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Online dating…pointless??

Amanda

Amanda

New Member
Female
So I’m on multiple dating sites & I’m starting to think it’s pointless. Some of the questions I’ve been asked are absolutely disgusting. These guys are looking for some crazy stuff. I’m interested in a real long term relationship. Come on people get off the crazy train. Are there any normal people looking into polygyny?? I’m starting to think not.
 
I don't think they are pointless. I think any activity that leads one to truly entertain the reality of plural relationship is meaningful. I am of the mind that if you truly want to understand polygamy you have to put yourself out there. Experience relationships even if they fail. Plural marriage is a calling and it redefines who you are, God did this for a reason.

Now, that doesn't mean to be careless, but just don't settle and don't give up. Some of us have been looking for this type relationship for a very very long time.

Edit: we have met many single women on dating sites. True the quality of them have been questionable, but still the ones we have met have helped us redefine what we are looking for. There is always hope.
 
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Nearly pointless. Dating sites are full of bad actors, and bots, and the site owners hate banning them, because they make it look more active, which then brings in the money. But there are probably a few serious people on each site. It is like finding a needle in a haystack. I personally decided it to be not worth my time. The minority who are seriously looking for a good relationship, are not looking for men who are already married. So it is even more pointless for me than for you. But as a single female, there is a needle in a haystack chance if you are patient.
 
I am tempted to say that they are futile because of the fact that I am not on any of them.

But I won’t say that because it might make me sound arrogant.
 
Not pointless… just full of crap to sift through.
I met my second and third wives both on dating sites. Neither gal necessarily had “polygyny” in mind. But after some wooing and brainwashing (or un-brainwashing) I claimed them and took them and have them. :)
 
Amanda said:
So I’m on multiple dating sites & I’m starting to think it’s pointless. Some of the questions I’ve been asked are absolutely disgusting. These guys are looking for some crazy stuff. I’m interested in a real long term relationship. Come on people get off the crazy train. Are there any normal people looking into polygyny?? I’m starting to think not.
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I would have to say that yes you will be asked some crazy stuff on dating apps. Don’t give up on dating site and app just yet. My husband and I Met on a dating app. If that is where you are to met your Future Husband then it will happen for you. I would stay away from some of the dating apps and look in to more of the Christian dating apps. You will still get some of the same questions and stuff there too but more likely to find the one God has planned for you. Good luck and I hope that you find the Husband God has planned for you. If you have questions and need someone to talk to I am here. Just message me.
 
rustywest4 said:
Not pointless… just full of crap to sift through.
I met my second and third wives both on dating sites. Neither gal necessarily had “polygyny” in mind. But after some wooing and brainwashing (or un-brainwashing) I claimed them and took them and have them. :)
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It was not the wooing and brainwashing that got me lol. It was your wife and now my sister wife Tiffany and of course your eyes. But the big one was it was Gods plan and with it being His plan you just can’t Resist. Love you Babbo
 
Amanda said:
So I’m on multiple dating sites & I’m starting to think it’s pointless. Some of the questions I’ve been asked are absolutely disgusting. These guys are looking for some crazy stuff. I’m interested in a real long term relationship. Come on people get off the crazy train. Are there any normal people looking into polygyny?? I’m starting to think not.
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I probably don't have much useful advice for you on that subject. I have no experience with online dating. My wife and I met in college way back in 1994.
While I am hypothetically open to the thought of taking a second wife, my wife currently is not willing, so it isn't an issue for me.

My sister met her husband through eHarmony a couple years ago. He is a good Christian man, and they seem to be a good match. This was a second marriage for both of them, my sister being widowed and my brother in law divorced.

Looking for a polygynous relationship online would be difficult I think.
 
rustywest4 said:
Not pointless… just full of crap to sift through.
I met my second and third wives both on dating sites. Neither gal necessarily had “polygyny” in mind. But after some wooing and brainwashing (or un-brainwashing) I claimed them and took them and have them. :)
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Was it a Christian site? And if so, did you have to identify as single?
 
Amanda said:
So I’m on multiple dating sites & I’m starting to think it’s pointless. Some of the questions I’ve been asked are absolutely disgusting. These guys are looking for some crazy stuff. I’m interested in a real long term relationship. Come on people get off the crazy train. Are there any normal people looking into polygyny?? I’m starting to think not.
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I met my wives in two totally different circumstances; one in a Bible study and the other on a Christian forum. This world is full of men and women who are sinners so, wherever you encounter people you are encountering sinners; sinners just like yourself, with all the weird ideas mingled with religious beliefs that span the human intellect. Personally, I don't know if there is one place better than another to meet a prospective partner(s) except that, if you want to meet people with a foundation in the Bible, then Christian dating sites, forums, Bible study groups, assemblies, and social groups will probably be better than strip bars or witches covens. But saying that, we know Salmon's wife was Rahab and Boaz's wife was Ruth; both women from less than "ideal" backgrounds yet God brought them to godly men and into the family lineage from which came the Messiah. Since a prudent wife is from the Lord, the prudent woman He gives you will be His blessing - no matter where He brings her from. Keep your eyes open for that person God brings you into contact with and who knows where it will go. :)
 
I have very mixed feelings about this. I'm currently on sisterwives and a dating site Zoosk, where I openly identify myself as already in a permanent relationship looking for another partner. For years I was on OK Cupid and also had profiles on POF and Ashley Madison, all openly identified as married. I have made some great friends through those venues, received a lot of interest, some of it very serious. I've even met some women and brought one to a Biblical Families conference. But overall it does seem like a generally unfruitful use of my time. However, if you're interested, Amanda, I'm currently journaling my participation at Zoosk and sisterwives at my Biblical Families thread, Intro III: My Former Online Dating Profile at https://biblicalfamilies.org/forum/threads/intro-iii-my-former-online-dating-profile.15296/

It's certainly not exactly encouraging, but it has been meant from the start to be a window into the process. Perhaps others can not only provide examples of who they've found who ended up being partners but how many and what kind of women and men they had to reach out to before finding someone (or never finding anyone).
 
Amanda said:
So I’m on multiple dating sites & I’m starting to think it’s pointless. Some of the questions I’ve been asked are absolutely disgusting. These guys are looking for some crazy stuff. I’m interested in a real long term relationship. Come on people get off the crazy train. Are there any normal people looking into polygyny?? I’m starting to think not.
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I’ve found 1 potential family, which are great people, out of all the time I’ve been on the sites. The rest were just out of my “normal”. Whatever normal means. I guess I’ve just gotten discouraged, maybe it’s time to take a step back for a little while & regroup.
 
Amanda said:
I’ve found 1 potential family, which are great people, out of all the time I’ve been on the sites. The rest were just out of my “normal”. Whatever normal means. I guess I’ve just gotten discouraged, maybe it’s time to take a step back for a little while & regroup.
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When I was searching for a possible family it was like trial and error to figure out where the best place to look was. On some sites all I got were pictures of men's private parts...and these men thought this was going to attract someone. Ugh.

Then I found a poly site that was mostly into pagan poly but there were a few Christian couples and families on there. I visited with two couples and one of them was actually really nice but I still didn't feel comfortable. Then I met my family and here I am twelve years later.

I agree with the regrouping thing. Do this for yourself and get your heart straight.

Then I'd say to give it another try. But if it helps I'd concentrate on families/couples where the first person you talk to is the wife and not the man. If the wife is supporting this and you can connect with her then the majority of the big problems in poly you should avoid like jealousy, jealousy, and jealousy.

:D
 
It is a crapshoot with dating sites, especially if you are looking to become a sister wife. People seem to have so many variations on what polygyny means, especially on a family dynamic level, but also spiritually (if there is any) and expectations. I have talked to... A LOT of men on Sisterwives or Polygamy.com and there are extremes, religiously or not. It is about what you are looking for and... Yes, men more times, at least from my time searching, love to get down to the physical side with pictures and such and... It can get disgusting of what THEY expect. There are a lot of men that think they are "alpha" types but go to extremes into the dom/sub categories with everything.
 
USDutchkitty said:
It is a crapshoot with dating sites,
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I would agree; the same with anywhere you go to meet people. We're all different and have a wide range of convictions about every area of life. But that's what keeps life interesting. We just have to find people we can be committed to walking this journey together with.
 
frederick said:
I would agree; the same with anywhere you go to meet people. We're all different and have a wide range of convictions about every area of life. But that's what keeps life interesting. We just have to find people we can be committed to walking this journey together with.
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Oh I know, it is frightening, especially in these times. Didn't help with what happened in Missouri. I am scared to look like a fool again by being open, being me, and thinking everything is fine and... get ghosted.
 
USDutchkitty said:
Oh I know, it is frightening, especially in these times. Didn't help with what happened in Missouri. I am scared to look like a fool again by being open, being me, and thinking everything is fine and... get ghosted.
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Ok...I don't stay up on the news, so if someone would shed some light on the "Missouri incident"?
 
Robhar said:
Ok...I don't stay up on the news, so if someone would shed some light on the "Missouri incident"?
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Oh, nothing connected with the recent meet-up if that is what it sounds like! LOL Sorry! I had been courted by a couple in Missouri last year, talking back and forth during the lockdown, and when I had a chance to meet them, they paid to fly me out to visit, and such. It was just... The wife got cold feet but wasn't honest enough to tell me and lead me on about possibly joining the family so when I left, I got ghosted. It is a lot to get into but... Yeah, it has made me gunshy at times, especially with thinking that I did something wrong and why the wife didn't want me there.

I get more upset by the lack of honesty than anything.
 
USDutchkitty said:
Oh I know, it is frightening, especially in these times. Didn't help with what happened in Missouri. I am scared to look like a fool again by being open, being me, and thinking everything is fine and... get ghosted.
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Just so you know not everyone in Missouri is weird.
 
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