• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

What happens to additional wives if she and her husband divorce?

Getting married is a risk, period. You have to let go of self, learn to trust and be vulnerable, and spend every day striving to be more like Christ. If your focus is on how you can help your husband, submit yourself completely to your husband, reverence your husband, die to self, and serve the Lord, I can pretty much guarantee that your marriage will be awesome. Whether you’re a first, second, etc wife. Work on making yourself as awesome of a wife you can be and, unless you married an absolute a-hole, your husband will not want to divorce you. Men willing to do biblical poly are not afraid of commitment and won’t kick a woman out just because he’s tired of her. Women leave way more than men do. I think Keith mentioned divorce statistics somewhere that said women divorcing their husbands is a higher percentage than men divorcing their wives. So, if you’re focus is on how to make yourself the best wife you can possibly be to your man, you should never have to worry about the possibility of divorce. Divorce and what would happen if your husband divorced you, shouldn’t be your focus. Rather, it should be on how can I help him, how can I serve him, how can I love him, how can I bring him joy? If that’s your goal and focus, he would be an absolute idiot to divorce you. And most men aren’t idiots. He can be married to an absolute ugly dog but, if she’s doing those things… he’s happy.
Following with my heart and feelings shouldn't require me to void my common sense. I see what you're saying but my focus is not purely on what a man or family can do for me simply because I asked a question that is a concern. In my opinion most people on here aren't answering my question logically, they're answering emotionally. Logically- it's easier to let yourself go and trust your husband if you're the first wife because you have legal protection. If you're one of the additional wives and God forbid something happens to your husband, his first wife has every bit of control over the other wives, financially and asset wise. It then not only becomes about trusting your husband, you also have to trust that his first wife has your best interest at heart as well. Ideally that would be wonderful but lets not pretend the first wife couldn't just sell the house, drain the bank account and take off to Florida while you move back in with your parents at 40 years old. If you're ok with that possibility then that's perfectly ok. However I wouldn't contribute to a household that held all of the risk.

Also as far as men holding all of the risk, I don't exactly see it that way. Sure he would be required to half the assets with his first wife but he could also just walk away from the additional wives like they never existed with whatever they contributed because he has all of the control. That's just a reality.
 
Last edited:
Following with my heart and feelings shouldn't require me to void my common sense. I see what you're saying but my focus is not purely on what a man or family can do for me simply because I asked a question that is a concern. In my opinion most people on here aren't answering my question logically, they're answering emotionally. Logically- it's easier to let yourself go and trust your husband if you're the first wife because you have legal protection. If you're one of the additional wives and God forbid something happens to your husband, his first wife has every bit of control over the other wives, financially and asset wise. It then not only becomes about trusting your husband, you also have to trust that his first wife has your best interest at heart as well. Ideally that would be wonderful but lets not pretend the first wife couldn't just sell the house, drain the bank account and take off to Florida while you move back in with your parents at 40 years old. If you're ok with that possibility then that's perfectly ok. However I wouldn't contribute to a household when I held all of the risk.

Also as far as men holding all of the risk, I don't exactly see it that way. Sure he would be required to half the assets with his first wife but he could also just walk away from the additional wives like they never existed with whatever they contributed because he has all of the control. That's just a reality.
You raise reasonable points. Select your husband carefully and prayerfully. Choose a man who fears God. We are out there. Also, try to make sure his existing wife fears God and loves you.

If you believe it prudent to make particular legal agreements (trusts,.LLC's, some property in your name,.etc) feel free to talk it over and work it out with any potential husband. That's between you and him.
 
I don't know that the second wife really is the one with the most to lose. Under our current family laws, men are severely disadvantaged.

Thinking about my own situation, my wife and I have lived carefully during our twenty plus years of marriage. We are debt free, including a paid off house, and have a fair amount of assets in savings, retirement accounts (401K, IRA, etc),.PM's, etc.

There is a young woman who is a dear friend of ours that I would seriously consider marrying. She is also a financially responsible individual, but being 15+ years younger than my self (andy wife) she hasn't yet accumulated nearly the assets that we have.

Were I to marry her, would it be reasonable for her to instantly assume ownership of one third of our total assets? Is that fair to my wife who has carefully helped me build our net worth?

Were I to marry this woman, I would certainly add her name to our bank accounts. Also, down the road, I think her name should also be on the property.

Still, from a financial aspect, it seems to me that I and my wife would be taking the greater financial risk.

It goes to show that we should all be very careful in choosing whom to marry. The risks are high for everyone.

I was extremely blessed to marry my wife. She is a virtuous woman, and my heart trusts her.

I also believe our friend to be a very honorable woman, and that is why I am interested in her as well.
I completely agree with being careful about who we chose to marry to begin with. But whether we like it or not, people do change, ourselves included.

Also why would you and your wife be at more financial risk? I'm not asking that to be rude I'm genuinely curious what I'm missing because if I understand it right- the additional wife has no legal right to a home or money that you and your first wife obtained?

Even with her name on a bank account you could limit her access. I think that's a nice idea in theory though.
 
You raise reasonable points. Select your husband carefully and prayerfully. Choose a man who fears God. We are out there. Also, try to make sure his existing wife fears God and loves you.

If you believe it prudent to make particular legal agreements (trusts,.LLC's, some property in your name,.etc) feel free to talk it over and work it out with any potential husband. That's between you and him.
I completely agree. I wasn't even aware that people did those sort of things until I asked the question though. I think it's very interesting and I love the ideas. I was super excited when Megan answered with that lol
 
I completely agree with being careful about who we chose to marry to begin with. But whether we like it or not, people do change, ourselves included.

Also why would you and your wife be at more financial risk? I'm not asking that to be rude I'm genuinely curious what I'm missing because if I understand it right- the additional wife has no legal right to a home or money that you and your first wife obtained?

Even with her name on a bank account you could limit her access. I think that's a nice idea in theory though.
It's pretty simple. Right now, we have assets and very low expenses. We have no children, and basically no responsibility.

Suppose I marry a second woman and have three kids with her. Then some "helpful Christians" wrongly pursuade her that polygamy is wrong. Suppose she bails out and the court grants her custody of our three children. Now suddenly half of my income is going to child support for the next twenty years.

This seriously diminishes the financial position of my wife and myself relative to our status prior to the second marriage.
 
I completely agree. I wasn't even aware that people did those sort of things until I asked the question though. I think it's very interesting and I love the ideas. I was super excited when Megan answered with that lol
Another thing to remember is that there is always risk to everything we do. We want to minimize risk, but can't totally avoid it. Risk mitigation is also important.

There are risks to staying single. You might end up an old maid (or the modern equivalent crazy childless cat lady), living with mom at 40. As a single woman living alone during difficult times (like these), you might be more exposed to criminals. I don't know. We just want to try to account for all risks.

Singleness has risks. Marriage (monogamous or polygamous) also has risks.
 
I think that your question is being answered quite comprehensively @LovesDogs. Some of the answers you may appreciate less than others, but they all give a more rounded perspective to the issue. I'll try to summarise a bit though in case that is helpful.

It is very rare for men to divorce their wives, especially in polygamy. In the various situations I have seen through this ministry over the years, I cannot off the top of my head think of a single case of a man sending away his wife. I can however think of many cases of wives leaving their husbands. This is a theoretical risk, but a very small risk. Choose your man carefully and you'll all-but-eliminate it.

However, the flip-side to that is that there is a high risk to the husband that one or more, even all, his wives might leave. It is comparatively common for second and subsequent wives to give up and run off. It is almost as common for first wives to decide they can't cope with polygamy and leave their husband. Sometimes both leave. This means that the husband is taking a large risk in taking on an additional wife - he is not only taking on the risks associated with the second marriage, but is also taking on the risk that it could disrupt and destroy his first marriage also. His first wife is also taking this risk. They are putting a lot on the line, and I still don't think you appreciate this enough. Financially, most men would undoubtably be better off single. Marriage, even monogamous marriage, is a cost and a risk. So many men's lives have been destroyed by a wife leaving, taking the kids, and having him pay child support for the next two decades while having minimal or even no access to his children. You'd have to be either crazy or very generous to risk taking a second wife.

Also, by taking a second wife a family will be throwing away most of their social connections, which give them security. Many friends and family members may never speak to them again, they may be booted from their church, might even be at risk of losing jobs in some circumstances. Just the act of getting married itself could cost them dearly, even without a divorce.

But some men are willing to take that enormous risk. You need to appreciate it more than you yet do.

When we look at the financial risks to the wife more closely, we have some different scenarios - poor wife and rich wife, and short vs long marriage.

If the second or subsequent wife has few assets, enters the family with nothing and leaves with nothing after a short marriage, what has she lost? Financially, essentially nothing. So even the extreme scenario of:
the first wife couldn't just sell the house, drain the bank account and take off to Florida while you move back in with your parents at 40 years old.
doesn't matter, financially speaking. She'd still have lost nothing - she might have been living with her parents anyway. In such a situation it would be completely unjust for the wife to receive much from the family, especially if she was the one to initiate the divorce.

If she enters with few assets and has a long marriage, contributing to building the assets of the family, any court will recognise this in some way. The details will differ between jurisdictions but even with no formal arrangements there should generally be some sort of recognition. In a long marriage, there is plenty of time to set up financial and legal structures and insurances that give her a formal share in the family assets and financial security.

If the wife is rich, then she should work with her husband to put their assets into an appropriate structure from the word go, which would protect them.
 
This question is not a one size fits all answer. Every family does things differently. I will say though, this was a question that was in the fore front for me when I first started seeking poly. I was on my own since I was 18, had my own place, my own car, made my own arrangements, paid my own bills, and was the only one taking care of me. So the thought to just give that all up and then possibly be left with nothing and no means to take care of myself or to start all over terrified me.

During my search, I met different couples and families who treated this different. Some stated that they would have a separate account for myself and put money in like a trust if that were to happen. Some wanted to combine everything and put my name on things as well so if something happened I would have have some care. Some wanted to keep things separate for awhile to make sure I wouldn’t be the one trying to take their hard earned money. Everyone is different.

Now, I will tell you, when I met my husband… most of these fears didn’t even exist. I moved to be with them before we got married and during that time (about 5 months) if something happened and it didn’t work out, whatever I brought with me I would take away with me. Once we got married and now I’ve been married for over a year, I don’t really care about this because I don’t feel it’s a relevant fear since we are married til death. Our husband has a life insurance policy with all of us so if something were to happen to him we all would be taken care of.

There were couples that I talked with and this was something I was very worried about and wanted to establish things… I realized it was because they were not the right fit for me. I was more worried about MY assets than being with them as a family. Getting married is a risk no matter if it is poly or not, but you have to decide if it is worth the risk, if the man, the family is worth it to you. If it is the right man, these things will be figured out. If you can’t trust the family in this area, then you probably won’t feel like you can trust them in other areas.

These things should be talked about and I’m sure if it’s the right fit, you will come to an answer that works best and is comfortable for you all. I know it sounds so cliche and lame to say when you know you will just know. But in my experience that is exactly how it was.
 
Matthew 6
25¶'Because of this I say to you, be not anxious for your life, what ye may eat, and what ye may drink, nor for your body, what ye may put on. Is not the life more than the nourishment, and the body than the clothing?

26look to the fowls of the heaven, for they do not sow, nor reap, nor gather into storehouses, and your heavenly Father doth nourish them; are not ye much better than they?

27'And who of you, being anxious, is able to add to his age one cubit?

28¶and about clothing why are ye anxious? consider well the lilies of the field; how do they grow? they do not labour, nor do they spin;

29and I say to you, that not even Solomon in all his glory was arrayed as one of these.

30'And if the herb of the field, that to-day is, and to-morrow is cast to the furnace, God doth so clothe -- not much more you, O ye of little faith?

31¶therefore ye may not be anxious, saying, What may we eat? or, What may we drink? or, What may we put round?

32for all these do the nations seek for, for your heavenly Father doth know that ye have need of all these;

33but seek ye first the reign of God and His righteousness, and all these shall be added to you.

34Be not therefore anxious for the morrow, for the morrow shall be anxious for its own things; sufficient for the day is the evil of it.
 
My husband said that if he were to die that all his wives and children would move into his fathers house under his authority so that we still had a covering. We would all take care of each other and if we wanted to find a husband he recommended we find one that would want all of us. Right now theres only 2 wives in our family though so id see remarrying together getting harder to do with a few more wives and many children but I know God would work it out if the situation came to pass. I'm not counting on him dying tho.. God seems to favor him too much for that. :)
 
My husband said that if he were to die that all his wives and children would move into his fathers house under his authority so that we still had a covering. We would all take care of each other and if we wanted to find a husband he recommended we find one that would want all of us. Right now theres only 2 wives in our family though so id see remarrying together getting harder to do with a few more wives and many children but I know God would work it out if the situation came to pass. I'm not counting on him dying tho.. God seems to favor him too much for that. :)
Y'all are young, and anything can happen, but you're right: this isn't likely something that will come up for you and your family anytime in the near future. However, I think this type of preparedness is an excellent approach to life. Some of us in this community have been in communication with each other about taking on each other's family's should anything happen to us individually. In a sense, it's an adaptation of the Levirate Law; we are brothers in Christ, and -- polygynous already or not -- we all have strong takes on what it means to live out Scripture in our lives, viewpoints that don't line up all that well with mainstream culture, so I want my wife or wives to be covered by another good man if I leave the planet before she does.
 
My husband said that if he were to die that all his wives and children would move into his fathers house under his authority so that we still had a covering. We would all take care of each other and if we wanted to find a husband he recommended we find one that would want all of us. Right now theres only 2 wives in our family though so id see remarrying together getting harder to do with a few more wives and many children but I know God would work it out if the situation came to pass.
I have long held that this is an important principle. As a man I believe it's my duty to prepare for whoever He has for me, and if that includes being covering and protection for someone or someones who undergo hard times, or are widowed, that's a possibility I need to be aware of and open to.

We see far too much destitution and women, particularly mothers, adrift in a culture that claims to "empower" them but doesn't truly support them, especially not as wives and mothers. And it grieves my spirit.

Might I also say that, God forbid, in that situation, given your husband's rooting in the Scriptures and insight he has shared here, and how your character and dedication reflects in your posts as his wives, I'm certain many decent men would want to ensure the well being of you and your family and that is a testament to what the three of you have built together.
 
My husband said that if he were to die that all his wives and children would move into his fathers house under his authority so that we still had a covering. We would all take care of each other and if we wanted to find a husband he recommended we find one that would want all of us. Right now theres only 2 wives in our family though so id see remarrying together getting harder to do with a few more wives and many children but I know God would work it out if the situation came to pass. I'm not counting on him dying tho.. God seems to favor him too much for that. :)
This is definitely interesting I have to say ❤️
 
Totally agree. God never gave governments the right over marriage/family and people would do much better if they kept their family relationships out of government oversight and control. I get the impression Americans have a tendency to involve the judicial system/courts in their relationships and break-ups quite a bit but that's not the case everywhere else. As Christians we should avoid involving ungodly lawyers and judiciary (cf. 1 Cor. 6:1-8) and resolve matters among ourselves wherever possible, and that includes in a relationship breakup and divorce. If we claim to be His people and take His Name, we shouldn't be taking it in vain (Ex. 20:7).

Okay, that's my rant! Shalom.
I love imagining how the world would be if it were like this. Such an interesting thought to ponder.
 
Last edited:
I love imagining how the world would be if it were like this. Such an interesting thought to ponder.
Yes, but we are to be different from the world. The world is not like this so the difference should be obvious where genuine redeemed believers are involved - especially when resolving conflict.

This is another reason to make every effort to ensure you know who you are involved with. Shalom
 
No one likes the topic of divorce but it does happen. I've always been curious about how additional wives would be treated during a divorce. My reasons are the following- Additional wives have no legal protection in case of divorce, the first wife does. If additional wives work and contribute to the household, this means her money goes toward the household, the husband has control of the finances. Also the same could be said for homemakers. She would be in a similar situation as well. As far as having no money or savings of her own.

So what happens if an additional wife wants to leave? She has no savings of her own and she has no legal protection.

Personally i'd do everything possible to avoid a "divorce" but I want that commitment to be based off the fact that I value my marriage and family. Not because I have no savings, no legal protection and no other options.

I'm curious how everyone else would handle this? I'm assuming there isn't much in the Bible regarding additional wives? None that i've found yet at least.
I’m this household, if there was ever to be a divorce, my husband would get that wife set up in a place to stay and give her an allowance for a set amount of time until she is on her feet. We do t belong divorce either but as you said it does happen.
 
My question is if the wife is the one who decides to leave.. Does she get to take the children she bore to her husband with her? We can see that having a man being a covering over his children is very important. I know it's very common in America for the mom to take the children in a split but what's the better option in that scenario? How would the families on here deal with this? Aren't children also the man's possessions just like his wives are?
 
Aren't children also the man's possessions just like his wives are?
Scripturally speaking yes. They belong to him. So from a biblical perspective she should go out with nothing, return to her father’s house and remain celibate until she dies or reconciles to her husband.

But we all know that’s not what ever happens in this Godless land.
 
If a wife decides to leave, she should leave with nothing that came from the marriage. It’s her choice to abandon the marriage/ husband, why should she get any of the fruits of the marriage. Especially the children.
I think if women actually had to weigh the costs of leaving everything (including children) they would be more apt to work it out and stay.


I have an issue with setting up a contingency plan for “when the marriage fails”- it sets it up for failure before it begins. If you have an out, the first hard thing you face, you are more likely to use it instead of digging deeper into the relationship to heal the problems.

I don’t have an issue with discussions, such as, or something happens to husband and he dies, how will things be set up to help provide for the wife/wives left in that unfortunate situation.

It comes down to mindset, I suppose.
 
Back
Top