• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

Husband = Idol ??

I think I know what you mean @windblown
I personally don’t get a super “emotional” or “romantic” feeling of closeness to God. My relationship with God has always been more logical. I am a child of God. He loves me, He sent His Son to die for me and He has saved me from my sins. He guides me through His word, but I don’t have these lovey dovey feelings. I have a relationship with Him, but I’ve always been more leary of needing to “feel” loved by Him. For me, my personal relationship with Him stems from the knowledge of His unconditional love for me and I, in return, demonstrate my love for Him by being a good wife, a loving mother, a good friend that speaks truth. I do those things because He first loved me and I want to please Him.

My husband and I were talking about this topic last night and it lead to a good 2 hour conversation of Gods goodness towards me. I’m not worthy of this love. He read me 1 John (1-3) and it simplifies it so much. I encourage you to read it a couple times. I reread it again later in the evening after our conversation. It boils down to Christ’s salvation and when He is in my heart, I love on others. That is what it is to be a Christian. Love others because He first loved us. Is it works based? No, because when He is in you, you naturally have the fruits of the spirit.

I look to my husband for my direction, and my spiritual leading, he washes me with the Word and a good part of my growth generally comes from my discussions with him about God. My relationship grows with God as I grow in understanding how to love my husband as well. Is my husband my idol? Nope. But a husband could be an idol for some people, sure. But so could a pastor or a celebrity or money. It comes down the the heart.

So, if you grow in your relationship with God through loving your husband, you are loving others just as He has instructed you to.
 
A personal relationship to me is pretty much like "Wife of His Youth" said in her post. I was raised in a Lutheran church, and it was more about "Church" than relationship. I thought my husband believed in God, because he got baptized right before we got married. Later in our relationship, he confessed to only doing that for me and that he didn't believe in God. During those years of being married to him as an atheist who laughed, mocked, and criticized me for my belief in God is where I discovered GOD not "church". For He was the only one who had my back during those tumultuous years of marriage. I knew it was wrong for me to divorce my husband, because of what it says in 1 Corinthians 7. I basically just clung to the Cross of Christ (relationship) with constant prayer and daily devotions, Bible study, etc. and, within a few years, my husband was rebaptized in a Baptist church and to this day is saved. Praise God! So I guess this taught me that no matter what, God is there during the good and bad times. I don't really need anyone else. I don't think it can get more personal than that.
 
windblown said:
Is not becoming a good wife one of the most important, if not the most important (for married women) truths of our Savior? Or maybe the difference is you say "out of a need within us"... I'm not sure what that means, but I can kinda see you're referencing a selfish, carnal need. ? Well, I have a need within me to be a good wife....because I know it's the right thing to do.
Click to expand...

@windblown I am sorry for taking so long to reply, life has been full. Yes, I was referring to a negative need in our soul. A need that didn't get met by our parents when we were younger or one that came about usually in our youth because of some hurtful event. I totally agree that striving to be a good wife is a desire deep in us given to us by our Creator, I am just saying that sometimes it becomes a "need to fill" because of something missing in our emotional foundation. It usually comes with condemnation and it seems to never be satisfied with anything we do.

I want to write more but I'm too tired and need to head to bed. I would like to say that none of what I have said may be for you and that is okay. I pray that the words of someone will point you in the right direction of what God is trying to show you. Good for you to even ask the question!
 
windblown said:
Thank you, Rainy. I do really appreciate everyone's thoughts.

Further up I said I don't know what a "relationship" with God looks like as an adult. And later I said I do not go by "feelings." So, what does "relationship" with God entail? To me, I see love demonstrated through obedience everywhere in scripture. And what's the primary directive given to wives? Submit to your husbands. That's where I'm at right now. What am I missing?
Click to expand...

@windblown , sorry it took me awhile to get back to you. Yes, you are right, you had previously mentioned that you didn't know what a relationship looked like and I spaced it. I have a hard time remembering all the posts after a span of a couple of days.

I agree with @WifeOfHisYouth about the feelings. In fact in CS Lewis' The Screwtape letters it warns us to be weary of 'feelings' because that was a tactic the demons were using in the book to manipulate people. Oh and also, @WifeOfHisYouth - you mentioned the verse about other women teaching younger women, that's one of the things that stood out to me about our Mops group, that there were no older ladies teaching, but the other way around...

I was listening to Derek Prince this weekend and he mentioned idolatry, and he said something like "Whenever you go to a source other than the True God and try to get something that you should only get from the one True God, you are actually making your own god." So I thought that was a good summary of idolatry.

For me a relationship with God is trying to acknowledging Him in all my affairs, trying to be conscience of behaving as one walking in the light, trying not to give way to my weaknesses, but rest in His mighty strength, and set aside time to learn more and more about Him. I sometimes say short prayers in my head throughout the day. While it is true that the Bible doesn't say we have to spend "x" amount of time praying, a women's prayer meeting was mentioned in the New Testament and it says to pray without ceasing. So that's how my relationship with God is looking so far. Honestly, I'm new to it too (a personal relationship) and tend to slip away from pursuing Him as I (personally think I) should.
 
Last edited:
RainyLondonFog said:
Also I want to say that if you can get a copy of the Experiencing God workbook and do it, that would probably help. It's been very helpful to me. :)
Click to expand...

Couldn’t agree more. I should also point out that the “love-relationship” this book has taught me to have isn’t about the ooey-gooey feelings-based relationship that everyone’s leery of. :)

WifeOfHisYouth said:
So, if you grow in your relationship with God through loving your husband, you are loving others just as He has instructed you to.
Click to expand...

Perfectly stated!
 
I’ve often thought about what makes a woman ‘feel’ complete? This is where I really realized how I had put my husband ‘higher’ than God in my life. I was expecting him to be my ‘soul-mate’, ‘to complete me’. What brought it to my attention is the verse col. 2:10 And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power:
He completes me, not my husband. I’m able to be fulfilled in the work and life I have with my husband in servicing HIM and him. I’m grateful for every day!
I get what @windblown is saying about feelings. We may have grown up in the same environment. There needs to be a balance. God gave us feelings, it’s okay to feel. Jesus felt -anger, sorrow, and so on....
I think feelings or lack of controlling them may be part of why women are considered the weaker vessel.
Feelings can be fed. I realized this when I thought my husband was crazy for being okay with PM. I fed anger, jealousy, bitterness... but I had to get before God with these feelings. They can TEAR DOWN OUR HOMES!!! I was angry and in sin. That’s why my go to verse is think on these things- is it true, lovely or of a good report? If not... I must stop. There has been an amazing burden that’s been lifted from my heart by checking most feelings with His Word. The joy of the LORD can be our strength.
I’m hoping I’m not giving the impression that I’m a positive person or just think your way to joy or happiness ... to me it’s a state of being. I’m being held by my creator, I’m under the shadow of the wings of the Almighty....
Dory says ‘just keep swimming” I’d encourage us all to “ just keep doing, being, seeking, serving, loving and praying “ be in a state of being in/under the shadow of the Almighty.
I must go and BE teacher, those are my thoughts today.
Oh, Experiencing God!!! @RainyLondonFog we’re going through that, it’s been a blessing.
 
I think we as women can over complicate and analyze way too much (I know I’m guilty!) We have the Holy Spirit in us, if we feel that He is showing us we need to make a change or tweak in our thinking in regards to how highly we view our spouse, be open to his leading. We are all unique with different backgrounds and different struggles (isn’t that what makes us beautiful?!)

Ask the Father to guide you, talk with your husband and be at peace with the direction He takes you!

Well loved wife said:
just keep doing, being, seeking, serving, loving and praying
Click to expand...
I love this. ❤️
 
Well loved wife said:
Dory says ‘just keep swimming” I’d encourage us all to “ just keep doing, being, seeking, serving, loving and praying “ be in a state of being in/under the shadow of the Almighty.
Click to expand...

Love this! Reminds me of one of my favorite verses, "For in Him we live and move and have our being." Acts 17:28
 
RainyLondonFog said:
Also I want to say that if you can get a copy of the Experiencing God workbook and do it, that would probably help. It's been very helpful to me. :)
Click to expand...
Rainy and anyone else who is recommending this book, care to expound a bit? Cliff notes, anyone?
Sonshine said:
the “love-relationship” this book has taught me to have isn’t about the ooey-gooey feelings-based relationship that everyone’s leery of
Click to expand...
So what is it like?
 
This is what the back of the book says @windblown , I hope that this might explain a little more of what to expect from the book.
 

Attachments

  • Screenshot_20180829-101511.png
    Screenshot_20180829-101511.png
    1.3 MB · Views: 12
This is a fantastic thread thank you all for you thoughts, ideas, scriptures, words of wisdom. You all have radiated the beauty of Yeshua.
 
Oh, my, I am loving this thread. A few thoughts, as an "aged woman" who looks at the mail with incredulity if it contains AARP membership offers or not-so-friendly reminders to register for Medicare.... Whether or not my musings are helpful remains to be seen! First, re: idolatry-- Mark Virkler's teaching on hearing the voice of God is the best I have ever heard on "generalized idolatry" that for me has been enormously helpful. Essentially what we focus on, grows, and if we have allowed something to grow so big that it blocks our view of Yeshua, (who is the only one to whom we are to be looking) we need to squish it back down enough so we can still see His gaze. It doesn't mean that other people, feelings, situations, etc are to be utterly disregarded, they just can't block our view of Him. Re: feelings-- the fact is, we were made to feel because we are made in the image of a manifestly emotional God, we are just not to let feelings become, you guessed it, an idol. I have had intensely emotional experiences with the Lord, both by myself and with other people, including my husband, and I have had plenty of opportunity to walk with Him when I was as dry as a piece of unbuttered toast. All of it works for good. Re: Experiencing God--I highly recommend this study. Steve and I did it with our church before we went on the mission field 20 years ago, and it is excellent. Re: goofed-up concepts of "successful-and-passionate Christian marriages" which cause women to go bunyap when PM comes their way-- There is ultimately nothing more exhausting for men and women alike to be on a pedestal, and that's why the Roman version of romance is guaranteed to fail. We stink at being gods and goddesses, somehow trying to be the contemporary version of Cupid and Venus. It straight up wears people out, and is dreadfully couched in manipulation. By contrast, plumbing the depths of each other and wrestling with YHWH until you are so blessed that you walk with a halt is ultimately more satisfying, intimate, and mind-blowing than anything Hollywood or Harlequin could ever concoct. Bottom line: the more you do the hard work internally of cultivating a lifestyle of worship, growing a new brain, being transformed by the renewing of your mind, and walking in God's heart for everyone from your Hubs on down, the grander life becomes.
 
alit53 said:
we can still see His gaze.
Click to expand...
alit53 said:
wrestling with YHWH until you are so blessed
Click to expand...
alit53 said:
hard work internally of cultivating a lifestyle of worship, growing a new brain, being transformed by the renewing of your mind, and walking in God's heart
Click to expand...

Ali, these are the kinds of phrases that I've heard my whole life. Almost if not all who have replied in this thread have used this type of language. I'm looking for concrete, not ethereal instructions. I'm looking for "if you love me, keep my commandments" actions that I can say....okay, I think I'm on the right track. Or maybe it's not as simple as that.... Maybe God didn't lay out concise instructions for us to either obey or not. Maybe he did leave it completely up to us to figure him out. Maybe we really do need additional authors and teachers to tell us how to experience him. I sure as heck don't know. It's a good thing that I believe my husband to be my authority because I could never figure this stuff out on my own. :p

Love y'all….
IRL, these conversations would be so much easier.... :)
 
alit53 said:
Oh, my, I am loving this thread. A few thoughts, as an "aged woman" who looks at the mail with incredulity if it contains AARP membership offers or not-so-friendly reminders to register for Medicare.... Whether or not my musings are helpful remains to be seen! First, re: idolatry-- Mark Virkler's teaching on hearing the voice of God is the best I have ever heard on "generalized idolatry" that for me has been enormously helpful. Essentially what we focus on, grows, and if we have allowed something to grow so big that it blocks our view of Yeshua, (who is the only one to whom we are to be looking) we need to squish it back down enough so we can still see His gaze. It doesn't mean that other people, feelings, situations, etc are to be utterly disregarded, they just can't block our view of Him. Re: feelings-- the fact is, we were made to feel because we are made in the image of a manifestly emotional God, we are just not to let feelings become, you guessed it, an idol. I have had intensely emotional experiences with the Lord, both by myself and with other people, including my husband, and I have had plenty of opportunity to walk with Him when I was as dry as a piece of unbuttered toast. All of it works for good. Re: Experiencing God--I highly recommend this study. Steve and I did it with our church before we went on the mission field 20 years ago, and it is excellent. Re: goofed-up concepts of "successful-and-passionate Christian marriages" which cause women to go bunyap when PM comes their way-- There is ultimately nothing more exhausting for men and women alike to be on a pedestal, and that's why the Roman version of romance is guaranteed to fail. We stink at being gods and goddesses, somehow trying to be the contemporary version of Cupid and Venus. It straight up wears people out, and is dreadfully couched in manipulation. By contrast, plumbing the depths of each other and wrestling with YHWH until you are so blessed that you walk with a halt is ultimately more satisfying, intimate, and mind-blowing than anything Hollywood or Harlequin could ever concoct. Bottom line: the more you do the hard work internally of cultivating a lifestyle of worship, growing a new brain, being transformed by the renewing of your mind, and walking in God's heart for everyone from your Hubs on down, the grander life becomes.
Click to expand...
I love what you have said Ali. But, those steps you so desire to take and let go of fear and feelings is the hardest in my life. Everyday, more times than I can count, I pray to let fear and feelings go, but everyday there is a new scab that you thought was healing being picked at again. It is very easy to put our husband on that idol pedestal when God says we are to follow him. I have been there. He is my flesh to touch and know God speaks to and through him. But, he is human and can make mistakes. If the wife feels included within the discussions of decisions being thought upon, we as wives can feel we are his helpmates. Therefore I can take him off the idol podium and place him in reality....My covering.
 
windblown said:
Or maybe it's not as simple as that.... Maybe God didn't lay out concise instructions for us to either obey or not. Maybe he did leave it completely up to us to figure him out. Maybe we really do need additional authors and teachers to tell us how to experience him.
Click to expand...

I don't think it will be simple - especially if you don't want to glean from outside sources. I know you asked for cliff notes of Experiencing God, but I just couldn't do it. There can be no cliff notes for what will be a personal relationship blossoming. Each day is a new lesson where the author shares stories of encouragement and shares what he has learned from the Bible. There is too much there for me to even try to condense down into a reply for you. As a mom of little ones, I think you'll understand that. :) I think you absolutely can experience God without the workbook and with the Bible alone but you would have to be bound and determined to plow your own road, instead of accepting the advice of others that there's a pretty good already cut road over there.

I feel like I can hear frustration in your message, that you deeply want something that feels a little out of reach. I want to encourage you that it's not. The Lord desires relationships that are satisfying with all His kids. Whether you use the workbook or just the Bible it will take a lot of determination and it will be challenging, but oh so rewarding.
 
RainyLondonFog said:
I don't think it will be simple - especially if you don't want to glean from outside sources.
Click to expand...
Two thoughts:
See, this doesn't sound like a Good and Just Father to me. What kind of father would expect his children to obey him without first clearly laying down the law for them?

I am most definitely gleaning from an outside source. My husband. (Which actually is biblical- 1 Cor. 14:35 ;))
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top