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Polygyny, Matt. 5:28, and Attraction

Since being married about 3 years ago, my wife has asked me some hard questions. We were watching a movie and a scantily clad woman came on the screen and she asked, "What does it do to you when you see a woman dressed like that?" I didn't have an answer. At the time I believed the traditional translation of Matt. 5:28. Then she asked, "What are we gonna tell our kids about lust?"

Then I was playing the 2011 Tomb Raider. This was the reboot where they redesigned the main character, Lara, to be more realistic. She is wearing a tank top with a camisole underneath as the default outfit. She is also not real. My wife commented she didn't like me playing a game with an attractive character dressed like that. Again, I had no answer. I was still under the impression any sort of attraction or level of arousal to anyone but my wife was adultery.

It seems to me Matt. 5:28 has been weaponized to keep men in constant shame and submissive to their wives. Am I getting the right impression?
Your wife is using shaming to eliminate any competition for her. Don't be ashamed of your natural desires.
 
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Wanting what your neighbour owns isn't sin. He has better car/house and you offer to buy them. Is that evil? Obviously no.

But using force, cheating or fraud to transfer property title to yourself is evil.

Automatic natural reaction can't be evil. Evil or good is always something we choose. It is always connected with our free will.

To see attractive woman isn't evil. That automatc natural reaction.

To see married woman and concluding she is pretty isn't evil. We don't choose who is attractive to us. Also above situation is statement of fact. No evil here. But, we can choose to just have friendly talk, ignore her or try to seduce. This chooice determinates is our action evil or not.
 
One of the meaning/usages of the word that was translated as lust is;

3. to lust after, covet
  1. of those who seek things forbidden
It goes beyond admiring, to where you are trying to achieve that which you admire for yourself.
If you are actively thinking about ways of having her, you are just as guilty as if you had already taken her.
But your neighbor's daughter is NOT on the do not covet list.
Bingo! As long as she is not betrothed, you can dream about finding a way to become her man.

Sometimes the word was simply used to indicate simple desire/enjoyment, but this isn’t one of them.
 
One thing that helped me understand this was Abimelech. He desired Sarah and didnt realize she was married. Upon finding out he was upset. He said that with the integrity of his heart and the innocence of his hands that he took her. God did not punish him for desiring her when he didnt know she was married. I believe intent is important. Say I want to take a woman and I start the courting process and she says that she is married. If I stop right there, no sin is committed. However, if I continue my pursuit I will be committing adultery, even if its just in my heart.
 
If you are actively thinking about ways of having her, you are just as guilty as if you had already taken her.
Quibble: if you are actively conspiring in your mind about how to have her, then you are just as guilty in your heart as if you had already taken her. Simply fantasizing about having sex with her doesn't rise to the level of covetousness. Some level of intention to take is required.
 
I don't believe this is adultery since sex hasn't happened. But it is sin of coveting.
If we're going to absorb Yeshua's admonition on this, though, it doesn't matter what we believe: what it is is a covetous form of adultery. Adultery of the heart as opposed to adultery of the flesh. I know I'm splitting hairs here, and it may seem contradictory to what I've written above about the fantasy not being covetousness, but these distinctions are essential. The prohibitions aren't directed toward musings. The prohibitions are directed toward behaviors that are destructive, and that's the importance of including coveting in the prohibitions, because the kind of intention that involves conspiring, making plans, etc., generally lead to the actual behaviors.
 
Yeshua said if anyone covets a "married woman" he has already committed adultery in his heart with her. Thats what I was referencing.
Yep, but the coveting is an essential component of Yeshua's formulation. If it weren't, he wouldn't have bothered to mention it. Otherwise he would have just said, "Hey, brothers, if you imagine jumping a married woman's bones, you've committed adultery in your heart." This is famously known as the Jimmy Carter Foolishness from his Playboy interview, in which he 'confessed' that he'd committed adultery in his heart, but he only offered as evidence that he had had fantasies. Nowhere in any subsequent interview did he indicate that he had ever conspired to physically take any married woman but Rosalyn.
 
If you are making love to your wife while fantasizing that she is someone who belongs to another man, that seems problematic.
 
What kind of help did you get for that problem?

;)

If you are making love to your wife while fantasizing that she is someone who belongs to another man, that seems problematic.
Wouldn't be called inverse adultery? Better known as masochistic cuckoldry?
 
What kind of help did you get for that problem?

;)


Wouldn't be called inverse adultery? Better known as masochistic cuckoldry?
I don’t know, and I don’t wanna find out.
 
One thing that helped me understand this was Abimelech. He desired Sarah and didnt realize she was married. Upon finding out he was upset. He said that with the integrity of his heart and the innocence of his hands that he took her. God did not punish him for desiring her when he didnt know she was married.
But He did. He made Abimelech unwell and closed the wombs of Abimelech's wife and female salves. He was punished, and one might say unfairly, but God knew what he was doing.
Genesis 20: 17-18

When he repented, even though he did not know what he was doing was a sin, and gave Sarah back, Abimelech and his family were healed.
 
But He did. He made Abimelech unwell and closed the wombs of Abimelech's wife and female salves. He was punished, and one might say unfairly, but God knew what he was doing.
Genesis 20: 17-18

When he repented, even though he did not know what he was doing was a sin, and gave Sarah back, Abimelech and his family were healed.
I agree that God was getting his attention, but God agreed that he took her in innocence.
 
I agree that God was getting his attention, but God agreed that he took her in innocence.
I agree. It seems to me that God imposed those consequences as a kind of “see boy, I’m serious about this, you better act right”
 
I agree. It seems to me that God imposed those consequences as a kind of “see boy, I’m serious about this, you better act right”
Yes, God is serious about any sin. Just think about what happened when Adam and Eve ate a piece of fruit they were told not to! It's a good reminder to kids (and some adults) that disobeying and eating is a life and death matter. And so is a little bit of lying/deceit about how much you're putting in to the apostles' works program (Acts 5). Sin is a life and death issue; the wages of sin is death, always was, always will be.
 
I agree. It seems to me that God imposed those consequences as a kind of “see boy, I’m serious about this, you better act right”
I get a number of things from this story.

1. God is serious about Adultery, He hates it, don't go there. Even if you don't know that's what is happening.
2. God punished by making women barren. Children are a blessing and removing the ability to have children is a curse.
3. If you're planning on doing something sinful, then there's a good chance that God is going to let you know about it before you do it. You just have to listen.
4. God protects what's His. He protected Sarah, and through that, the future of the Israelites.

There are stories throughout the bible of women being barren being a curse, and they fascinate me because here we go and get our tubes tied after 2 kids or no kids and that's totally normal in our society.
Off topic, but hey, what else is new here?
 
There are stories throughout the bible of women being barren being a curse, and they fascinate me because here we go and get our tubes tied after 2 kids or no kids and that's totally normal in our society.
Off topic, but hey, what else is new here?
Exactly. And how many Christian couples do we know who actively seek to disobey the mandate to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth? No one raises an eyebrow about such blatant rebellion.
 
I get a number of things from this story.

1. God is serious about Adultery, He hates it, don't go there. Even if you don't know that's what is happening.
2. God punished by making women barren. Children are a blessing and removing the ability to have children is a curse.
3. If you're planning on doing something sinful, then there's a good chance that God is going to let you know about it before you do it. You just have to listen.
4. God protects what's His. He protected Sarah, and through that, the future of the Israelites.

There are stories throughout the bible of women being barren being a curse, and they fascinate me because here we go and get our tubes tied after 2 kids or no kids and that's totally normal in our society.
Off topic, but hey, what else is new here?
Do you believe God punished Sara and Abram for 90 years? Just curious lol
 
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