There’s no difference between the two. They flow together. Or at least flow in to each other.
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Online dating…pointless??
- Thread starter Amanda
- Start date
Men get excited by what's just out of view. In a tropical society where the women are topless but wear long skirts for modesty, ankles are the interesting feature, breasts are just normal.
That's the whole point of skimpy underwear anyway. Why would a woman wear the stuff otherwise? It looks uncomfortable and will only be seen for a very brief window between removing the outer layers and getting completely naked, which is the clear intent if she's stripping down to her underwear, so it's a lot of money for a tiny window of viewing time. The only purpose it has is that in that brief window it psychologically makes the bits it covers seem more enticing. Men will obviously differ in their opinion on whether that brief window is worth the expense if they're paying for it...
Not to virtue signal -- and maybe this has to do with having made so many bad choices as a young man -- but I find that I don't have to do a lot of regulating which women I long for. The rings do help, and I look for them, but I think I have some kind of radar for whether or not a woman is taken versus being on the prowl. I'm rarely even drawn at all to women who are taken. There are exceptions, but they have always been rare, and almost all of them have certainly known that they were exceptions, but also for the most part I've since a very young age entirely respected that line in the sand. I mentioned an experience in the Intro III thread about a woman I met who was currently dating a Marine twice her age. My attraction to her was so strong that I told her I wanted to know if he ever had the bad sense to dump her, but I bent over backwards to avoid doing anything other than giving her contact information that could be interpreted as me attempting to take her away from him. I see all men as my brothers in that regard, and I believe the Golden Rule applies: I wouldn't want anyone attempting to steal away (which qualifies as coveting) my woman, so I'm not about to do so to anyone else.
Anyway, that was an example of the rareness of that kind of experience for me. I think my fellow Biblical Families' men's wives are fair game for me to admire, even to the extent of mental undressing, but it just almost never happens. As those who've been around for a while know, I have a very active imagination, and it finds inspiration everywhere I travel, but I consider myself fortunate that my imagination just almost never runs toward fantasizing being with already-spoken-for women. In another thread just earlier this afternoon, I provided a definition of open marriage; my familiarity with it isn't just professional -- my first wife and I, at her insistence, practiced open marriage, but it was a horrible proposition for me. She slept with anyone who gave her a line of cocaine, whereas I think I availed myself of the freedom I had only 2 or 3 times in 8 years. In Nacogdoches, everyone we knew was sleeping with everyone else, so it was nearly impossible to find someone who wasn't attached. I also watched one marriage after another crash and burn. I know there are some people who make it work, but I'm just as certain that such successes are few and far between.
Sometimes, once a man has seen what's under that top he may wish he hadn't looked however, while the tops still in place there is that element of wonder/interest. Summer is a great time and beaches are an excellent place for having less to wonder about. It leaves one's mind free to think on other things.
I enjoyed reading this thread; thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts.
Reading through the thread is acting a bit like confirmation bias for me.
I figure that it is time to look at if there is any potential out there for finding that woman who would be a match for us and looney enough to fall for me as well. Being away from the search/open market etc for several years had kind of blunted the image in my mind of how deeply discouraging the process is apparently.
I had intended to post in the singles area as a question for the ladies about what they can tell me about the mindset of the women on these sites. I really get the vibe that these women are not actually looking for plural marriage or any marriage frankly. Essentially empty profiles save for remarks like "I am an open book just ask" or "I am terrible at talking about myself lol". Really? This works? And while I have messaged a few women... politely and in a friendly fashion, for the most part they simply don't reply.
I suppose I get it in that they have a perceived high market value because they are female. Based on what I have read about the men and couples also, they seem to be all treating the search as if it is regular dating or hookup culture sexual marketplace interaction. That just isn't how I see the market value thing though...maybe that is part of my problem.
Is it crazy to think that the family being honest about their desire to be in a plural capital M Marriage...both husband and wife... and being at least decent people who are what they claim in a profile is as high market value wise as the single woman seeking her new family and husband?
This is part of why I simply don't believe most of those women are serious about a desire to be a part of pluralmarriage. This is a time where casual sexual intercourse to all indications is fairly easy to come by but where long term commitment to marriage, family and children is getting all the more thin on the ground.
I get why a woman would break off contact with a guy or couple who is acting weird or focusing on sex just like I have done the same when women were clearly not acting in good faith.
I suppose I may have just used the phrase that solidifies in my minds eye what I am thinking. I don't know that there is a particularly high percentage of single women and for that matter couples on the polygamy dating sites who are acting in good faith. Yeah...that probably sums it up.
The big question though is how to navigate the process without becoming too black pilled by the process? Wheat from chaff sort of thing...
Not that obstacles should stop one mind you, just venting a bit.
Having lived plural marriage and having become a father in the last few years I can not imagine not trying to go forward with the effort to find another wife to love or to have more children.
I figure that it is time to look at if there is any potential out there for finding that woman who would be a match for us and looney enough to fall for me as well. Being away from the search/open market etc for several years had kind of blunted the image in my mind of how deeply discouraging the process is apparently.
I had intended to post in the singles area as a question for the ladies about what they can tell me about the mindset of the women on these sites. I really get the vibe that these women are not actually looking for plural marriage or any marriage frankly. Essentially empty profiles save for remarks like "I am an open book just ask" or "I am terrible at talking about myself lol". Really? This works? And while I have messaged a few women... politely and in a friendly fashion, for the most part they simply don't reply.
I suppose I get it in that they have a perceived high market value because they are female. Based on what I have read about the men and couples also, they seem to be all treating the search as if it is regular dating or hookup culture sexual marketplace interaction. That just isn't how I see the market value thing though...maybe that is part of my problem.
Is it crazy to think that the family being honest about their desire to be in a plural capital M Marriage...both husband and wife... and being at least decent people who are what they claim in a profile is as high market value wise as the single woman seeking her new family and husband?
This is part of why I simply don't believe most of those women are serious about a desire to be a part of pluralmarriage. This is a time where casual sexual intercourse to all indications is fairly easy to come by but where long term commitment to marriage, family and children is getting all the more thin on the ground.
I get why a woman would break off contact with a guy or couple who is acting weird or focusing on sex just like I have done the same when women were clearly not acting in good faith.
I suppose I may have just used the phrase that solidifies in my minds eye what I am thinking. I don't know that there is a particularly high percentage of single women and for that matter couples on the polygamy dating sites who are acting in good faith. Yeah...that probably sums it up.
The big question though is how to navigate the process without becoming too black pilled by the process? Wheat from chaff sort of thing...
Not that obstacles should stop one mind you, just venting a bit.
Having lived plural marriage and having become a father in the last few years I can not imagine not trying to go forward with the effort to find another wife to love or to have more children.
I can't disagree with that. When they are, they're looking for Mr. Impossible, who is already married to someone with 10 times their value in the marketplace of women. And when they're not looking for marriage, the reasons are plentiful, so it's difficult to sort through them. You've mentioned some of the clues, but then it's still hard to know if, "I am terrible at talking about myself lol" is code for "I'm just here to find kinky sex partners," or, "I'm just too damned lazy to write anything," or, "I'm looking to scam you out of cash or steal your identity."
Perceived is the key word here: on regular dating sites, the women far outnumber the men, just like they do in the real world; on the polygamy sites, instead of the women being the largest category, the polyamorous (swinging) couples outnumber everyone else combined, with single males coming second, which would put any sincere woman looking to be a second wife in the catbird's seat.
It's not crazy, nor is it inaccurate, but it's naive to believe that the people populating the clientele of the dating sites will recognize that you're high value. Not to beat a dead horse, but feminism has so fully infiltrated even many of the most vigilant among us who claim not to be feminist that, to the average person, polygamists seeking additional wives just come across as desperate losers. Misfits. The unpopular. When it comes down to it, too, most of the single women who are available are women who have divorced their previous husbands for insufficient reasons. They're motivation was to trade UP, and trading into a 2nd-wife position is culturally most definitely a trading-down proposition. We may know that is not the case, but even if we could take full charge of the public education system in America and promote what we know about Biblical polygamy every day of the week at all grade levels, it would probably take 30 or 40 years to convince the majority of people that it's even acceptable. Enlightenment isn't going to do the trick. People are going to have to actually see that people are doing it and that it can really work well -- and, for a variety of reasons, almost all polygamists are operating in hiding, some out of realistic fears, but most out of an unwillingness to take on any social stigma. Seeking popularity is a very strong human motivator.
Agreed.
I've written this before, but maybe it bears repeating for potential new readers: I started out on Ashley Madison, and perhaps the closest I came to finding a partner was from that site. Almost everyone was friendly, and they didn't get bent out of shape because I wasn't seeking an affair; instead I got a lot of interest, because many of them were seeking affairs only because they were frustrated with trying to find a permanent partner. From there I moved on to Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid. Lots and lots of interaction over many years, and there were potentials, but I eventually decided I had to get away from it. Recently, I have been doing 'field research' by having a profile on Zoosk and posting the play-by-play of much of it here in my Intro III thread. Personally, I'm probably now always consider it to be an invaluable exercise -- because I've found my most recent ex-wife (from 36 years ago) -- and I've always been able to maintain a nonchalant attitude about it, because my expectations going in were quite low, but it hasn't changed my mind about whether or not it's generally a worthwhile endeavor.
Generally speaking, it's just not. Not that sparks don't sometimes fly from online dating, but of all of the very many plural families I know, very few met anonymously. Almost all of them met each other during the normal course of their lives, and the vast majority didn't meet each other in the context of seeking a wife. Other very real life relationships turned into romantic ones. It's just like blind dates. They strike gold just often enough to remain in the positive mythological category, but mostly they fall flat. Add online to that, and now you're dealing with the majority being people who are conducting some type of grift.
But, even without tangible success, there is one possible other benefit to being involved on an online dating site: it keeps one's juices flowing in the direction of fantasizing about possibilities. Women do show interest, albeit almost always because they haven't really read one's profile. But, hey, I now have 48 fake flower arrangements that have been gifted to me -- and the senders had to pay real money to have those fake arrangements delivered my way (the fake aroma is out of this world!). Again, though, almost every time I've reached out to such senders to thank them, I get informed that, "I sent you that before I found out you were already married . . ."
I have thought about this some more, and I have decided that I am ok with pictures of the sole of my foot. So if anyone wants one please send me a PM.
sisterwives.com is a sight I have been on but I have not gotten a bite once in a while I get a hello or a view on that site my handle is polymanforyou just not sure what site is better then the other
just give it to god and hop for best i guess its all you can do
just give it to god and hop for best i guess its all you can do
I personally have a hard time imagining getting in to any relationship ["any" includes friendship] with a person I have only met online, so I appreciate what you said here. The few times I have made friends online that I've met in person, they all have said I am "different" in person ... not what they expected [sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse]. Regardless of how real a person is being, written word still leaves a lot to the imagination of the person reading it.
Online can be a stepping stone ... I guess I kind of see it [especially a place like this] as a safe place to learn more, but not a place to actually really know someone, and especially not a place to make life-changing decisions.
I have found the internet is a good place to find someone but not to get to know them. I met my wife of twenty years online, the trick is to meet in person fast. We met within twenty four hours and have been together from almost the start. Now video chat is available to aid in getting to know someone at first but again the key is to meet in person very soon, before you fall in love with an imaginary image of the person. I have met several ladies online and have driven 18 hour round trips month after month to get to know one and have flown another out several times too. They did not work out but have no regrets. My life is centered around our ranch and have been working from home for almost two years so I have little contact with new people outside of internet searches. Everyone be blessed in your search for what Yah has in store for you and your family.
I am old school. Back in the old days before the Internet we had modems and dial up bulletin boards which were mostly local. So people would dial into these things and exchange forum messages and private e-mails. Before long someone would suggest that we have a local party and meet up in person, and invariably when you finally met the person in real life they were almost always very different than you expected them to be.
So good advice here about never assuming anything until you meet in person, and even when you meet in person it takes a number of meetings before you even begin to really know someone. The horror and catfish stories abound! I am not saying don't do it. I am just saying be careful. It is a jungle out there.
Only communicating in writing has a lot of limitations but with online video there is opportunity for better interaction with people; you see the facial expressions, hear the tone of voice and are able to more accurately gauge the responses. Keeping the focus on God's Word will definitely help guide you and any potential partner in the right direction, and that's the case whether you are chatting online or face to face. Since any prudent wife is going to be from God (Proverbs 19:14), it's logical to have your lives grounded in Him. Shalom
Dont forget courtship and getting to know your partners I understand sex is important but weather you meet them online or in person you need to take walks go to coffee do kid things go on mini dates because sex will
be less and you need to have a good relation ship for when honeymoon phase is over she needs to build you up and you need to build her up never never never be negative in actions or thought focus on Jesus and include him in the bedroom
he is the author of Love and he designed us and have Fun
be less and you need to have a good relation ship for when honeymoon phase is over she needs to build you up and you need to build her up never never never be negative in actions or thought focus on Jesus and include him in the bedroom
he is the author of Love and he designed us and have Fun
Karin and I met on the phone, built a relationship, and Yah showed us that we belonged together. Our only “date” (and when we saw each other for the first time) was when I picked her up in a uhaul and brought her home.
We had some splendid dates on our honeymoon a few months later.
It can be done, but making it work without Yah’s help isn’t easy, if it is even possible.
We had some splendid dates on our honeymoon a few months later.
It can be done, but making it work without Yah’s help isn’t easy, if it is even possible.
If u still looking my family follows the torha
Reality360
New Member
There are a lot of normal men. My husband is very normal. The women we meet don’t have it in them to homestead or live off-grid or have been married and divorced more than they have changed their underwear.
Reality360
New Member
Amen!!!
Hallelujah for you and Karin. May Yah bless you to have many beautiful years together.
Reality360
New Member
It is great except this year right now in July, I’m melting!!!