Will a man change his mind about polygyny?

[Joleneakamama]

There have been times in my life when I broke down crying just because there wasn't someone else to pick up cold medicine or help me get the oil cap off my car. Sometimes you don't need much.

We do better belonging with others of "our kind."
Solitary confinement is punishment in prisons, but common for horses. But horses are herd animals and some develop bad habits to try and cope with the stress. ALL with do better when they can be around other horses, make a friend, and then stand around nose to tail and swish flies off each other's faces.
There is comfort in the presence and even noise of others.

I hope this is a short season and you find your people.

 

[steve]

We do better belonging with others of "our kind."
Solitary confinement is punishment in prisons, but common for horses. But horses are herd animals and some develop bad habits to try and cope with the stress. ALL with do better when they can be around other horses, make a friend, and then stand around nose to tail and swish flies off each other's faces.
There is comfort in the presence and even noise of others.

I hope this is a short season and you find your people.

I love this perspective

 

[steve]

To me, this way of saying it would be easier to understand;

We do better belonging with others of "our kind."
Solitary confinement is punishment in prisons, but commonly used for horses. But horses are herd animals and some develop bad habits to try and cope with the stress of being confined separately. ALL will do better when they can be around other horses, make a friend, and then stand around nose to tail and swish flies off each other's faces.
There is comfort in the presence and even noise of others.

I hope this is a short season and you find your people.

Please forgive me if I am presumptuous.

 

[NBTX11]

There have been times in my life when I broke down crying just because there wasn't someone else to pick up cold medicine or help me get the oil cap off my car. Sometimes you don't need much.

I’m so sorry sister. May God answer your prayers and provide for your needs.

 

[Southerngirl00]

I was discussing with a friend how people have things in their nature that will not change, even if the person tries to change for someone else.

An example is my mother did not like coffee her entire life, although everyone else in the family drank it.

I have also had experiences where friends have told me about a man “He says he will change for me” and of course he doesn’t, and we all reasonably knew he wouldn’t.

So my question is, regardless of the reason and rationale for the desire for polygyny (Biblical, needing more love/support, etc), when a man desires more than one wife is he ever likely to change?

Is this something he will always want even if he doesn’t act on it?

Not looking for judgement on anyone, but curious if this is a somewhat immutable part of a person’s nature?

So it’s interesting you brought this up because I actually just “flat out” asked my guy this question when we were talking last night. We have always been very open with each other and I asked if having other men around that are practicing polygyny and this being a new idea, if his mind will change later on. I asked if he would want to back down from what issues may come for him at home with his first wife as this process continues and told him a few weeks ago that I was giving him an “out”. His response to me was that he wasn’t going to change his mind and that if he is meant to be a leader that going back on this word would not be good for anyone. He even said it would make his first wife lose faith in him because he didn’t stand for what he believed in. He felt that he was opened up to this idea for a reason and part of that was taking me on as another wife to guide me and provide for me. I hope me sharing that helps you some, even though not every person thinks the same way.

 

[NBTX11]

Correct. Once I’ve studied something and come to a firm belief in it, I will not back down. It then becomes a deeply held belief and will not change. I suspect most men are like that.

 

[rockfox]

There’s a private heartbreak this speaks to today. I don’t want to think badly of anyone but you do assume that if you both love the same man that you both want the best for him. That isn’t always the case.

And in that you show more wisdom than many wives. There is a reason Titus 2 commanded the older to teach the younger to love their husbands and children. Instead of loving the person, they love what the person does for them or how they make them feel. Polygamy threatens that.