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Talking or courting?
- Thread starter Patricia C
- Start date
Yes @rockfox inquiring minds want to know.So how did you do it?
VV76 and I didn’t ‘date’ until a year before we got married, even though we had a wedding date set . When we went on official dates it was to celebrate or just a purposeful time away from everyone and enjoy each other’s company with more privacy (uninterrupted conversations). There was plenty to do and still be together without a date.We worked on my parents farm, with 4h animals, went fishing or camping and hung out at families homes being part of the Family Life. It was also a good way to see how each family interacted with each other so you knew what/who you were getting into... dating is nice but not necessary.
We also had simple Bible study from time to time on issues that were necessary to each of us, but we also went to church/bible study together too.
A good relationship doesn’t have to be laborious. If it is, someone’s got a lot of baggage... know whose you are, your role and the other persons weaknesses, strengths, beliefs, and are you willing to submit or lead. It’s kinda that simple.
. When we went on official dates it was to celebrate or just a purposeful time away from everyone and enjoy each other’s company with more privacy (uninterrupted conversations). There was plenty to do and still be together without a date.We worked on my parents farm, with 4h animals, went fishing or camping and hung out at families homes being part of the Family Life. It was also a good way to see how each family interacted with each other so you knew what/who you were getting into... dating is nice but not necessary.We also had simple Bible study from time to time on issues that were necessary to each of us, but we also went to church/bible study together too.
A good relationship doesn’t have to be laborious. If it is, someone’s got a lot of baggage... know whose you are, your role and the other persons weaknesses, strengths, beliefs, and are you willing to submit or lead. It’s kinda that simple.
Sounds wonderful! It isn't always that clean and uncomplicated. You were blessed I am still waiting for my blessing. LOLVV76 and I didn’t ‘date’ until a year before we got married, even though we had a wedding date set
We also had simple Bible study from time to time on issues that were necessary to each of us, but we also went to church/bible study together too.
A good relationship doesn’t have to be laborious. If it is, someone’s got a lot of baggage... know whose you are, your role and the other persons weaknesses, strengths, beliefs, and are you willing to submit or lead. It’s kinda that simple.
Typical '90s dating. Nothing special or necessarily recommended. But I wasn't a Christian. However I was very picky about my women and reasonably dominant so it worked.
Hello friend-zone.
It's a case by case base. Even if I'm excited about a woman I'm talking to and want her to meet my wives I wait. Almost always the relationship doesn't work and ur would be a waste to involve my ladies into it when I'm not sure what will result. If I'm courting/ dating someone I share with my ladies about her and the other way around. If I think it might help the courting relationship to meet the others I might suggest it, but typically the gal I'm dating is uncomfortable with the idea. This is usually how I can tell the relationship won't work. My 2nd wife was excited to and wanted meet my 1st, nervous but delighted.
As some have already said, there are limited rules to the process, communicating is a must to determine what you want with that individual. Personally, I don't need friends of the opposite sex. I don't have time for that, if a woman wants me she's going to have to accept my family and wives sooner than later, she doesn't get me all to herself. I find more than not ladies who are interested in me want me but not the life that goes with it, when they realize my relationship isn't like the common world relationship where the woman gets the man to leave his wife for her, they lose interest fast.
It's no easy thing dating. I might as well have a recording for how many times I've said why a woman can't have multiple husbands. Always the same response, "it isn't fair" they say.... I'm dating a lady now, but she seems more open to the idea of PM than most, it deffintly takes a special connection to get to that point, hopefully that connection is enough for her to handle the multiple wives concept. The hard part is if your like me, geting excited, falling for the girl, and then she decides against it leaving you (the man)heart broken. Due to this I don't get my wives involved anymore.
As some have already said, there are limited rules to the process, communicating is a must to determine what you want with that individual. Personally, I don't need friends of the opposite sex. I don't have time for that, if a woman wants me she's going to have to accept my family and wives sooner than later, she doesn't get me all to herself. I find more than not ladies who are interested in me want me but not the life that goes with it, when they realize my relationship isn't like the common world relationship where the woman gets the man to leave his wife for her, they lose interest fast.
It's no easy thing dating. I might as well have a recording for how many times I've said why a woman can't have multiple husbands. Always the same response, "it isn't fair" they say.... I'm dating a lady now, but she seems more open to the idea of PM than most, it deffintly takes a special connection to get to that point, hopefully that connection is enough for her to handle the multiple wives concept. The hard part is if your like me, geting excited, falling for the girl, and then she decides against it leaving you (the man)heart broken. Due to this I don't get my wives involved anymore.
A large enough umbrella can shelter multiple people, but a single person neither needs, nor can effectively use multiple umbrellas. They just get in each other's way, and even if you can prevent them from from getting tangled up, only one is actually being an effective shelter.
I suspect this accounts for a higher percentage of prospectives bowing out than most people realize. It is the height of carnal accomplishment to be so attractive and skilled in womanly wiles as to get a man to leave his wife for you.
Many of such will bow out quick when PM comes up, others wait until the decision to marry comes up. But a minority will play the long game; even entering the marriage.
The woman I proposed to fit in this category I think. It should have been a red flag when she did it to someone before me although I learned a lot more after I proposed. I thank God that she did not play along and say yes into marriage like you said.
Yes, it's unfortunate but comes with the territory. My 1st and I were talking about how much easier PM was a few hundred years ago. A wife's behavior was expected to be biblicall (like) and a man didn't have so many challenges or judgements in finding another wife. Today, us men really have our work cut out for us, and the ladies feminist brain washing doesn't help them any.
My 2nd spouse was here 2 weeks before she showed her colors, she didn't want to share me, 8 months after dating! She wanted only me and I wasn't about to leave my family for her. It was heart breaking but I'm grateful God broke it early than later. Shortly after God brought someone better, committed and loyal.
It is sad that women and men have so many challenges finding biblical like minded individuals. Yes, the feminist movement muddied the waters and blurred the lines. Men also began taking a back seat to responsibility, walking out on their families, the sexual revolution created a rebellion in society for both men and women. The sexual exploration can be likened to Sodom and Gomorrah. The beauty in sex is casual in the world but so spiritual in creation and a wonderful gift that binds people spiritually! We are so lost to the true meanings of the male and female roles it is disheartening. Sometimes as women we learn to do what is traditionally the duty of the man because we have little choice. Given the choice to live in covenant as God intends would be a dream. But pologinous families living in society still don't have the freedoms to live as God intended. All we can do.... is our best!
I pray one day I am blessed as so many of you already are. As I am learning it really isn't as easy as I would hope. So, as for this community I am grateful to have met you, building friendships, and finding a tribe i feel i belong to. Thanks
Soooooo well stated!! Beautiful analogy!
Maybe courting isn’t a good word to describe what really is going on; or maybe, should be going on. For me, I’ve never been popular of words related to a place where lawyers and judges rule over us. Courting by definition is : “Flattering; attempting to gain by address; wooing; soliciting in marriage” (Webster’s Dictionary, 1828). I have used the word in discribing the process as “discovery.” Discovery is defined as: “The action of disclosing to view, or bringing to light; the action of finding something hidden; that which is discovered, found out or revealed; that which is first brought to light, seen or known (Webster’s Dictionary, 1828). We are 3 part beings. Mind, spirit, and body. See Matthew 22:35-40. Many of our problems and mistakes have come from; as it were, “getting the cart before the horse.” What we are attempting to do in one’s discovery process is “see” if there's a connection. We’ve learned that the connection should begin in the mind. Yes should. Just like coming to Christ, it begins in the mind. If the spirit is first, then knowing He is our husband must be by osmosis and He would have no need for the printed Word. By those conversations there should gradually be a growing connection of the spirit. We must be careful that what we want it to be and what the Holy Spirit is telling us by His small still Voice may not be the same. See, Amos 3:3. 2Corinthians 6:14. About discovering the present wife. IMO and like Christ and His, the present wife should have an equally or more of a role in the discovery than the husband. We should examine the biblical examples in the Bible and try to emulate these. My wife and I Love two examples best. First, Ruth n Boaz. This is a great example of discovery. Boaz was attracted to her. Did he do like they do today in courting? No. He allowed here or created the opportunity to “glean more wheat.” Awesome!! “Gleaming more wheat” being a type of giving her more Word/Truth. Now that is attractive to a Son. Our second example is John 4, the woman at the well. There is so much “gleaning” there I would encourage all to go and discover It. My wife and I still get excited about all the “wheat” hidden amongst the chaff. In conclusion, the most important part of discovery is not finding their favorite color, career, foods, ethnicity, material riches, etc., which is good. But the greatest gift God or a husband has is to offer his Love by sharing the Word. See Psalm 138:2. After years, my wife and I are still discovering Love . . . with Christ.
Courting by definition is : “Flattering; attempting to gain by address; wooing; soliciting in marriage” (Webster’s Dictionary, 1828). I have used the word in discribing the process as “discovery.” Discovery is defined as: “The action of disclosing to view, or bringing to light; the action of finding something hidden; that which is discovered, found out or revealed; that which is first brought to light, seen or known (Webster’s Dictionary, 1828). We are 3 part beings. Mind, spirit, and body. See Matthew 22:35-40. Many of our problems and mistakes have come from; as it were, “getting the cart before the horse.” What we are attempting to do in one’s discovery process is “see” if there's a connection. We’ve learned that the connection should begin in the mind. Yes should. Just like coming to Christ, it begins in the mind. If the spirit is first, then knowing He is our husband must be by osmosis and He would have no need for the printed Word. By those conversations there should gradually be a growing connection of the spirit. We must be careful that what we want it to be and what the Holy Spirit is telling us by His small still Voice may not be the same. See, Amos 3:3. 2Corinthians 6:14. About discovering the present wife. IMO and like Christ and His, the present wife should have an equally or more of a role in the discovery than the husband. We should examine the biblical examples in the Bible and try to emulate these. My wife and I Love two examples best. First, Ruth n Boaz. This is a great example of discovery. Boaz was attracted to her. Did he do like they do today in courting? No. He allowed here or created the opportunity to “glean more wheat.” Awesome!! “Gleaming more wheat” being a type of giving her more Word/Truth. Now that is attractive to a Son. Our second example is John 4, the woman at the well. There is so much “gleaning” there I would encourage all to go and discover It. My wife and I still get excited about all the “wheat” hidden amongst the chaff. In conclusion, the most important part of discovery is not finding their favorite color, career, foods, ethnicity, material riches, etc., which is good. But the greatest gift God or a husband has is to offer his Love by sharing the Word. See Psalm 138:2. After years, my wife and I are still discovering Love . . . with Christ.
I have to totally agree, men took the back seat back in the day of the Roman's limiting marriage to one man and woman followed by the Roman Catholics. The emperor in that time divorced multiple wives and married new ones, even married a man (can't think of his name right now). If you look at the history you can see how God didnt even let these emperors pro create to pass down their throne, all after they regulated marriage.
Sorry but a majority of the time it is the woman kicking the father out of the household. Men walking out on their families is as rare as it ever was. Feminism did more than muddy the waters, it utterly destroyed the marriage, family, and soon society itself.
Based on how the data is trending, feminism’s agenda is going to back fire. Men are leaving the marriage pool. Too cost prohibitive. Not just financially either. There are several books on feminism’s attempt (and some success) at destroying BF. It sickens me. All of “those things” will only drive us to Him. “All things work together . . .” Back seat?! Some didn’t even get on the bus. That’s been the numero uno reason I’ve been asked not to return to religious organizations. It’s sad that we don’t see very many examples of real men any more, which stand on the Word no matter the cost or loss. My $.02.
All of “those things” will only drive us to Him. “All things work together . . .” Back seat?! Some didn’t even get on the bus. That’s been the numero uno reason I’ve been asked not to return to religious organizations. It’s sad that we don’t see very many examples of real men any more, which stand on the Word no matter the cost or loss. My $.02.
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Zackly! That’s what my first wife did, even knowing what 1Corinthians 7 states. She told me, “You need to start listening to me or else!” I told her, “Okay.” So you’re gonna listen to me?!, she asked. I said, “Nope. I’ll take or else!” Needless to say, I was living in a barn for six months after that. Yes, I have sarcastic humor. Rent was cheap, but the accommodations were rough.
That’s just my animal magnetism at work. I guess I’ve been like the little boy in “The Emperor’s New Clothes,” by Hans Christian Anderson. I’m workin on that though.
I have to agree with you, it's a very small percentage of men who leave their families, just as it is a small percentage of men who abuse their wives. 70% of divorces filed by women. Many years ago in college I did a paper of spouseal abuse, women being the instigators significantly out weighed the statistics of men being the aggressor. Majority of cases that domestic abuse shelters use are off of the arrests made based on accusations against men, not even the convictions, just the arrests, as most charges are dropped or the accused found innocent. Not to mention how men don't typically press charges against their woman or create a legal case against them so the statistics are not even based according to factual information that feminist and women activist use.
I too had a paper on the subject in college. I also had a debate with two college law professors. The subject of the debate was about whether there was fair treatment in the courts between the sexes. Well needless to say it was stacked against me. I presented that women received preferential treatment. I presented case law, they presented none. I presented statistics, they presented their degrees. I drew logical conclusions, they presented opinions. I knew who won once they attacked me personally. So did the audience of students. They got to vote which argument was more valid.
One of the professors was from my university (Christian) and my prof for law. She gave me my only B in college for a final grade in her class, yet all my papers and tests were 100. I sent her a text, “Thank you for validating my argument even more. I will use this in the future.” No reply. In fact, one of the Supreme Court justices admited his wife and daughter persuaded him to vote for abortion. That’s bad law!! Nope, can’t remember the name. I can just see his face. Nothing thrills this old man more than when you read it right to them or present the facts and draw a logical conclusion and their response is, “You’re an idiot!” If ya want a good laugh, look up SNL on YouTube with Jane Curtain and Dan Ackroyd “Point Counter Point.” They are joking but today, these are what many think a valid argument is. Excuse the crudeness. “Jane you ignorant . . .”