Being the source of that heartache seems selfish, I question what kind of woman would I be if my presence contributed to it?
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Becoming a 2nd or 3rd wife seems less appealing after hearing how much heartache first wives endure at the very thought of polygany
- Thread starter theleastofthese
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Refusing to play along with transgenderism by not affirming their mental disorder seems selfish to those trapped in that fantasy. Remain in the truth without apology. It's for their own sake that they face their own deceptions and grow in understanding and faith. But if you doubt, do not go forward. Anything done without faith is sin. Pray for faith.
I have reservations as to why polygany is called "the truth." Yes it's biblical but so is monogamy, why is one considered the truth over the other?
As a first wife who endure what you describe, I'd like to say this:
I am so thankful for the opportunity to grow and mature in my faith. Polygyny was simply the catalyst, but if not for that, I hope God would have tested my faith in some other way. I would not go back to "before" because I would not want to be blissfully ignorant again. It wasn't so blissful anyway.
Much as the rainbow comes after the flood, freedom of heart and mind come after the testing of faith.
To any woman hoping to be added as another wife to a husband, I wouldn't want my own struggles and journey to deter them in their pursuit.
Thank youAs a first wife who endure what you describe, I'd like to say this:
I am so thankful for the opportunity to grow and mature in my faith. Polygyny was simply the catalyst, but if not for that, I hope God would have tested my faith in some other way. I would not go back to "before" because I would not want to be blissfully ignorant again. It wasn't so blissful anyway.
Much as the rainbow comes after the flood, freedom of heart and mind come after the testing of faith.
To any woman hoping to be added as another wife to a husband, I wouldn't want my own struggles and journey to deter them in their pursuit.
I do hope to build a wonderful relationship with my future sister-wife, God willing. I just can't help but feel empathy for what they're going through.
That's a great question. It's not that monogamy isn't truth, but that exclusion of polygyny is not truth. Acknowledgement of polygyny helps a great deal in understanding what marriage actually is and isn't, something which the doctrine of monogamy obscures. Understanding why polygyny is Biblical--and accepting it--shatters many idols.
As a first wife I liked the idea for 20 years before that impossible dream became reality. There was no heartache at the thought of "sharing" my husband, there was more like a longing for the friendship that might be. That is reflected in the poems I wrote back then. My heart rewrote lyrics to songs last year to reflect the change in our family. My heart was full of thankfulness and joy and wonder at this new amazing person that belonged with us.
I still wonder....and my heart still sings.
I would never want to back....and I never want to take my sisterwife for granted either.
I miss her when she's gone. Always enjoy her company, love seeing her happy....and my heart hurts when she cries.
I love her children, and trust her completely with mine.
Don't let your fear of causing someone pain prevent you from being an amazing blessing to someone who will welcome you and love you. Not all first wives are opposed to the idea....but all will have some adjusting to do. I'm happy to share about that ...but probably in private messages.
Weather someone sinks or swims is not up to the water. We are each responsible for our own relationship(s).
The truth is that both monogamy and polygeny are acceptable opposed to the more commonly held belief that only monogamy is acceptable.
You my dear always warm my heart with edifying shares.
Much thanks!
I see, so it's based on the fact that it's commonly rejected among churches/christian organizations. Thank you both.
As a first wife who endure what you describe, I'd like to say this:
I am so thankful for the opportunity to grow and mature in my faith. Polygyny was simply the catalyst, but if not for that, I hope God would have tested my faith in some other way. I would not go back to "before" because I would not want to be blissfully ignorant again. It wasn't so blissful anyway.
Much as the rainbow comes after the flood, freedom of heart and mind come after the testing of faith.
To any woman hoping to be added as another wife to a husband, I wouldn't want my own struggles and journey to deter them in their pursuit.
Thank you ladies for sharing and putting my mind and heart more at ease.
This times 100. Believing something hard and doing something about it is putting your faith into action. It's easy to believe in monogamy. No consequences. Get along with everyone. Be liked by everyone. Be accepted in your church.
Going out on a limb and living biblical truths, no matter how hard they may be, increases your faith. It also makes you a target. It makes you examine long and hard what you believe and why you believe it. It makes you be willing to take a stand on the truth, rather than go along with the crowd like everyone else.
Just my humble opinion about this, but it's vehemently held:
- 1st wives demonstrate their own selfishness when they demand to any degree that whatever heartache they experience contemplating having to share their man with another wife.
- What is far too often overlooked is the very real heartache all the leftover women who do not have a husband experience.
- The potential 2nd or 3rd wife experiences tangible heartache without the comfort, protection or passion of her own man.
- The 1st wife experiences heartache that is to a significant degree imaginary (based on unrealized fears, etc.) and does so while regularly having the opportunity to experience comfort, protection and passion with the man she already has.
In the Bible we read of men and women who are single, those who are married, and men married to more than one women. Each of these situations is biblical and is the truth, and God has not set any requirements or limitations as to numbers (except for a woman who is only allowed one husband). The difficulty arises because certain people call it a sin when a man has more than one wife at a time - something God has not done. It is not more right or wrong for a man to have one wife, or two, or more. What is wrong is for people to call something sin which God says is holy and right; i.e. a man having more than one wife. Blessings
The Truth is that even the distinction is bogus. "Mono-" and "poly-" are Greek prefix terms, applied to the Scriptural concept of 'marriage.'
The problem is re-defining what He Wrote for our blessing to fit the "traditions of men."
PS> It occurs to me that another appropriate modern parallel, ultimately a continuation of the same process, it to take "male and female He created them," from Genesis, and say, NO!
He didn't create anything of the sort: there are at least 57 flavors of genders, and we're not going to even allow anything He taught to BE taught any more...
He didn't create anything of the sort: there are at least 57 flavors of genders, and we're not going to even allow anything He taught to BE taught any more...
To quote my drill instructor, pain is just weakness leaving the body! When the pain passes it leaves behind a stronger, more effective war fighter. Pain it isn’t a bad thing then. It’s a necessary thing.
To state the obvious, that would depend on if the pain is body recomposition or an injury such as a torn tendon. Your drill instructor knew this and watched the troops, knowing when to rest or back off. The same is true when you see another person suffering heartache. I understand the OP's concern.
To use another example: There is a huge difference between "proof" testing and "destructive" testing.
It's good to be here btw. I'll do an introduction sometime this week.
Sometimes the pain resulted in casualties, no doubt. I saw recruits not make it, some because they weren’t able to ands one because they weren’t willing to. But the pain was the same. It was the reactions that differed.
You could join a family that wants you. That's an option.
But assuming that every first wife objects to poly is not at all accurate. It's just not the case.