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Taking advice from your wife

Daniel DeLuca

Daniel DeLuca

Seasoned Member
Real Person
Male
So one of the ministers in my former church, in his sermon this past week, gave the same talking points I have heard over and over again, but have begun to question, especially considering the disastrous results I experienced in my first few years of marriage, before I manned up and took the reins. We have all heard this song and dance that a man should listen to his wife. Very little is said in Scripture regarding this, and there are some notable examples we can draw from, such as Pilate's wife, but I wanted to get a sound perspective from this group on this topic. It seems to me that this whole idea originated from Dr. James Dobson.
 
Lots of folks point to the Sarah/Hegar situation ("here, make a baby with her") as evidence that polygamy is wrong. I say it's evidence that you should never let your wife tell you what God's will is.

That's a bit of hyperbole, but seriously, "the head of the man is Christ, the head of the woman is the man". 'Nuff said.
 
Yeah, for some time now, I have suspected that this is a subtle means that wives have been using to usurp the authority in the home.
 
Anyone ever heard in church (or in a womens bible study) the phrase, "The husband is the head, but the wife is the neck, and the neck turns the head." I have.
 
andrew said:
Anyone ever heard in church (or in a womens bible study) the phrase, "The husband is the head, but the wife is the neck, and the neck turns the head." I have.
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That's exactly what a lady in my MOPS group told me when I told her Slumber's advice of listening to what her husband says and following it. It made me sad. It was then that I realized she didn't really want advice, she more just wanted to air out why she wanted what she wanted and to have other's agree with her so she could justify herself in doing what she thought should be done.
 
On taking advice from one's wife... she certainly has a different perspective on things. It seems to me that if the situation is appropriate, listen to what she has to say, pray?, and then make your best decision. If that means going with her advice, well. If that means doing the exact opposite, well. If that means mingling the two, well. Did I miss the point here?

As for Abraham/Sarah/Hagar, I had thought that Abraham just did what his wife desired of him, since he saw no reason not to. What man isn't going to give to his wife what she desires of him if doing so isn't expected to cause trouble?

If anyone ever proposes to have found a fault in Abraham....
God said; "Abraham obeyed my voice, and kept my charge, my commandments, my statutes, and my laws." (Gen 26:5).
...kinda hard to call polygyny wrong after God has so spoken concerning a polygynist.
 
If you're missing the point, it's only that maybe you haven't had as many of these conversations as some of us have. Everything you're saying is completely reasonable, but out there in the culture, 'taking your wife's advice' is code for 'she calls the shots', and Abraham, David, and Solomon (just to get started) are all regularly held up as examples of how and why polygamy is a Very Bad Thing, even though scripture clearly does not say any such thing and even though scripture clearly does say specifically what, if any, problems each man had.
 
I'll state it in a way that makes it very clear what's being said. When a woman says 'he never listens to me' she really means 'he never listens to me when I tell him what to do'. Women are indirect communicators. They don't generally order you to do it; they just give their opinion and expect you to follow. And so the culture takes the first statement and says that the solution to marital problems is "communication" and talk therapy they really just mean "obeying your wife". And if you listen to some of the other churchian advice about marriage it is clear they mean exactly that. Of course, doing so doesn't make them happy either.

I do still ask my wife for advise (especially when I'm uncertain which plan of action to take) because I value outside perspectives and ideas and even if she doesn't have anything original to contribute, just explaining problems helps me figure out what to do sometimes. We'll also kick ideas back and forth brainstorming. Sometimes I follow her advice, sometimes I go against it. But this male-female dynamic is so strong that even though its very clear in our marriage that I am in charge, she'll still on rare occasion say "you don't need my permission to do such and such" as she think's that by asking her advice that I'm asking her permission to do something or for her to direct me what to do.
 
Godly counsel is good to consider regardless of the source. My wife is not my exclusive counselor, but just because she is my wife, doesn't mean I will exclude her either.

Thwt being said, the modern implications are usually listen=obey
 
Daniel DeLuca said:
So one of the ministers in my former church, in his sermon this past week, gave the same talking points I have heard over and over again, but have begun to question, especially considering the disastrous results I experienced in my first few years of marriage, before I manned up and took the reins.
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Have you been reading Dalrock?

Daniel DeLuca said:
We have all heard this song and dance that a man should listen to his wife. Very little is said in Scripture regarding this, and there are some notable examples we can draw from, such as Pilate's wife, but I wanted to get a sound perspective from this group on this topic. It seems to me that this whole idea originated from Dr. James Dobson.
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I think a wife that has your best interests at heart is an excellent source of council. I think a wife that has her own agenda is problematic. A wise man can tell the difference.

Nabal really should have listened to Abigail. He did not and it cost him his life.
 
cnystrom said:
Have you been reading Dalrock?
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Nope. Who/What is Dalrock?

cnystrom said:
I think a wife that has your best interests at heart is an excellent source of council. I think a wife that has her own agenda is problematic. A wise man can tell the difference.

Nabal really should have listened to Abigail. He did not and it cost him his life.
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Abigail did not have an opportunity to provide feedback to Nabal. His actions are not what cost him his life, although they could have, if Abigail had not intervened. He probably died of a stroke.
 
eye4them said:
On taking advice from one's wife... she certainly has a different perspective on things. It seems to me that if the situation is appropriate, listen to what she has to say, pray?, and then make your best decision. If that means going with her advice, well. If that means doing the exact opposite, well. If that means mingling the two, well. Did I miss the point here?

As for Abraham/Sarah/Hagar, I had thought that Abraham just did what his wife desired of him, since he saw no reason not to. What man isn't going to give to his wife what she desires of him if doing so isn't expected to cause trouble?
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In reference to this, I can think of many things! My 1st didn't want me to take a second, but I did. Does this mean I don't love her or want her to be happy?
Listening to your wife is good but doing what she says or wants is a completely different occurrence. Pilot listened (hear what she has to say) to his wife but he didn't do what she said. Which is a good thing he didn't! It was the will of God for Jesus to die for us.
 
Daniel DeLuca said:
Wow! I guess I haven't been paying close enough attention to what has been going on in my own denomination.
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I hope they don't conform like most other denominations tend to do, trying to prevent persecution and bad light upon them selves.....ultimately for following the bible (partially). Feminist disagree with a large portion of the Bible, umongst any other things that mean they don't get what they want.... church be prepared for the promise of God-"we will be persecuted for our faith".
 
I had a similar talk with a male friend of mine a few weeks ago. I think there is little more attractive than a man who loves God and seeks His will. A man who takes the time to go before our Lord on his knees and pray. A man who seeks first the kingdom. However, if I dare say it..... a man who isn't so macho or power drunk to talk to his wife and share his heart is sooo sexy! I am more apt to follow without resistance if I know God is the one who is guiding our marriage and the foundation of truth for which we stand.

The Neanderthal "me man" you woman do what I say now! Cook me food, wash my clothes, clean this house have my 10 offspring, keep them in line, dont speak unless I ask. . Be seen not heard!

It is about balance. I Praise God for creating the beautiful male counterpart. I am in awe of man and all that you were created to be and do. Being logical, analytical, protector, provider, your brain is like an delicious waffle! Compartmentalized, organized oh so beautiful!
I woman on the other hand I am much like a bowl of spaghetti, spicy, soft, gentle and every part of of me is entangled in each other.
Man and woman created as a compliment to one another. Woman from man's rib to be by His side in life, not from his heal to be beneath him or from his head to be over him. From his rib close to his heart.

Thoughts from a big mouth woman..... or so I have been told.
 
Patricia C said:
I am in awe of man and all that you were created to be and do. Being logical, analytical, protector, provider, your brain is like an delicious waffle! Compartmentalized, organized oh so beautiful!
I woman on the other hand I am much like a bowl of spaghetti, spicy, soft, gentle and every part of of me is entangled in each other.
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The waffle and the spaghetti—I love it!
 
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