It's only over if you are unwilling to take her back.
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Support Second wife left… asking me to be alone in her « time »
- Thread starter ChoosingGod
- Start date
This woman has left you. Treat her like it.
He supplied for her in his house, as far as we know.
Even if he set her up in her own residence somewhere else, that wouldn’t provide justification for a woman to expect that. Remember that her father had given her to a different husband while David was running around in the wilderness trying to avoid being killed by her dad. She had been through more than we may realize.
On my part, I just can’t have her back in the house because of the violence my kids were submitted to (because of her, but she’ll say it’s our fault). Social services came and said that if sw comes back, they will have to assess giving the children another home. Yeah, that much…
I still love her. Want her but it’s just plain impossible right now.
If she was ready to see a professional for her mental state and lack of control, that would change things, but she doesn’t want to. That was the breaking point 2 weeks ago after many many crisis.
But tonight, with her ex, she messaged me that she will come get her stuff out with him in the coming days… she was very authoritative. I put things straight.
I say to you, at this point, nothing I can say will be well received. She doubts my every intentions, and I KNOW it’s her mental state that induces that, but I just can’t do a thing.
When I said that I moved some of her stuff that was in some places back in her room, she said « i knew it you wanted me out ». It’s always like that, sending contradictory signals. It’s draining and honestly, I am sick of it.
When she say something, I believe her. She says I leave. I believe her.
When she departed last week, I asked the keys back because my children were afraid of her coming back anytime unannounced and because of the social services. She reproached it to me.
When I visited last week, she pummelled me emotively for 10 hours. When later I was outside talking to my fw about what I was going to do; return, sleep in the car… she arrived and cried that I do not talk to her, that I always prefers my fw, which is false. I always informed her too.
Please all, pray for her for me and my family.
Honestly, it sounds to me that this woman is a child throwing a tantrum who does not want to be married at all. She wouldn't even be happy with a man with no other wives, she has serious mental issues that will prevent her from being able to be in a committed relationship with anyone.
Since she has made the decisions she has, you need to protect your 1st wife and children.
I highly doubt she wants to do the work required to be in a place to be able to be married, and this is unfortunately a loss. I am sorry.
When you're ready, it would be good to have a think about your part in how this all went wrong, what the warning signs were, and how you could do things differently next time, before even thinking about pursuing anyone else. This self reflection, and implementing what you learn from it, are going to be invaluable in the future, not only for another relationship, but also for the current marriage you have with your first wife.
Since she has made the decisions she has, you need to protect your 1st wife and children.
I highly doubt she wants to do the work required to be in a place to be able to be married, and this is unfortunately a loss. I am sorry.
When you're ready, it would be good to have a think about your part in how this all went wrong, what the warning signs were, and how you could do things differently next time, before even thinking about pursuing anyone else. This self reflection, and implementing what you learn from it, are going to be invaluable in the future, not only for another relationship, but also for the current marriage you have with your first wife.
What you have here is a prime example of Act in haste, repent at leisure.
I would probably drop to my knees and thank Yah that you have as few scars as you do from this debacle.
I think that she has made the best decision for all of you. Embrace it and learn from the experience.
I would probably drop to my knees and thank Yah that you have as few scars as you do from this debacle.
I think that she has made the best decision for all of you. Embrace it and learn from the experience.
Thank you… but I do not think at my age, that God will supply another, and virgin that is, aIso… I don’t seek another wife in fact… this whole experience discouraged me and frustrated me. I am glad that it worked for a lot of you, but it didn’t worked out for me. I still understands that pm isn’t a sin, but I still don’t know why God gave me such strong signals and answers, only to put me into that much ordeal.
Only thing I can say…
The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.
You gave her the chance to walk the walk with you and your family. Maybe some time down the road Yah can use her experience with you to be the seed that was planted in bringing her to repentance.
He might have been giving that woman a chance. He might have led to take her as an opportunity for her that she subsequently squandered. Good on you for being obedient. And good on you for getting out. Cut the harridan off.
She is accountable for her decisions, just like Judah and Israel are for rejecting their Husband. As @FollowingHim2 has said, ...
This appears to be your intention.
Keep in mind that you have responsibilities to focus on, and her having abandoned you is not your primary concern now.
As to God supplying.... there are always lessons to be learned from both the victories and tragedies in life. Don't place restrictions on allowing God to accomplish His will in your life or another person. She may have been His means to teach you some important lessons for your future(?)
I'll leave my final words to @FollowingHim2.
Shalom
I can't help suspecting that this woman may never have been your wife, and the entire relationship may be better characterised as you committing adultery against whoever this "ex" is. I'm not accusing you of that, I don't know the details. But if you think about it carefully, you may find that this is the case. If so, that would certainly explain why it's been a complete disaster. Nothing else could be expected.
To put it more simply, she may be just a promiscuous woman with a messy life, and you jumped in as her latest man to be used briefly and then discarded to go back to a previous one or on to the next. In your case you phrased it in religious terms and called it "marriage", but in practical terms it may have been just another fling for her. She may not have realised that at the time, she may have genuinely thought this time it was going to be forever - but she may have also thought that about any previous relationships also.
Move on, repent for whatever sin you may have committed in this situation (if that is the case), and be careful never to make such a mistake again. Better to have one wife and a peaceful home than try to pursue polygamy and end up in this sort of disaster.
This is why I believe it’s very important for a man to vet a woman’s past and think long and hard about marrying a woman with a promiscuous past.
She may very well be married. Did she make a marriage like promise to other men? Even unintentionally? Most women would say something like I’m yours forever, or I commit to you forever, even if they did not consider it to be a marriage commitment.
Are you prepared to have her get a written divorce from her “ex” to cover yourself so you’re not committing adultery?
Is the promiscuous behavior recent? It would be advised to stay away from her. Did it happen before or after her accepting Christ? This is an important factor. If it happened after becoming saved, why didn’t her behavior change? Is she truly repentant of this wickedness, or is it just something that she casually did in her past, with no real thought of the consequences of her actions?
These things must be considered by a man prior to rushing a woman in, unless you want problems.
She can be forgiven of her sin and be wife material. She may make a great wife. A man should consider these things before offering marriage.
It seems to me that much has been said about force here. I don't think force has any place in a marriage. And yes, my one marriage was without force, except that I was forced to abstain. But I cannot conceive of ever forcing or having to force a woman to have sexual relations with me. Nor do I think it should ever be the place of a man to do so. The answer to any man (yes, myself included) is to find an additional wife if the current wife/wives are unwilling to do so. For me that has been hard to do but I will never force a woman nor should any man.
I have still not come to peace in my mind yet as to whether a man can (According to the Word) marry a woman who has had another man (yes, it is a one flesh thing). I do believe a God of Mercy and Grace would not leave a poor divorced woman or abused woman to live life without a man because of the fact she has been divorced. But I haven't found peace of mind about this because I've not found the Scriptures that allow for it. I hope I am blind. Help me out here. But NOT by common sense, or reason. But, by using the Word of God.
Never. Only strange thing is how did you came to such conclusion.
Looks like someone with cluster B. C'mon people, if it gets emotionally expecting, drama till heaven and love, can't leave it's almost always cluster B.
She is probably mentally crazy. If she isn't willing to receive help, well, it won't get emotionally easier staying in contact. Then only option is protecting yourself.
https://biblicalfamilies.org/forum/threads/tranche-de-vie.17210/
This gives some background to their story
This gives some background to their story
Yes, a biblically divorced woman can re-marry, and become another man’s wife.
Deuteronomy 24:1-2 KJV - When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.
2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.
Years ago, I learned when in doubt - ASK. I cannot believe the number of times I have read right through that passage and not seen that. Twice this year I know for I am well on my way towards completing my reading through the whole Bible the 2nd Time this year. Today I was in Nehemiah. But that question has plagued me and I HAVE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE. Wow! I can't believe I missed that time and again. I remembered the part about the bill of divorcement and also about a man using a woman and being made to pay the woman's price even if the father didn't allow him to marry - but the easy part is the part you just answered, and I had missed it completely. Are there any other verses that say the same thing? Not that another Scripture is needed for "ALL SCRIPTURE (that includes ANY) IS GIVEN BY INSPIRATION OF GOD AND IS PROFITABLE..." Again, thank you so very much.
I have spent the last almost 2 hours praising God for you NBTX11. You have so relieved my mind and shown me why I have no wives. Because I was fearful of doing wrong, I have never sought out any woman that was either never married, or a widow. Divorcees are so much more in number, and I have had many opportunities to get to know and bring into my home divorcees. But my eyes were always blinded, by what? Sin? I don't think so - I think more likely it was in God's timing. Though I am an old man, fortunately I can still please a woman, but all old men cannot. Now, because of the simple Scripture which you so easily put before me I now have that freedom. The big question now is - who will even look at me now that I am old? Oh well, it will be interesting to see. Thank you again for making this so clear while it has been a muddy issue for me for almost 50 years.
@PastorLarry, the entire purpose of divorce is to free a woman so she can remarry. It's so she has a piece of paper that says "I'm available". What other purpose can a bill of divorcement serve? That is the sole reason for it to exist.
As you know from the many verses speaking against divorce, a man should not divorce his wife in almost all circumstances, and a man who divorces her can be sinning by doing so. But that does not change the fact that if he does it, she is divorced and free. He may have to answer to God for divorcing her unjustly, but she's still divorced, and therefore free to remarry.
As you know from the many verses speaking against divorce, a man should not divorce his wife in almost all circumstances, and a man who divorces her can be sinning by doing so. But that does not change the fact that if he does it, she is divorced and free. He may have to answer to God for divorcing her unjustly, but she's still divorced, and therefore free to remarry.