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Bible study + Dating = Good idea or Bad idea

rockfox said:
Discussions about dating only date you. I'm broadly informed it's not really much of a thing anymore in most circles.
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Agreed. We just recently saw the movie "The Dating Project" at the threater. It was one of these one day only things at the theater. My takeaway was that among the younger generation, dating as a part of culture was not just fading. It was literally 100% gone. Modern college students literally had no clue about dating. Among the younger set, dating has been completly replaced by the hook up culture even among "Christians".

https://www.thedatingprojectmovie.com/
 
Kevin said:
Some want to link courting to the Jewish Betrothal thinking it makes courting Biblical.
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I think you said this, but I want to emphasize that the difference between the two is that betrothal was commited marriage, while courting is not. Which is, of course, a very big difference.

I think you are saying the same thing. I just wanted to highlight it.

Betrothal is a very interesting concept, all but lost in our modern culture. The idea that you would be married, but not jump to consumate it seem foriegn to us, but I think has a lot to recommend it.

Had my prospect last year accepted my proposal I had planned to have a betrothal period.

I have read a theory that the exception clause for fornication only applied during the betrothal period. I find this a very interesting theory. The idea is that you do not know where she has been before the betrothal. You get betrothed and you get to guard her for nine months. If she turns up pregnant before that then she was with someone else and you are off the hook. However, after a 9 month betrothal any babies after that are your reponsibility becuase you have it in your power to guard and watch over her and so you consumate and are absolutely committed just as she is from that time onward.
 
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cnystrom said:
I have read a theory that the exception clause for fornication only applied during the betrothal period. I find this a very interesting theory. The idea is that you do not know where she has been before the betrothal. You get betrothed and you get to guard her for nine months. If she turns up before pregnant before that then she was with someone else and you are off the hook. However, after a 9 month betrothal any babies after that are your responsibility because you have it in your power to guard and watch over her and so you consummate and are absolutely committed just as she is from that time onward.
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Very provocative. Makes a lot of sense.
 
cnystrom said:
I have read a theory that the exception clause for fornication only applied during the betrothal period. I find this a very interesting theory. The idea is that you do not know where she has been before the betrothal. You get betrothed and you get to guard her for nine months. If she turns up before pregnant before that then she was with someone else and you are off the hook. However, after a 9 month betrothal any babies after that are your reponsibility becuase you have it in your power to guard and watch over her and so you consumate and are absolutely committed just as she is from that time onward.
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In some Romani traditions there comes a betrothal time after an arrangement is made between a man and womans father or man's father and a woman's father. The groom to be gives his bride to be a glass of wine. If she accepts the betrothal time begins. She goes to live with the grooms family for 30 days to a year depending on the traditions of that Kumepenia. The young man goes to live with and Uncle or cousin for that time (no contact). If she turns up to be with child, then she is sent home because she was a dirty girl. It's during this time that the mother of the young man test her soon to to be daughter in law to see if she knows how to run a household and corrects her when she makes mistakes (this usally not a pleasant time for the young lady). It's also where she is taught the traditions of that family and the way that family reads scripture. That way she knows what her husband will expect.

Then of course the other way is to steal your bride, but that's a different subject.
 
cnystrom said:
My takeaway was that among the younger generation, dating as a part of culture was not just fading. It was literally 100% gone. Modern college students literally had no clue about dating. Among the younger set, dating has been completly replaced by the hook up culture even among "Christians".
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I am not at all surprised. The Christian dating culture was frequently only thin window dressing over hookups. Even in long term dating, no one seriously tried to stop them from premarital sex even when it was patently obvious what was going on. Just lots of bluster and moral posturing.

It is interesting though how fast it changed.
 
James A said:
Dating is not Biblical, Courting is which I believe in. Having a elder there that is wise prevents temptations and the emotional connections forming to fast and out of place
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And is there somewhere a ban on communication or a date? If you study the Bible it does not mean that you must be detached from everything. After all, a person made a conscious choice that he wants to study the Bible and this is an indicator that a person can decide this question before him. After all, every person is leading his way (that is, he is looking for a way himself).
The Bible directs it but the way he chooses himself. This is the view of my Asian girlfriend. I support it and I want to say that there is nothing good or bad in dating while studying the Bible. Until you try not to understand.
 
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Personally I don't fully date a woman until I know her beliefs and knowledge on the scripture. Doing anything else would be dangerous to the relationship if it continued. I made this mistake once, it lead to the gal walking off because I did it in the wrong order. 1st discuss the bible together, then progress into personal topics and repeat, Dr. Marriage orders :)
 
Fridrix Rouk said:
And is there somewhere a ban on communication or a date? If you study the Bible it does not mean that you must be detached from everything. After all, a person made a conscious choice that he wants to study the Bible and this is an indicator that a person can decide this question before him. After all, every person is leading his way (that is, he is looking for a way himself).
The Bible directs it but the way he chooses himself. This is the view of my Asian girlfriend. I support it and I want to say that there is nothing good or bad in dating while studying the Bible. Until you try not to understand.
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Have you studied the OT on this matter? What did it teach you about getting a wife?
 
Personally how do you know where a man stands as head if you do not know what he believes. A man will teach what he believes to be true.
It just isn't wise to enter into marriage with someone who does not 1. Have good leadership skills. 2. Can not pray with his family. 3. Lead his family in the study of the Bible.
Being unequally yoked is disastrous!
 
As far as courting and dating goes, either way there must be boundaries.
There must be the chance to get to know the other person mentally, emotionally, physically (to a certain extent) and spiritually.
Personally, we do "Family Dating", esp under the age of 18.
We get to know eachother families. We spend the majority of "dates" at the others house with their family. Catching a movie, eating with them, and then most of the time we will go outside, in view from the house, sit on the picnic table and just talk and get to know eachother.

It's one of those things where it's supervised privacy and you can discuss from "what does the bible mean when it says No man hath seen God" to "I believe poly is okay" to "How should children be trained"

I think we try so hard to "safeguard" ourselves that we but barriers up so that we can not truly understand the other persons views and find out
1. Can I, in terms of preparing to be a wife, submit to this if I were to get married to this person.
2. Are we equally yoked (there will be variations in every persons life because it is two different people with two different backgrounds, two different childhoods, etc) and
3. Does he meet up with what God says is right for a husband and does he meet up with what my parents and myself want, characterally, in a mate for myself.

All in all, study the bible together. Discuss the bible together. Discuss beliefs and habits and flaws and hurts and memories and become eachothers best friend. There's only so far that sexual desire will go. Don't let sex be the glue to marriage, but communication, friendship, and ultimately God and His Word.
 
I happened to be Rainy's ride to bible study before we were dating. I wasn't vetting her for suitability, but had taken on the role of 'big brother'. It turns out that she was low key stalking me the whole time. But, from following me around all the time she had a pretty good idea of who I was, especially because you don't tend to put on a face for your little sister.

When I eventually noticed that she was a female, bible study pretty much was our dating life, (I have no romance in my soul) except for taking her out to eat, like twice. When I asked her out, I had already decided I wanted to marry her, and I think I had an attitude about the word dating.

In my mind bible study is a fairly good substitute for dating. Your mileage may vary, but I'm more myself in worship or theology sparring than I am at a nice restaurant
 
The evolutionary guys would say that your going to a nice restaurant is just a platform for you to demonstrate that you’ll be a good provider. It almost doesn’t matter what happens during the dinner as long as you pick up the tab.

But yeah, as far as getting to know each other and building a bond and a foundation for a lifelong relationship, give me working together (and especially Kingdom working together) over leisure activities (dinner and a movie anyone?) every time.
 
andrew said:
But yeah, as far as getting to know each other and building a bond and a foundation for a lifelong relationship, give me working together (and especially Kingdom working together) over leisure activities (dinner and a movie anyone?) every time.
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It is always best to see how a person behaves over a long period of time and outside of the context of dating. Within that context they are more likely to put up a false front, and it can take months even years for that veil to drop. Although, if they go to Kingdom activities for the purpose of finding a mate, you'll have a lot of the same problem.

Daughter_Of_The_King said:
Can I, in terms of preparing to be a wife, submit to this if I were to get married to this person.
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This is a good conversation to have, especially about major topics. However many conflicts will be things neither would ever have thought of before they started married life. It also potentially puts you in a position of, 'I submitted to him because I agreed with all his viewpoints but now that I don't agree with his new viewpoint I don't want to submit because he is wrong'.

Not saying you have that attitude, but many do and it is a risk to be aware of. It is better to figure out: is this a person of such character and wisdom I can trust and submit to him completely in all things; even when I think he is wrong. That's the funny thing about disagreements; one or both parties are wrong but think they're right. It is easy to submit when you agree already; but submitting when you disagree is when it is both most important and also most difficult.
 
rockfox said:
It is always best to see how a person behaves over a long period of time and outside of the context of dating. Within that context they are more likely to put up a false front, and it can take months even years for that veil to drop. Although, if they go to Kingdom activities for the purpose of finding a mate, you'll have a lot of the same problem.



This is a good conversation to have, especially about major topics. However many conflicts will be things neither would ever have thought of before they started married life. It also potentially puts you in a position of, 'I submitted to him because I agreed with all his viewpoints but now that I don't agree with his new viewpoint I don't want to submit because he is wrong'.

Not saying you have that attitude, but many do and it is a risk to be aware of. It is better to figure out: is this a person of such character and wisdom I can trust and submit to him completely in all things; even when I think he is wrong. That's the funny thing about disagreements; one or both parties are wrong but think they're right. It is easy to submit when you agree already; but submitting when you disagree is when it is both most important and also most difficult.
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I agree. My boyfriend and I have a different view on alcohol. I believe it's fine in moderation, he believes none at all outside of the amount in dayquil. Lol. That's one thing I had to look at and say okay, If I get married to you, I will submit myself to your perspectives etc. I don't agree with it per se but I will submit myself to that.
 
andrew said:
The evolutionary guys would say that your going to a nice restaurant is just a platform for you to demonstrate that you’ll be a good provider. It almost doesn’t matter what happens during the dinner as long as you pick up the tab.

But yeah, as far as getting to know each other and building a bond and a foundation for a lifelong relationship, give me working together (and especially Kingdom working together) over leisure activities (dinner and a movie anyone?) every time.
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I agree on Kingdom working together over leisure activities. Both can be fun and you get to know the other from different angles, but putting your hands to a task, working through that together and probably with others alongside both of you really allows a free flow of conversation, topics, interaction etc. That usually just doesn't happen over dinner, especially at a restaurant. The dead silences, what do we talk about next, both are trying to have their best foot forward, nervousness produces awkward spills of drink, food, whatever--none of these issues are even in the picture when you're focused on Kingdom work. So say you go to dinner after working together on Kingdom work--great segue to an even greater evening together. You pick up right where you left off in the Kingdom work. Everything just flows easily into personal topics.

BTW--it doesn't have to be Kingdom work. It could be putting in a new flower bed or cleaning one, painting a room, cleaning out a garage, pruning trees, just about any kind of work produces a bond that few other things can.
 
Daughter_Of_The_King said:
As far as courting and dating goes, either way there must be boundaries.
There must be the chance to get to know the other person mentally, emotionally, physically (to a certain extent) and spiritually.
Personally, we do "Family Dating", esp under the age of 18.
We get to know eachother families. We spend the majority of "dates" at the others house with their family. Catching a movie, eating with them, and then most of the time we will go outside, in view from the house, sit on the picnic table and just talk and get to know eachother.

It's one of those things where it's supervised privacy and you can discuss from "what does the bible mean when it says No man hath seen God" to "I believe poly is okay" to "How should children be trained"

I think we try so hard to "safeguard" ourselves that we but barriers up so that we can not truly understand the other persons views and find out
1. Can I, in terms of preparing to be a wife, submit to this if I were to get married to this person.
2. Are we equally yoked (there will be variations in every persons life because it is two different people with two different backgrounds, two different childhoods, etc) and
3. Does he meet up with what God says is right for a husband and does he meet up with what my parents and myself want, characterally, in a mate for myself.

All in all, study the bible together. Discuss the bible together. Discuss beliefs and habits and flaws and hurts and memories and become eachothers best friend. There's only so far that sexual desire will go. Don't let sex be the glue to marriage, but communication, friendship, and ultimately God and His Word.
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I'm so glad you're seeing the value of boundaries that are safe, yet reasonable. It's also good to see the two of you willing to hear each other out, challenge your positions, look into the Scriptures for answers, and keep Yeshua in the center of your relationship building.
 
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