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Getting through the closeminded parts of accepting PM

Mikki G.

Mikki G.

Member
Female
Can I ask how you guys get through the closeminded parts of accepting PM. My husband is an amazing man but doesn't support PM but supports me. I want to be the wife that he needs me to be. I am where I feel God needs me and it's great. How do I at least open up his mind to PM. Or at least give him some understanding of it.
 
Mikki G. said:
Can I ask how you guys get through the closeminded parts of accepting PM. My husband is an amazing man but doesn't support PM but supports me. I want to be the wife that he needs me to be. I am where I feel God needs me and it's great. How do I at least open up his mind to PM. Or at least give him some understanding of it.
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I will dispense with standard "why change his mind etc..." and instead try to answer your actual question.
They have an excellent scripture reference here on the home page:
click Resources->Biblical->Scripture Index (see attached pic)

I've had decent success shocking people with Moses.
What I mean, is most people do not realize Moses himself was polygamous. This takes away the "G-d just permitted that then b/c people were dumb" argument - lol.
You just come back swinging "So Moses, when his face was glowing because of his closeness to G-d, was G-d just tolerating Moses' polygamy?"
Another fav of mine is, when the prophet Nathan rebuked David for the Bathsheba issue, and basically says "If you had wanted more x,y,z, or women you could have just asked, surely I would have given them to you"
So how is G-d Himself now "tolerating" by answering prayer directly by "giving" what's "tolerated" (sorry got quote happy there, imagine my fingers in the air making annoying quotes).
I also like to hit 'em with Paul's control of who can be an deacon having something to do with polygamy. It doesn't matter in this context if he's truly saying polygamists can't be deacons or not, the point is he's acknowledging that there are active polygamists in the body. I think it's a specific situational control there but that's for another post. The question comes down to "why is Paul regulating if it's non-existent outlawed by Messiah?)"

This all assumes your hubby likes to discuss things in that manner.
 

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Mikki G. said:
Can I ask how you guys get through the closeminded parts of accepting PM. My husband is an amazing man but doesn't support PM but supports me.
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My wife believed that PM was biblical long before I did. There came a point with her bringing it to me and a realization that scripture has been twisted to fit the image that society has of God, that I really started searching for the truth. I guess what I'm trying to say is be there to show him the truth but until he's ready to search for the truth he won't be open to it. There's some great resources here you cans copy and print out.
 
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IshChayil said:
I will dispense with standard "why change his mind etc..." and instead try to answer your actual question.
They have an excellent scripture reference here on the home page:
click Resources->Biblical->Scripture Index (see attached pic)

I've had decent success shocking people with Moses.
What I mean, is most people do not realize Moses himself was polygamous. This takes away the "G-d just permitted that then b/c people were dumb" argument - lol.
You just come back swinging "So Moses, when his face was glowing because of his closeness to G-d, was G-d just tolerating Moses' polygamy?"
Another fav of mine is, when the prophet Nathan rebuked David for the Bathsheba issue, and basically says "If you had wanted more x,y,z, or women you could have just asked, surely I would have given them to you"
So how is G-d Himself now "tolerating" by answering prayer directly by "giving" what's "tolerated" (sorry got quote happy there, imagine my fingers in the air making annoying quotes).
I also like to hit 'em with Paul's control of who can be an deacon having something to do with polygamy. It doesn't matter in this context if he's truly saying polygamists can't be deacons or not, the point is he's acknowledging that there are active polygamists in the body. I think it's a specific situational control there but that's for another post. The question comes down to "why is Paul regulating if it's non-existent outlawed by Messiah?)"

This all assumes your hubby likes to discuss things in that manner.[/QUO
IshChayil said:
I will dispense with standard "why change his mind etc..." and instead try to answer your actual question.
They have an excellent scripture reference here on the home page:
click Resources->Biblical->Scripture Index (see attached pic)

I've had decent success shocking people with Moses.
What I mean, is most people do not realize Moses himself was polygamous. This takes away the "G-d just permitted that then b/c people were dumb" argument - lol.
You just come back swinging "So Moses, when his face was glowing because of his closeness to G-d, was G-d just tolerating Moses' polygamy?"
Another fav of mine is, when the prophet Nathan rebuked David for the Bathsheba issue, and basically says "If you had wanted more x,y,z, or women you could have just asked, surely I would have given them to you"
So how is G-d Himself now "tolerating" by answering prayer directly by "giving" what's "tolerated" (sorry got quote happy there, imagine my fingers in the air making annoying quotes).
I also like to hit 'em with Paul's control of who can be an deacon having something to do with polygamy. It doesn't matter in this context if he's truly saying polygamists can't be deacons or not, the point is he's acknowledging that there are active polygamists in the body. I think it's a specific situational control there but that's for another post. The question comes down to "why is Paul regulating if it's non-existent outlawed by Messiah?)"

This all assumes your hubby likes to discuss things in that manner.
Click to expand...

IshChayil said:
I will dispense with standard "why change his mind etc..." and instead try to answer your actual question.
They have an excellent scripture reference here on the home page:
click Resources->Biblical->Scripture Index (see attached pic)

I've had decent success shocking people with Moses.
What I mean, is most people do not realize Moses himself was polygamous. This takes away the "G-d just permitted that then b/c people were dumb" argument - lol.
You just come back swinging "So Moses, when his face was glowing because of his closeness to G-d, was G-d just tolerating Moses' polygamy?"
Another fav of mine is, when the prophet Nathan rebuked David for the Bathsheba issue, and basically says "If you had wanted more x,y,z, or women you could have just asked, surely I would have given them to you"
So how is G-d Himself now "tolerating" by answering prayer directly by "giving" what's "tolerated" (sorry got quote happy there, imagine my fingers in the air making annoying quotes).
I also like to hit 'em with Paul's control of who can be an deacon having something to do with polygamy. It doesn't matter in this context if he's truly saying polygamists can't be deacons or not, the point is he's acknowledging that there are active polygamists in the body. I think it's a specific situational control there but that's for another post. The question comes down to "why is Paul regulating if it's non-existent outlawed by Messiah?)"

This all assumes your hubby likes to discuss things in that manner.
Click to expand...

I didn't mean change his mind. Just bring understanding. That's all
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That's what brought me here to this Forum. The never ending quest of study. You and your Husband are only a couple of hours from us. My wife and I could meet yall some where for coffee. I would enjoy the chance to get to talk to him if you think he'd be receptive.
 
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Kevin said:
That's what brought me here to this Forum. The never ending quest of study. You and your Husband are only a couple of hours from us. Jessica and I could meet yall some where for coffee. I would enjoy the chance to get to talk to him if you think he'd be receptive.
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Lol he's a need for sure. He's still new to me being ok with PM so if I was to have us meet someone it won't be for a while till he himself is use to it. But I really like that I have support on here.
 
What made me stop and think (and ultimately led me to change regarding PM) was being asked to explain the comment in a well known Study Bible about Lamech having two wives, in Genesis 4:19. The writer in the Study Bible referred to the situation as bigamy and a sin. Once I started looking at what is actually written, I could only conclude Lamech was not in sin and nor were any of the other men in the Bible recorded in plural marriages. Asking questions prompts people to think and you might find that since your husband enjoys studying God's Word, he will come to understand the truth. God's Word is living and powerful so it can change men's and women's hearts. It took me a while but the woman who began asking is now my second wife. :)
 
frederick said:
What made me stop and think (and ultimately led me to change regarding PM) was being asked to explain the comment in a well known Study Bible about Lamech having two wives, in Genesis 4:19. The writer in the Study Bible referred to the situation as bigamy and a sin. Once I started looking at what is actually written, I could only conclude Lamech was not in sin and nor were any of the other men in the Bible recorded in plural marriages. Asking questions prompts people to think and you might find that since your husband enjoys studying God's Word, he will come to understand the truth. God's Word is living and powerful so it can change men's and women's hearts. It took me a while but the woman who began asking is now my second wife. :)
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So it's good to ask questions about it then. lol I don't want to scare him off
 
A simple, common metaphor that can help understanding is how a parent can have more than one child without loving the first any less.

Another approach is to realize that God actually gave at least some men the capacity for polgyny. Why? Because He ordered Levitate marriage, but does not tempt us beyond what we are able to bear.
 
My husband at first had trouble understanding my acceptance of polygyny, because he could not relate personally to me being willing to "share" him. Once he was able to really study, and could see it was biblical, and lawful if one stayed within the laws God established, he realized I am usual, but that my interest was not abnormal or sinful in any way.

Making polygyny a part of your belief, and then realizing that life goes on without any earth shattering changes to your walk and marriage, makes it easier to see it as the non threat it really is. Like mojo mentioned, you cannot make him take another wife.
Were he to visit poly minded folks on this forum, or others, he would find many like us that have been open to that life for many years, and are still very happy in monogamous marriages.

It is nice to feel understood as a wife though, and not have your dear hubby looking sideways at you like you've lost your marbles.!

I hope you both get closer as a couple through the study of biblical marriage.
 
Joleneakamama said:
My husband at first had trouble understanding my acceptance of polygyny, because he could not relate personally to me being willing to "share" him. Once he was able to really study, and could see it was biblical, and lawful if one stayed within the laws God established, he realized I am usual, but that my interest was not abnormal or sinful in any way.

Making polygyny a part of your belief, and then realizing that life goes on without any earth shattering changes to your walk and marriage, makes it easier to see it as the non threat it really is. Like mojo mentioned, you cannot make him take another wife.
Were he to visit poly minded folks on this forum, or others, he would find many like us that have been open to that life for many years, and are still very happy in monogamous marriages.

It is nice to feel understood as a wife though, and not have your dear hubby looking sideways at you like you've lost your marbles.!

I hope you both get closer as a couple through the study of biblical marriage.
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I cannot bring myself to make him. lol I'm not a person who is ok with saying chose this or else. Lol my mom would smack me across the mouth if I did that Hahahaha. Thank you for the encouraging words
 
Verifyveritas76 said:
I totally agree @Joleneakamama. One of the takeaways for @Well loved wife and I is that it has caused us to realize that every day we get to be in this season is a very special blessing to be enjoyed and appreciated while looking ahead and anticipating the next season that may or may not ever come.
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This whole learning about PM is what's exciting for me. It's different but also it's a part of the Holy Word that is new for me to learn. It's a part of my history and if there's one thing I love it's history. Learning about how it all fits together is an adventure all on its own.
 
Mikki G. said:
Can I ask how you guys get through the closeminded parts of accepting PM. My husband is an amazing man but doesn't support PM but supports me. I want to be the wife that he needs me to be. I am where I feel God needs me and it's great. How do I at least open up his mind to PM. Or at least give him some understanding of it.
Click to expand...
Mikki,
For me, a guy, and most other guys are vertical thinkers. We do #1 on the list, #2, #3, . . . Do not ask a man to do #3 while he is doing #1. Brain lock up. Women think horizontally. Dinner, career, children, shopping, etc all at one time. Or another example; men and women all have rooms in our brains. Men go in a room and close the door. They have no doors open, but to exit and enter said room. Women on the other hand, LEAVE EVERY DOOR OPEN!! While I'm in the leaky faucet room Do Not open the door to the leaky faucet room and open up the door to flat tire room. Brain lock up. Both are normal and for God's glory. I esplain this soes use can understand (Godfather accent here). You cannot open up his mind until other things are at least not a distraction. He just thinks different. Not wrong just different. To open up his mind or understanding get several books about the subject you wish to SHARE with him. First, if real Love isn't your only motive it has a good chance of closing that door. A book like "The Great Ommision," by Clyde L. Pilkington, Jr. is a good one. You read it too! There are many more. Be patient, men tend to be creatures most led by logic and not emotions. Encourage, but don't push. You'll be fine. You already have the difficult part accomplished. YOU! Not that there won't be struggles, hurts, etc. you'll get there with Love❣️❣️
 
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