch, which would be very odd for any man to do with his wife right there.
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Keep in mind that it is also very odd for a man to be seeking a second wife. Not wrong, of course, but certainly odd. We are an Odd Fellows Society here.
 
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