she had other men in her life before coming to Christ with which she was intimate. (As myself had before too). Then she was with her ex, they exchanged some vows I think, then she left 4 years later, she repented, got baptized, died to herself, and we attached ourselves to one another, gotten intimate, but still is a virgin.
I have no idea what you're talking about here. She has been intimate with multiple men, including one she was with for 4 years, then yourself - but somehow is still a "virgin"? What do you mean by "virgin"?
I am going to run with the assumption that by "gotten intimate" you mean that you have done something that you would, in your broad definition above ("being naked and intimate"), class as sex, which is why you refer to her as your wife.
Was she in adultery and I too being together? I don’t think so. It is true that her ex didn’t repudiate her. She parted. But then, was baptized.
I think you were in grave error having this relationship in the first place. When we come to Christ He forgives us for the sins in our past. However,
baptism is not divorce. She already had a man, who she had been with for four years, and he did not want her to leave him. He fully believed she was his, and had a verbal commitment of some sort from her. She was married. And this was not a sin. There is nothing wrong with being married. So there was nothing to forgive her for, and her baptism makes no difference. She was married before her baptism and was still married afterwards.
In fact, the Bible explicitly instructs a woman with an unbelieving husband to NOT leave him, but stay with him, in the hope that he may be won to Christ through her Godly example. Given that we are also advised not to marry unbelievers, the only reason a woman would have an unbelieving husband is if they both married as unbelievers, then she was baptised into Christ.
That explicitly shows that her baptism does not cancel the marriage - rather, she is instructed to remain married to him.
You, much as you do not want to believe it because it's obviously very wrong, are an adulterer.
Now, had some years passed between her previous relationships and yours, and the men she had been with prior to becoming a Christian no longer had any contact with her, then I would agree with you. No man would be claiming her, and she would be washed clean from the past in the blood of the Lamb.
But when a man IS claiming her,
then it is sin to take her from him.
What you have fallen for is a common temptation that Satan uses to bring down many good Christian men -
"white knighting". Satan whispers to us things like "he's a terrible man, you'd be far better for her, you need to rescue her from him". In this way he has snared many pastors into sin, as a pastor is particularly vulnerable since he is often in a position of counselling people. It happens in monogamous settings quite frequently - some time ago I was actually counselling a man who claimed his wife had committed adultery with a pastor of a well-known megachurch. But it is even more effective a temptation for men who believe in polygamy, as they are obviously always available so able to be tempted by this at any time. The early Mormon church has many examples of this in the various "marriages" of Joseph Smith and other early church leaders to the wives of other men. And I can think of an example in people I know personally.
Consider again what she shared herself about how this relationship began:
A few months ago, being deeply unhappy in my earthly and spiritual life, as well as in my relationship with a man, I asked God if God still loved me. I was in a relationship for almost 4 years. Me, wanting to return to Christ, to his commandments and his laws and the other wanting to live as he saw fit. This created many conflicts, which led to many sins.
I didn't think my life was about to change. A brother, met 4 years previously - ChoosingGod had offered to live with him, among his family for a while in order to find rest and regain my relationship with Christ.
After the visit of the Holy Spirit, I made an act of repentance, a fast and put my life back in order before leaving for him.
I had to make a very difficult choice; leave my house, my animals, my “spouse”.
...
In the meantime, I was baptized by ChoosingGod on October 24, 2023.
I continued to text my
ex 《spouse》, having become a new creature through the waters of baptism, I had chosen not to remarry this person. I was waiting for a response from God, so that he would reveal to me the state of his heart before starting a new relationship with him. (I won't explain all the details of this relationship) all I can say is that God revealed his heart to me quickly and I understood that he was not the man for me.
And so, there followed a lot of angry messages from him, he had become mean following my decision. Basically, I was supposed to stay at ChoosingGod for 1 to 2 months.
...
Some time has passed since the end of October. I've been living at @ChoosingGod for 6 months already. At the end of November we confess our feelings towards each other. At the beginning of December, his wife was informed. At the end of December his children were put into perfume. Since then, things have evolved, but not always positively. There were several clashes between me and his wife and a little with his children.
She was married - she even calls him her spouse. You suggested that she leave her husband and come to live with you - temporarily, as a holiday. While at your home you personally baptised her,
you taught her that that meant she was no longer married and could choose to remarry him or not, you then persuaded her to marry yourself instead. This angered her husband because he felt deceived and betrayed.
You enticed a married woman away from her husband, and committed adultery with her. But you clothed your behaviour in enough religious language that you could persuade yourself that it was not adultery, and was actually marriage.
It has fallen apart because it was sinful. Whether or not she realises it, she is now actually doing what God would have her do - repenting from her sin by going back to her husband and reconciling with him.
Do not stand in God's way. Stop fooling yourself that you are in the right. You have made a grave error. Let her repent from her sin, let her go back to her husband,
and pray that she retains her faith in God through this disaster. While you confess your sin and beg God for forgiveness.
