Hi Fairlight and All,
For the past 12-13 years I've been involved in the CHRISTIAN-based polygamy movement. In that time I've seen all that Fairlight has seen and much, much more. Some of it has been worse, some hasn't been as bad, but all of it is dangerous to people in the polygamy movement and the polygamy movement itself.
If we who are in favor of polygamy cannot learn to work together to police ourselves, then we will gain neither acceptance, nor will be be allowed to police ourselves--the government will step in and I guarantee that will NOT be good for polygamy.
That is the pattern of government intervention throughout history. When people, organizations, and groups do not take care of their own problems, the government steps in, usually with mixed or negative results, and very infrequently with results that make everyone, nor even most everyone, happy.
Polygamy though, is not regulated, and is not a single organization. It is a number of various organizations, people, and groups, and isn't controlled or administered centrally by anyone. That makes it tough to deal with these issues. It makes it tough to self-regulate anything.
However, I do have some suggestions that may provide a solution to this problem...
(1)
Organization to Provide Oversight Over Rules of Behavior for the Polygamy Movement and Polygamy Communities and Purpose. I would recommend that an Organization be set up to help provide and regulate Rules of Behavior for Member Christian-based and/or Biblically-based polygamy sites, groups, or organizations, for the benefit and safety of the polygamy community and polygamy movement.
Such organization will only have power to provide oversight and regulation over Rules of Behavior and Blacklisting such persons or sites, groups, or organizations which do not follow the Rules of Behavior, as agreed upon by Members of this Organization.
Such Organization will be a loosely-constructed organization with power only granted by the Member Christian-based and/or Biblically-based polygamy sites, groups, or organizations. It shall have no further powers, nor may it's charter allow any changes to expand its powers or authority beyond this scope at any time.
(2)
Name. Well, the name could be anything, but it should reflect the purpose of said Organization to provide for the safety and benefit of the polygamy community and polygamy movement. Perhaps something like "Polygamy Safety and Friendship Establishment" (PSAFE) or "Safety In Polygamy Board" (SIPB). I know neither of those are that great, so I'll leave that up to whomever runs with this idea and makes it happen.
(3)
Membership. Voting Membership should consist of the leadership of prominent Christian-based and/or Biblically-based polygamy sites, groups, or organizations. Membership should be limited to those sites, groups, or organizations self-identifying as "Christian" or by some similar standard. Secular organizations and other religious organizations may accept the rules of said Organization, but shall not be allowed to hold any authority within the Organization. Non-voting Members may include anyone that agrees and abides by the Rules of Behavior of this Organization.
(4)
Board. The leadership of prominent Christian-based and/or Biblically-based polygamy sites, groups, or organizations shall elect a number of Board Members to be determined by the Voting Membership of the Organization. The Board shall be elected yearly and no Board Member shall serve more than two consecutive terms, nor more than four terms in total.
(5)
Judgment over Rules of Behavior. We should handle problems in a manner like Jesus and Paul suggested in Scripture:
If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have won your brother. But if he does not hear, take along with you one or two more, so that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. But if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the assembly. But if he refuses even to hear the assembly, let him be to you as a heathen and a tax collector. (Matthew 18:15-17)
Reject a divisive man after the first and second admonition, knowing that such a person has been perverted and is sinning, being self-condemned. (Titus 3:10-11)
Now we are not dealing
solely with Christians within these sites, groups or organizations, but
this method should work if we all work together to enforce it.
Persons or groups disobeying the Rules of Behavior shall be blacklisted and banned from all Member sites, groups, and organizations.
(6)
Blacklisting. Any person, group, organization, or site not abiding by the Rules of Behavior and judged to have broken the Rules shall be banned from all member sites either permanently or for a set time chosen by the Board, depending upon the specific issue in question and the severity of the issue, as determined by the Board. Specific rules to determine punishments may be determined by the Board.
(7)
Rules of Behavior. The Rules of Behavior for this Organization shall be determined by the Board, based upon recommendation of both Voting Members and standard Membership. The Rules should be taken from practical examples drawn from the experiences with the various issues which have occurred within the polygamy communities and polygamy movement.
(8)
Additional Rules of Behavior Adopted by Member Sites, Groups, and Organizations. Individual sites, groups, or organizations may have additional rules of behavior of their own, but shall not restrict or modify the agreed upon Rules of Behavior of this Organization, but shall abide by those Rules for the benefit and safety of the polygamy communities and polygamy movement.
(9)
Logos, Artwork, and Badges. Logos, artwork, and badges for Voting Members websites and for the use of all Members shall be designed and provided by the Organization for use according to the terms chosen by the Board for the purpose of promoting the Rules of Behavior within the polygamy communities and the polygamy movement. On websites such logos, artwork, and badges will link to the Organization and the Rules.
Whether this will work or not, and whether Biblical Families and other sites will adopt these suggestions, I don't know. However, I will pledge my Yahoo Group, ChristianPolygamy2, to being a Member of this Organization and abiding by its Rules.
I believe this will work, and we can modify the Organization and its purpose as it grows and we discover any flaws or improvements that should be integrated into the Organization's bylaws, in order to make it work right.
Think of this as the equivalent of a public non-profit organization like a "United Nations" for polygamy--in only the good ways, of course, and with less power in its sphere.
Friends, please leave me feedback on this idea. I would join someone in taking the lead to get this started if necessary, but we'd need help and support from Biblical Families and any others that wish to be involved. This Organization should belong to all of us, FOR all of us.
John for Christ
Fairlight said:
I wanted to underscore what Pastor Whitten has said above.
I have been troubled by this exact situation for some time now. IMHO, I feel it is time that the Christian sector of "Poly World" step up to the plate and begin to employ greater integrity and character in their words, actions and within their families.
Since my own entrance into the Christian Polygyny movement; I've met some wonderful people. It has truly been a priveledge to get to know some of you. Unfortunately, I've also experienced some very negative situations. I have also had female friends share their own unpleasant experiences. A few examples would be....
1.) Receiving unsolicited sexually graphic messages on a social network from a prominent member of the Christian Polygyny movement.
2.) Being intentionally "outed" to a non-poly friend by another member of the Christian Polygyny movement because he was mad at me for a comment I made defending a friend of mine. He also deliberately used my real name online on several forums, even after I politely asked him not to.
3.) Pro-poly friends of mine (a husband, one wife and three children) were threatened by a well known member of the Poly community. He threatened to destroy the husband's livlihood and also made separate threats against the family.
4.) Another well known Christian Polygyny member routinely teaches on various forums that it is perfectly okay to hit your wives in order to discipline them. He tries to use the Bible verse, Proverbs 26:3 to justify this teaching. He also teaches that it's okay for men to not tell their existing wife/wives about marrying any subsequent wives.
5.) A married pro-poly female acquaintance told me about receiving messages from men telling her that it was God's will that she leave her husband and marry them. The last time I spoke to her she said she doesn't think she wants anything to do with the poly community.
6.) Several women who married into plural families only to be kicked to the curb because the first wife decided she couldn't live polygyny after all. Their husband caved to the demands of the first wife and sent the second wife packing.
7.) Another female acquaintance who was separated from her husband (and brand new to B.F.) received so many offers from men in just a few days that it scared her. She quickly left B.F. (She had also received a message from a man claiming God told him she was to marry him.)
8.) One woman claiming to be a Christian married into a plural family before divorcing her first husband.
This list is by no means exhaustive nor are the problems in the Christian Polygyny movement only related to female experiences. I have heard about men who were lied to and defrauded by women. Please don't misunderstand me. I love B.F. and I believe that it is a very valuable forum. I have always had good experiences with the B.F. staff. They have always been very responsive and caring in their communications with me. I do understand that we will never be able to stop all bad behavior and people need to use the brain that God gave them especially when dealing with online forums. I just strongly believe that it is time to be more proactive and clean up our act somewhat. Perhaps it's time for an official B.F. code of ethical conduct ?
As Christians I believe we need to set the bar a bit higher and set an example that God would be proud of.
Blessings,
Fairlight
