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How does a man thinkith

You see life through your lens and I don't condemn that. My first marriage was to a person who was very pretty but her soul was dark. I learned that lesson. A man looks at life fundamentally different from a woman so I expect push back. Learn what a man sees. Good study is a book called "Love and Respect". Be blessed. J
 
Maddog said:
OK I admit to being relatively shallow. She must be easy on the eyes as a first requirement.
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Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder, and a degree of attraction that is higher then what friendship requires is a must for marriage. I'm sure many here remember the humorous but realistic approach of the husband in the movie The Substitute Wife. He saw no point in giving the widow false hope of marriage when she didn't "give him the tingles."
He knew as a husband he would have a duty ....that he just didn't feel he could provide for her.

My dear husband thinks both of his wives are beautiful, but a guy we all know expressed a very different opinion of my sisterwife....he even used the word repulsive as I recall.

I'd wager a fair bit that the honest opinion of everyone in our big family (and my extended family of like 75 people) would be that my sw's face is at least cute if not beautiful.....and her personality is also attractive. One of my sister in laws at first meeting her said she was totally adorable (and I agree. I can't think of anything about her I don't like.)

All that to say that compatibility between people is probably connected to attraction....or vice versa, attraction is connected to compatibility.
There is probably someone for everyone, but it would be silly to fault anyone for not being attracted to any particular someone.

My hubby feels he could love and marry a woman he didn't immediately see as pretty, if she had a good heart......but he hasn't, ummm, had an opportunity to prove that... yet. ;)

There is a line in an old song I find funny "I was born to reject rejection" because the irony is so obvious. (Send a Little Love My Way by Henry Mancini)

I heard once too that I am that I am, the name that YHWH first gave Moses could be translated I will be what I will be. I look at the tremendous diversity of qualities and personalities in the people and families of the earth, and just believe He made us each the way He wanted to.
 
Joleneakamama said:
Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder, and a degree of attraction that is higher then what friendship requires is a must for marriage. I'm sure many here remember the humorous but realistic approach of the husband in the movie The Substitute Wife. He saw no point in giving the widow false hope of marriage when she didn't "give him the tingles."
He knew as a husband he would have a duty ....that he just didn't feel he could provide for her.

My dear husband thinks both of his wives are beautiful, but a guy we all know expressed a very different opinion of my sisterwife....he even used the word repulsive as I recall.

I'd wager a fair bit that the honest opinion of everyone in our big family (and my extended family of like 75 people) would be that my sw's face is at least cute if not beautiful.....and her personality is also attractive. One of my sister in laws at first meeting her said she was totally adorable (and I agree. I can't think of anything about her I don't like.)

All that to say that compatibility between people is probably connected to attraction....or vice versa, attraction is connected to compatibility.
There is probably someone for everyone, but it would be silly to fault anyone for not being attracted to any particular someone.

My hubby feels he could love and marry a woman he didn't immediately see as pretty, if she had a good heart......but he hasn't, ummm, had an opportunity to prove that... yet. ;)

There is a line in an old song I find funny "I was born to reject rejection" because the irony is so obvious. (Send a Little Love My Way by Henry Mancini)

I heard once too that I am that I am, the name that YHWH first gave Moses could be translated I will be what I will be. I look at the tremendous diversity of qualities and personalities in the people and families of the earth, and just believe He made us each the way He wanted to.
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All true but my appetite for Baskin - Robbins "Pralines and Cream" ice cream far surpasses Rocky Road.
 
Joleneakamama said:
All that to say that compatibility between people is probably connected to attraction....or vice versa, attraction is connected to compatibility.
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Yep.

I don’t know many women who would want to get in bed with a husband who didn’t have any attraction to them. Thankfully the Lord gave us all our own individual thoughts on what we appreciate as beautiful.
 
Maddog said:
OK I admit to being relatively shallow
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StudentofHim said:
Which part of what he said are you specifically taking issue with?
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StudentofHim said:
We should all do our best to keep our comments constructive when we disagree
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@StudentofHim I am not being mean or picking a fight and it is ok if people have differing opinions. Maddog said it himself that he "is shallow". I don't have any ill will against him, his thought or beliefs. There are plenty of people i don't agree with. On this forum we have a tendency of pushing buttons sometimes and you will either grow and learn or you won't.

I posed the question " what do men look for in a woman?" I knew when i asked the question i would read things that i didn't necessarily agree with. There will always be someone who gets bent out of shape... Including myself at times. I have been around for several years. I'm a fixture that I'm not going anywhere. It is conversations that take a person out of their comfort zone and grow them. So there you go that is my reply to your question. I hope that answers your question
 
I’ll add to my earlier post. I’ve dated supermodel level women, they paled in comparison to my wife. When I got to know her (at 16 years old), she had more character and demonstrated more work ethic than ten women. She had a desire to live a simple life. She showed she wanted to be a keeper at home. She made it a point to please me.

No perfect feminine body and face can compare to what i just described.

But I’m fortunate that she’s hot too 😁
 
Now My "Shallow": It has become merely preference or appetite for a particular set of characteristics in a woman who would become a "keeper". What ever they may be they are still the "first gate" that must be accessed before a second look is allowed. Women the world over really dont understand men and volumes have tried to remedy said issue. I am a christian man with human tendencies which by the way are not evil nor ungodly. If we subscribe to the notion that the flesh and the desires are necessarily at odds with spiritual things then the Stoics of old had a point and the logical next step is to repress the feeling of the flesh. I dont subscribe to that. It has taken lot of wrestling matches with God in prayer over this "sex drive" that supposedly was unGodly. In accepting my gifting(as Apostle Paul put it) I found a freedom in first acknowledging the false bondage of my male humanity (and as a side-effect being less critical or judgemental of the world and their "gifting" of the common human condition). Second not in importance but just as a listing is the hyper-critical belief that came about by this constant struggle-"flesh versus the Spirit". Sex is not condemned in scripture except when performed outside the prescribed guard-rails. It is MAN and many religious leaders that had set up a system of values(and resultant rules) contrary to scripture (nefarious or not they did) as though their ADDITIONAL rules were somehow superior to God's revealed Word. In escaping those (man-made) rules, I have a freedom to make my preferences a legitimate test to pass before going on to the next criteria. That "ugh" sinking feeling whenever I am around said individual is not necessarily the Holy Spirit speaking prohibition to me but I have learned to pay attention (with the accompanying "don't go there jack"). The preferences would (could) be now as varied as blades of grass in the lawn, each having no "right" or conversely "wrong". Those preferences are usually the thing that puts me at odd with those who dont pass that test. Please don't condemn when there is no criteria to condemn to. If you have a large bulbous nose and I dont like large bulbous noses, WALK AWAY! I harbor no ill will and I expect neither would (or should) you. You dont like short and stocky then I am not bothered in the slightest- See Ya! The the next criteria comes into play, is it allowed(perhaps it should be first but this stream of thought typing brings up other issues)? If by all the legit rules it is allowed then permission is granted or it's a hard "NO" (she is beautiful but she belongs to somebody else). Friendship ensues and even a working relationship but I won't cheat my fellow man(read that adultery). Given that is permission then the consideration of family and health and spirit and attitude and christian denomination come into play. There are some hard "no's" and some "we can work through those". Oh yes most definitely there is the "Number two" aspect (not as in poly) in the gifting to be lead by a HUSBAND and not a peer. A contentious spirit is one of those "ugh" things. I really am not emphasizing anything sexually because the female equipment is all essentially the same (hourglass shape notwithstanding) but ugliness deteriorates the female form. Now I am sure there are many contemptible issues but perhaps those bring to light your own (a slight pause for reflection here...) issues. If you choose to mock me, I am fine with that, as I have not given anyone that level to offend me, I don't own your disrespect.
 
Maddog said:
I am a christian man with human tendencies which by the way are not evil nor ungodly. If we subscribe to the notion that the flesh and the desires are necessarily at odds with spiritual things then the Stoics of old had a point and the logical next step is to repress the feeling of the flesh. I dont subscribe to that.
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First I want to say that your response is on fire and I suspect you are still at odds with yourself, not me. You hear condemnation in the words I wrote but you didn't hear or read the words with understanding. So because this is a forum for Biblical families and that includes women i am going to share with you.
PLEASE UNDERSTAND THIS IS NOT FROM A PLACE OF JUDGEMENT RATHER A PLACE OF LOVE FOR A FELLOW BROTHER IN CHRIST!
I DO NOT HATE YOU !
Ok lets start here.... You say you are a christian with human tendencies that are not evil or ungodly. what does the scriptures say?
Matthew 26: 41 Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Galatians 5:17For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.
1John 2:16For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world

Maddog said:
In accepting my gifting(as Apostle Paul put it) I found a freedom in first acknowledging the false bondage of my male humanity (and as a side-effect being less critical or judgemental of the world and their "gifting" of the common human condition).
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Please help me understand what you are referring to with "False Bondage"
Maddog said:
Please don't condemn when there is no criteria to condemn to.
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There was no condemnation. I asked a question. Your reply began with "I am shallow" I don't know you, so if you tell me you are shallow should i not believe you. Maybe you need help? Were you asking for help? I don't know but that was your introduction to me of who you are.

If you don't remember I spoke to you after this in another thread and you mentioned you were a minister in the Baptist and AG church and i mentioned that i was raised AG. You shared with me that your wife is ill and how you were not sure you would marry again but that you were learning a deeper understanding.... If i am paraphrasing that correctly. I told you it was nice to meet you and that i looked forward to getting to know you better.
So if i was condemning you in one why would I tell you i was looking forward to getting to know you in another? Doesn't make since unless you consider that maybe you read my words with and influx dictated by your own insecurities not what I was actually saying. I really am sorry that is how anyone here would think of me.
I am a great woman with a heart to love my fellow brethren. This thread has been fun up to the point of your comment. Now we are here...
I would like for nothing less than to agree that maybe we both read each other's words out of the context in which they were written and move on.
Maddog said:
I really am not emphasizing anything sexually because the female equipment is all essentially the same (hourglass shape notwithstanding) but ugliness deteriorates the female form. Now I am sure there are many contemptible issues but perhaps those bring to light your own (a slight pause for reflection here...) issues. If you choose to mock me
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No mocking here but you are jabbing at me. But again i am going to try and understand that you are coming from a defensive place.
Maddog said:
I don't own your disrespect.
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Please show me what i said that was disrespectful?
 
NickF said:
I’ll add to my earlier post. I’ve dated supermodel level women, they paled in comparison to my wife. When I got to know her (at 16 years old), she had more character and demonstrated more work ethic than ten women. She had a desire to live a simple life. She showed she wanted to be a keeper at home. She made it a point to please me.

No perfect feminine body and face can compare to what i just described.

But I’m fortunate that she’s hot too 😁
Click to expand...

Having had the pleasure to hang out with Nick and hear him speak about his marriage and his wife, can confirm he seems very much in ernest. Good for them.
 
Patricia C said:
First I want to say that your response is on fire and I suspect you are still at odds with yourself, not me. You hear condemnation in the words I wrote but you didn't hear or read the words with understanding. So because this is a forum for Biblical families and that includes women i am going to share with you.
PLEASE UNDERSTAND THIS IS NOT FROM A PLACE OF JUDGEMENT RATHER A PLACE OF LOVE FOR A FELLOW BROTHER IN CHRIST!
I DO NOT HATE YOU !
Ok lets start here.... You say you are a christian with human tendencies that are not evil or ungodly. what does the scriptures say?
Matthew 26: 41 Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Galatians 5:17For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.
1John 2:16For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world


Please help me understand what you are referring to with "False Bondage"

There was no condemnation. I asked a question. Your reply began with "I am shallow" I don't know you, so if you tell me you are shallow should i not believe you. Maybe you need help? Were you asking for help? I don't know but that was your introduction to me of who you are.

If you don't remember I spoke to you after this in another thread and you mentioned you were a minister in the Baptist and AG church and i mentioned that i was raised AG. You shared with me that your wife is ill and how you were not sure you would marry again but that you were learning a deeper understanding.... If i am paraphrasing that correctly. I told you it was nice to meet you and that i looked forward to getting to know you better.
So if i was condemning you in one why would I tell you i was looking forward to getting to know you in another? Doesn't make since unless you consider that maybe you read my words with and influx dictated by your own insecurities not what I was actually saying. I really am sorry that is how anyone here would think of me.
I am a great woman with a heart to love my fellow brethren. This thread has been fun up to the point of your comment. Now we are here...
I would like for nothing less than to agree that maybe we both read each other's words out of the context in which they were written and move on.

No mocking here but you are jabbing at me. But again i am going to try and understand that you are coming from a defensive place.

Please show me what i said that was disrespectful?
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Just to cut through the miscommunication so we can get back to the fun, I believe what @Maddog is saying that is he believes sexual attraction is an important component of choosing a wife and that he’s not going to apologize for that belief. He sees it as a normal, healthy and ultimately Godly desire to want a wife you want to have sex with.

Like so many of us men raised in Protestantism, he was shamed for many years by people, frequently women, who wanted to use very misguided teachings about lust and sexual sin to gain moral authority over him. He is determined to never fallen underneath that control again.

He likes women. He likes good looking women. He likes good looking women with strong morals. He likes good looking women with strong morals and giant Bibles. Also a well turned ankle..:
 
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