Good point and another piece of wisdom to add to one's understanding when considering potential relationships.
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Courtship?
- Thread starter Obedient Christian girl
- Start date
It seems to me that the main complication to that whole dynamic, is the same cultaural stigma that we see with polygyny in the first place, but of course that mainly applies when it is the older man approaching the younger woman who has reached adulthood (can't leave that qualifier out).
One of the difficulties I've experienced in all this is that cultural divide. I've made a few trips to Africa/Middle East and seen their culture, spent almost a year over there. And I've found myself very interested in adopting several elements into my life. But it is pretty hard to overcome that fundamental attribution error most Americans have with Middle Eastern thought. Poly? Terrorists do that. Arranged marriages? Terrorists do that. Men 'buying' women as wives? Terrorists do that. Most of the norms in the Bible are 'barbarian' to westernized America. So for those few of us who are driving toward a Biblical family structure, we are both exceedingly rare, and have the difficulty of overcoming severe cultural opposition. Not only from the people around hs, but also sometimes our own apprehension.
I showed my Dad where the Hebrew people in the diaspora were told to "take daughters for their sons" Jer29:6 and since we are, in many ways, the people of YaH in the diaspora, then that may have merit for us here as well. He has said he will not seek a wife for me because that is not American culture. So culture is law. (Which is consistent with the modern belief that morality is culturally defined.)
I showed my Dad where the Hebrew people in the diaspora were told to "take daughters for their sons" Jer29:6 and since we are, in many ways, the people of YaH in the diaspora, then that may have merit for us here as well. He has said he will not seek a wife for me because that is not American culture. So culture is law. (Which is consistent with the modern belief that morality is culturally defined.)
True, but that is not a prohibition against you finding a wife on your own, through the help of the Holy Spirit of course.
Just some responses to what you posted here:
1. Plenty of American men have multiple wives. Just not all at the same time.
2. Plenty of Americans get into arranged marriages when their family or friends "set them up" to meet someone.
3. Plenty of American men pay dowries to their wives' families when they marry the wife and then give money to her parents to "help them out"...would the husbands do that had they not married the in-laws daughter? Unlikely.
Americans do all of these things but they call those things by other names to make themselves feel better about it.
I will give the advice I will give my step daughter & future daughters.
Do not date I as The Father will test this man to see if He is Worthy of you.
Once I know He is Worthy of you I will give my Approval of Marriage.
In the case of him being Married I would want to Interview both with and without you.
I would get to know their Fathers and Mothers and their Family as well so I can make this Approval.
May Hashem Bless you with Health, Wealth and a Husband with a Heart filled with G-ds Love.
May none of your children go without and May they be Blessed in this manner as well.
May everything they touch be Blessed so they they always do well. Amen!
I'm surprised nobody has directly mentioned to the OP that her father is an ideal intermediary, if available. He has to support the fella in order to give her in marriage anyways, and a good father desires good for his children. For the daughter to point out the man of interest will certainly get dad thinking and looking into the matter. Almost certainly going to meet the prospect and get to know him.
In the Arab/Semitic/Hebrew mind, the dad is quite interested in getting his daughters the best possible spouse. Because it ties the families together, the dad wants the best possible son-in-law, business partner, and family connections for himself also. It's just in the west that dads have been told to butt out of family life and go keep making money for everyone else to spend. So giving dad the option of checking out a fella is probably a right honor he wouldn't much expect.
In the Arab/Semitic/Hebrew mind, the dad is quite interested in getting his daughters the best possible spouse. Because it ties the families together, the dad wants the best possible son-in-law, business partner, and family connections for himself also. It's just in the west that dads have been told to butt out of family life and go keep making money for everyone else to spend. So giving dad the option of checking out a fella is probably a right honor he wouldn't much expect.
So true! Of course, she had her mother-in-law guiding her along the way.
Very well said!
I've found that junior high drama lingers long after junior high. The drama in most workplaces has a striking resemblance to junior high drama.
That's truly unfortunate. Personally, I'd think that most men would welcome the woman making the first move, but I guess I'm out of touch. LOL
Every intelligent man listens to his wife if she is a faithful servant of God.
For example, Sarah's advice to Abraham proved to be advice from God. Abigail's advice to David and her devotion and humility came from God. What I'm saying is that some women give good advice. Women who faithfully serve God are wise. Proverbs 31 Virtuous woman.
However, evil women are evil, for example, Ahab's wife Jezebel. Jezebel was the personification of evil.
A man must be discerning and choose good women to be his wives, in order to be surrounded with good wisdom. For man to be surrounded by virtue and good advice.
It is important that any man who wants to be in a relationship with you talk to the father. Your father serves as a filter that keeps the bad men away, keeps the opportunists away from you. Therefore, it is important for any man who wants to be in a relationship with you to talk to your father. If a man doesn't have the courage to talk to his father, either by video message or in person or just text, it's time for you to question whether this man really has good intentions.
I think that talking to the father is a great idea, especially if it is someone who lives close to you. But realistically there are probably very few people that live close to each of us that have any interest in polygyny.
What I would love personally is if there were members of this website that would act as a matchmaker. After all a man can dream you know, and I'm sure most of us do. Take this website for instance, it can be hard to even know if a woman is even single and even if she is, it's not like I can contact her father. Anyway that's my two cents worth.
What I would love personally is if there were members of this website that would act as a matchmaker. After all a man can dream you know, and I'm sure most of us do. Take this website for instance, it can be hard to even know if a woman is even single and even if she is, it's not like I can contact her father. Anyway that's my two cents worth.
Yes, you're right. But today you don't need to be close to communicate. Well, chat with dad via video call and text message. it's important it's healthy to talk to the girl's father
Very true, but I can't always talk to him first. For example, if there is someone on this website that I am interested in, I can't talk to her father unless she gives me his information. Obviously, that's not going to happen unless she is interested in me.
that is true
This website isn't a dating site. That's specifically NOT what this group is for.
Exactly. You are right!