• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

Support Second wife left… asking me to be alone in her « time »

PastorLarry said:
Though I am an old man, fortunately I can still please a woman, but all old men cannot. Now, because of the simple Scripture which you so easily put before me I now have that freedom. The big question now is - who will even look at me now that I am old?
Click to expand...
We have a neighbor who is married with children. His grandfather is in his 90's but is spry and a go getter. After his wife passed away he has purued other women. I don't know him well enough to know how many he has caught, but he usually has someone who is very happy to spend time with him.
Most men don't understand polygyny is moral....and their ladies wouldn't understand even if the men were willing.
My husband likes children and is looking forward to the birth of his 11th child. He feared he was too old to be of interest to a women willing to have children....but happily my sisterwife is here and feels blessed by being here.
 
Yes, of course. I know all that. And that has been my concern - I know God is a just God. And yet it has always seemed to me that a divorced woman was "one flesh" with her previous husband. And that if she were to marry another, at least in that first sexual act they both would be committing adultery while they became "one flesh" with each other - see the teaching on sex with a prostitute. Although I believe the Scripture in Deuteronomy, it still does not answer the "one flesh" issue, which is fine - if it is alright with God, it is certainly alright with me. I was well taught when I was a youngster. Dad told me, and I obeyed, that it was sin, wrong - to defile any other woman. To do so was to spoil her for any other man. And if I didn't want that for me, then I shouldn't do it to another. I believed him and was a virgin until my original wife. But THAT was not the teaching that convinced me it would be wrong to have sex with any woman who had been previously married, because God Himself made it a fact that if she were to have sex with any other man it would be breaking the "one flesh" bond. Obviously I am wrong, but that has always been the way I have interpreted it. Most of us as Evangelical Pastors have refused to marry divorced people to anyone else. The reason was because of the "one flesh" issue. I must now re-evaluate EVERY position I have taken concerning this. I am not dumb enough to think that I know everything (in fact, that is why I asked the question), but I have studied the Scriptures sufficiently to know that now I must restudy every marriage issue to assure that I never give false counsel. The only person I have ever harmed here is myself, because I have always told anyone wishing me to marry them (if divorce was an issue) that there were plenty of other pastors who would have no problem with doing so.
 
PastorLarry said:
I have spent the last almost 2 hours praising God for you NBTX11. You have so relieved my mind and shown me why I have no wives. Because I was fearful of doing wrong, I have never sought out any woman that was either never married, or a widow. Divorcees are so much more in number, and I have had many opportunities to get to know and bring into my home divorcees. But my eyes were always blinded, by what? Sin? I don't think so - I think more likely it was in God's timing. Though I am an old man, fortunately I can still please a woman, but all old men cannot. Now, because of the simple Scripture which you so easily put before me I now have that freedom. The big question now is - who will even look at me now that I am old? Oh well, it will be interesting to see. Thank you again for making this so clear while it has been a muddy issue for me for almost 50 years.
Click to expand...
Praise God. You’re free to look among biblically divorced women. My second wife is divorced. Believe me, I looked into all this. I did not want to be sinning against a holy God, and I needed a clear conscience to do so. I made her show me her divorce papers before we committed. I did not want anything coming up later where I’d be committing adultery.

It’s not too late for you. There are older women who need a husband, as well as younger women. You’ve already mentioned widows at your church, I believe. I pray you’re able to find a good godly woman to help you. I thank God often for my two helps who I love each very dearly. To love a woman and provide for her is something very special.
 
PastorLarry said:
Yes, of course. I know all that. And that has been my concern - I know God is a just God. And yet it has always seemed to me that a divorced woman was "one flesh" with her previous husband. And that if she were to marry another, at least in that first sexual act they both would be committing adultery while they became "one flesh" with each other - see the teaching on sex with a prostitute. Although I believe the Scripture in Deuteronomy, it still does not answer the "one flesh" issue, which is fine - if it is alright with God, it is certainly alright with me. I was well taught when I was a youngster. Dad told me, and I obeyed, that it was sin, wrong - to defile any other woman. To do so was to spoil her for any other man. And if I didn't want that for me, then I shouldn't do it to another. I believed him and was a virgin until my original wife. But THAT was not the teaching that convinced me it would be wrong to have sex with any woman who had been previously married, because God Himself made it a fact that if she were to have sex with any other man it would be breaking the "one flesh" bond. Obviously I am wrong, but that has always been the way I have interpreted it. Most of us as Evangelical Pastors have refused to marry divorced people to anyone else. The reason was because of the "one flesh" issue. I must now re-evaluate EVERY position I have taken concerning this. I am not dumb enough to think that I know everything (in fact, that is why I asked the question), but I have studied the Scriptures sufficiently to know that now I must restudy every marriage issue to assure that I never give false counsel. The only person I have ever harmed here is myself, because I have always told anyone wishing me to marry them (if divorce was an issue) that there were plenty of other pastors who would have no problem with doing so.
Click to expand...
The divorced woman had a one flesh relationship with her previous husband but her marriage was severed permanently when she was divorced. She’s free. A man can have multiple one flesh relationships. He can even have one flesh relationships without marrying them, if he simply has sex without any commitment (my belief, others may differ). I have a one flesh relationship with two separate women, and biblical marriage to two separate women
 
Thank you for the counsel. I will not approach except to befriend any widow of this Church, and yes there are several. The reason being, I am attending this church (not as pastor) until God gives me an new church, either to pastor or to start and pastor. Being a business entrepreneur also assists me when it comes to starting new churches - it takes the same kind of person. And the Lord has blessed me abundantly in that. But, since I am not the pastor where I am attending, and that pastor does not believe in polygyny (yet, I'm working on him) I will not embarrass him by dating the widows there. I'm sure (I hope I am sure anyway) that God will lead me somewhere else and anywhere I go will know my beliefs before I take over as pastor. Therefore, they should have no question regarding the widows or NOW, divorced ladies. Yeah!!!
 
NBTX11 said:
The divorced woman had a one flesh relationship with her previous husband but her marriage was severed permanently when she was divorced. She’s free. A man can have multiple one flesh relationships. He can even have one flesh relationships without marrying them, if he simply has sex without any commitment (my belief, others may differ). I have a one flesh relationship with two separate women, and biblical marriage to two separate women
Click to expand...
I've not allowed myself that privilege. I still believe sex is for marriage - in fact, that sex IS marriage. I believe any woman I have sex with becomes my wife. If a formal ceremony occurs, that is beside the point. I am personally somewhat against a formal wedding ceremony though I know most women (in particular) think that's pretty important.
 
What @NBTX11 means is that if someone does sleep around, this is sinful, but it is also "one flesh". We know this because Paul warns us not to have sex with a prostitute, because you will become one flesh with the prostitute. So you can have multiple "one flesh" states with multiple women - ideally being righteous marriage, but possibly some being sinful. He's not saying you should do this, just that if you did this it would also be "one flesh".
 
FollowingHim said:
What @NBTX11 means is that if someone does sleep around, this is sinful, but it is also "one flesh". We know this because Paul warns us not to have sex with a prostitute, because you will become one flesh with the prostitute. So you can have multiple "one flesh" states with multiple women - ideally being righteous marriage, but possibly some being sinful. He's not saying you should do this, just that if you did this it would also be "one flesh".
Click to expand...
I think I understood that. I am still up on that matter, having considered it in the past, especially as my needs have continued to grow. But at this time I just don't believe I could do that. The old saying concerning sin (well, amongst us Baptists anyway), "If in DOUBT, don't." My want has been "IF IN NEED, DO.:" But I just can't feel right about that, as great as my need has been for the last 60 years. Actually no - for much longer. Since I was 12 years old. To be still a virgin when I married was more a miracle than any man can imagine. In fact, I can remember that both boys and girls, and even the teacher shared in jokes about that large protrusion in my pants. So embarrassing. And I was reminded of it at a recent class reunion. Who would think kids - 8th great kids would remember that into old age. How very embarrassing then and now. But somehow I contained. Somehow I still do. But it is pure agony
 
PastorLarry said:
I've not allowed myself that privilege. I still believe sex is for marriage - in fact, that sex IS marriage. I believe any woman I have sex with becomes my wife. If a formal ceremony occurs, that is beside the point. I am personally somewhat against a formal wedding ceremony though I know most women (in particular) think that's pretty important.
Click to expand...
I would disagree some. If you had sex with a prostitute (I know you wouldn’t but let’s say you did), then you would be one flesh with her, however not be married to her.

A ceremony is not required. If you want to have one, you can, but it’s not necessary. When I married my second wife, we exchanged rings, (not necessary, but we wanted to), made promises to each other including that we would be married and be husband and wife for life, and had sex. This all took place in her house at the time. We were married as much as anyone who stands in a church. I will not put her away or divorce, except for adultery. I’m committed.
 
Last edited:
I guess we will have to disagree on that point. Who knows, maybe I'll learn something more and new and different, but right now I feel that the sex act itself marries a couple. I just think it is so important that we not deliberately disobey God's Word. That is not to say I think I'm perfect - Oh my no. So very far from that. But the more years I am in the Scriptures, the more I learn. Every day I am learning and for the most part I am writing, either a LarryLetter (for more frivolous subjects - well, mostly politics) or (From the Pen of Pastor Larry - recently changed to Preacher Larry since I am not actually pastoring a church at the time. You are a blessing to me my friend. You have taught me so much in that little short verse. Something I have been fighting in my mind for years. Literally years - many years.
 
PastorLarry said:
The old saying concerning sin (well, amongst us Baptists anyway), "If in DOUBT, don't."
Click to expand...
Some fundamental baptists are notorious for making extra biblical rules and regulations and enforcing them. They used to ban dancing, attending movies, music, etc. They get way with that by saying “avoid all appearances of evil” even though there’s no law against such activities. Even the verse they use is often misused. A better translation would be avoid all forms of evil. Appearance of evil is subjective depending on who you’re talking to.
 
Oh yes, we Baptists tend to even be suspicious of other Baptists, "who are not as righteous as we." Seriously, I do know of what you speak. I don't criticize anyone here for not believing my way, believing that each one of us has the responsibility before God to live in the way we believe God has directed us. I for one, HATE legalism. And I refuse to practice it. I am much more likely to be critical of myself than of anyone else. You will find that of me. After all - I know me. No one could possibly be more wicked than I am, was, and probably always will be. It was the Grace of God that reached out and found me, gave me new life, and the will to please Him every way I can. That could have not been according to anything that I have done.
 
PastorLarry said:
I guess we will have to disagree on that point. Who knows, maybe I'll learn something more and new and different, but right now I feel that the sex act itself marries a couple. I just think it is so important that we not deliberately disobey God's Word. That is not to say I think I'm perfect - Oh my no. So very far from that. But the more years I am in the Scriptures, the more I learn. Every day I am learning and for the most part I am writing, either a LarryLetter (for more frivolous subjects - well, mostly politics) or (From the Pen of Pastor Larry - recently changed to Preacher Larry since I am not actually pastoring a church at the time. You are a blessing to me my friend. You have taught me so much in that little short verse. Something I have been fighting in my mind for years. Literally years - many years.
Click to expand...
Sex does not equal marriage. Consider the following verses:

Exodus 22:16-17 KJV - 16 And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife.
17 If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins.

Notice of a man had sex with a maid, he was still not yet married to her. He still had to endow her and get permission from the father to take her as his wife.

If sex alone equals marriage, then this verse would say something like, “if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, she is surely his wife”, and nothing further.

Secondly, if sex equals marriage, how can a man who sleeps with a married woman be married to her. She already has a husband. In that case, sex (adultery) does NOT equal marriage.
 
PastorLarry said:
I have still not come to peace in my mind yet as to whether a man can (According to the Word) marry a woman who has had another man (yes, it is a one flesh thing). I do believe a God of Mercy and Grace would not leave a poor divorced woman or abused woman to live life without a man because of the fact she has been divorced. But I haven't found peace of mind about this because I've not found the Scriptures that allow for it. I hope I am blind. Help me out here. But NOT by common sense, or reason. But, by using the Word of God.
Click to expand...
I see @NBTX11 has referenced Deuteronomy 24:1-2 for you.
Perhaps also take a look at the examples God gives us with both Rahab and Ruth; one a former prostitute and the other a widow, both of whom are mentioned in the genealogies of our Lord Jesus Christ (cf. Matt. 1:5). We are also told David the king begat Solomon of her that had been the wife of Urias (Matt. 1:6). Although the circumstances around David's original situation with Bathsheba are sinful and sad, his marriage to her as a widow is not wrong.
 
FollowingHim said:
@PastorLarry and @NBTX11, please don't use this thread to debate whether sex = marriage or not. This is a thread about a real situation in someone's life, it's here to give them advice. Time to end the derailment.
Click to expand...
I'm sorry. I thought I was just answering a question. I am still trying to learn how to use this site. Didn't realize I was doing anything wrong. Again, I apologize.
 
frederick said:
I see @NBTX11 has referenced Deuteronomy 24:1-2 for you.
Perhaps also take a look at the examples God gives us with both Rahab and Ruth; one a former prostitute and the other a widow, both of whom are mentioned in the genealogies of our Lord Jesus Christ (cf. Matt. 1:5). We are also told David the king begat Solomon of her that had been the wife of Urias (Matt. 1:6). Although the circumstances around David's original situation with Bathsheba are sinful and sad, his marriage to her as a widow is not wrong.
Click to expand...
 
Rahab was a harlot, Ruth was a widow. Widows are free to remarry. Harlots are free to marry. What is important is that anyone - man, woman or child repent of their sins in order to be acceptable to God. We are rarely told whether this transition takes place. There was nothing whatever wrong with Rahab being in David's lineage, or of Ruth's. Not really sure what that has to do with the argument. By the way, I am told that the issue of whether sex equals marriage does not belong in this section. Do you know where it might belong so I can continue that thread of thought?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top