• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

When bringing up the subject of PM, what's the first verse you would use?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Cap
  • Start date Start date
I’m not following that at all. Nothing I just posted had anything to do with disolving a marriage.
My point is that because He was addressing the indissolubility of marriage, He probably was just talking about the event whether it was the first wife or any additional wife. That argument would be a really hard sell to those with condemnation bias anyhow.
 
@Daniel DeLuca, I suspect you will have (or have had) a difficult day today, given what you may have set in motion a week ago.

If you don't respect them enough to be honest about what you are trying to do, you shouldn't be attempting to influence them. And if you have to work an angle, you don't respect them. Frankly I think you're not comfortable about this — which is good because at least you sense the problem and have qualms about dissembling.

"I know a polygamous Christian family who have offered to visit the class so we can ask them questions. May I tell them that we accept their offer?" If you can't say this to the class leadership, then to pursue it is probably unfair toward both the class and that family.
I had a great day! The leader didn't want the conversation to go into polygamy. The funny thing is, I mentioned Deut 21:15, and he said that this was one of the verses that we were about to discuss. He explained to everyone that if the oldest son was not the son of the loved wife, he still received a double portion of the inheritance.

I didn't have a chance to bring up the offer from Andrew, because I arrived late. My wife didn't come to class at all! I did point out that in Matt 19:9 the word "woman" does not show up in the original Greek, but no one really seemed to care.

I mentioned the polygamy discussion on the stage to one of the fellow trombone players. He has a more cavalier "Live and let live" attitude about it. I tried to explain to him last week that what really matters is what God's Word has to say about it. He also seemed to think that everyone is a child of God. I pointed out that we become children of God by receiving Christ. He didn't have any response to that. Now I would feel a whole lot more comfortable about introducing him, and another couple of trombone players to Andrew (including one that happens to be going to school in Brenham), than I would feel about proposing him coming to our class for a Q&A.
 
Last edited:
May I humbly suggest removing all thoughts of it being an argument from your heart (with God's help). Suggest thinking of it as helping others see just a little bit of how a plural families are ok. If they don't totally get it now, it's ok, you've planted a great seed - don't feel like you have to win right now. Jesus will water that seed. They'll come back with more questions 4 months from now. You've accomplished A LOT just opening the door like this. You don't need to pound the nail home - you got it started.... Jesus can tap that nail down thru with Holy Spirit working in their hearts. Don't push too hard - stand back and watch what God can do...

But there's many others here with more experience here so I defer to them.

Don't win the battle with your Church and lose the war. Go easy man...
You speak sound words of wisdom. I didn't get the push back that I expected. I had a lot of interaction with the leader yesterday, but nothing really all that controversial, and no fireworks to speak of.
 
Just to third that: I agree you're sounding simultaneously overly antagonistic and overly sneaky in your approach. It's as if polygamy was the most important element in all of Christian theology and something that every single Christian must be persuaded to accept one way or another or else they'll go to hell, so all methods are on the table and the end justifies the means.

This is an atrocious attitude, lacking respect, and unlikely to genuinely convert the people in your bible study group to this understanding.
A man persuaded against his will is of the same opinion still.

It's also highly likely to get you booted out, for no good reason. Polygamy is a minor theological detail. It's not even a salvation matter. It's not worth anyone getting worked up over - and that includes us. Yes, it helps to understand scripture better. Yes, it has personal importance for those who are actually polygamous. But still, it's not worth trying to win debates over by any means necessary.

Trying to win such debates actually contributes to the fragmentation of the Church. In reality we almost always agree on the fundamentals of salvation. Nevertheless churches insist on splitting over the details people get emotive about (details of leadership structures, alcohol, dietary laws, feast observance, the nature of God Himself [an issue beyond our full comprehension anyway], best time for baptism, polygamy...). We should be a Body united in doing the work of our Head, but instead we insist on arguing over details and trying to get everyone to see everything our way. It happens at a corporate level, resulting in denominational splits, and at an individual level, resulting in individuals leaving / being booted from fellowship.

And Satan laughs and finds a new issue to prod people to get emotive about, as he continues to try and divide and conquer the Body that is supposed to be united.
Yeah! One of the things I like about the SBC, is that we can have these disagreements on minor issues, and still fellowship with one another. That's is all I am hoping to do with polygamy, is move it into the "let's agree to disagree" category, and make it clear that agreeing to disagree means that you don't throw people out of your church, simply because they disagree with you on that issue.

So far, I have introduced the concept to a few orchestra members, including a trumpet player who has moved off to Huntsville, but was very receptive, my Bible Study class, and some AWANA leaders, including the captain, who has since relegated some of the captain duties to me (go figure), and that happened in the presence of numerous volunteers who had arrived early. Two of the trombone players were not receptive, and one of them tried to talk me out of it. The AWANA leaders both debated me on it, but one of them came back and said that he noticed that the women who practice polygamy seem to enjoy it, while the other leader (the captain) was not really able to argue her position. Yes, I said "her". Oh yeah! My pastor also is aware of my position, and we still get along great!
 
Maybe I missed something. What would you not be completely upfront about?
Well, I was just thinking that as long as I use the terminology "Plural Marriage", they would not be held culpable for knowingly allowing someone who is pro-polygamy to do this.
 
I did point out that in Matt 19:9 the word "woman" does not show up in the original Greek, but no one really seemed to care.
Hey I'm not sure which particular Greek text you are referring to but in all the Greek texts I checked, the Greek word for "woman" is used in Matthew 19:9. The text literally translates; "But I am saying to you that who ever might divorce the woman of him (his woman/wife)... ." Cheers
 
Hey I'm not sure which particular Greek text you are referring to but in all the Greek texts I checked, the Greek word for "woman" is used in Matthew 19:9. The text literally translates; "But I am saying to you that who ever might divorce the woman of him (his woman/wife)... ." Cheers
True, but some transliterations also say "shall marry another woman", whereas that instance is not found in the original Greek.
 
I assume you read the rest of the passage where he says it’s ok to divorce in certain conditions? Indissolubility of marriage is a great idea that unfortunately can’t be proven by anything including Scripture or any other documents that I’m aware of.
It is OK to divorce in those instances because if she has already committed adultery, he is not the one causing her to do so, when he divorces her.
 
True, but some transliterations also say "shall marry another woman", whereas that instance is not found in the original Greek.
The Greek word translated "another" is from the feminine accusative singular form of the word allos - another, so it is not incorrect to include the word "woman" if a translator so wishes. FYI, the word "another" can legitimately be used here to refer to "another woman of the same kind" so Jesus is referring to the situation where a woman is wrongly "divorced" (not really divorced at all) and the guy marries another woman of the same kind and is therefore committing adultery. Then the man who marries the guys wife also commits adultery. This is basically what's going on with most serial monogamous relationships today; wrongful divorce leading to multiple adulterous situations.

Way off the original subject! Sorry :)
 
The Greek word translated "another" is from the feminine accusative singular form of the word allos - another, so it is not incorrect to include the word "woman" if a translator so wishes. FYI, the word "another" can legitimately be used here to refer to "another woman of the same kind" so Jesus is referring to the situation where a woman is wrongly "divorced" (not really divorced at all) and the guy marries another woman of the same kind and is therefore committing adultery. Then the man who marries the guys wife also commits adultery. This is basically what's going on with most serial monogamous relationships today; wrongful divorce leading to multiple adulterous situations.

Way off the original subject! Sorry :)
I never thought of it that way, but it would certainly make a lot more sense than the assertion that he is committing adultery by marrying any woman.
 
The Greek word translated "another" is from the feminine accusative singular form of the word allos - another, so it is not incorrect to include the word "woman" if a translator so wishes. FYI, the word "another" can legitimately be used here to refer to "another woman of the same kind" so Jesus is referring to the situation where a woman is wrongly "divorced" (not really divorced at all) and the guy marries another woman of the same kind and is therefore committing adultery. Then the man who marries the guys wife also commits adultery. This is basically what's going on with most serial monogamous relationships today; wrongful divorce leading to multiple adulterous situations.

Way off the original subject! Sorry :)
How then do you see ἐπ' αὐτήν, at the end of Mark 10:11? I have come to the conclusion that saying that the husband has committed adultery against his wife, could quite possibly be bad theology. When we sin, it is against God, but we see that it is possible to cause another person to sin, as we see in Matt 5:32 and Matt 18:6, and be held culpable for doing so.
 
When we sin, it is against God
I fully agree.

I have come to the conclusion that saying that the husband has committed adultery against his wife, could quite possibly be bad theology.
And a bad hermeneutic.

How then do you see ἐπ' αὐτήν,
I'm not sure I understand your question(?) The preposition is accusative so, with the personal pronoun, is indicating what comes upon another woman in a scenario such as Jesus is explaining to the disciples. You might find it helpful to check out Thayer's explanation regarding the use of this preposition and its implications.
 
I fully agree.


And a bad hermeneutic.


I'm not sure I understand your question(?) The preposition is accusative so, with the personal pronoun, is indicating what comes upon another woman in a scenario such as Jesus is explaining to the disciples. You might find it helpful to check out Thayer's explanation regarding the use of this preposition and its implications.
That is precisely what I was thinking. Again, that verse appears to me to be a form of a reiteration of what Jesus said in Matt 5:32. If Jesus meant it when He said that whoever divorces his wife except for fornication, causes her to commit adultery, and I believe He did, the question most people today would want answered, is what the woman does that is considered adultery. That is easily answered when you read the last part of that verse, which says that whoever marries her that is divorced, commits adultery with her. His audience understood that. That is why, when the disciples asked Jesus about this, they didn't ask how something that was never considered adultery before, is now considered adultery, but rather, made the observation that it is better not to marry.
 
Another week in Matt 19, and more distortions of the truth to correct! The question was raised whether the disciples were observing that it is better not to marry in the first place, or better not to marry after a divorce. I can't help but think how ridiculous a question that is, because all you have to do is read the next verse where Jesus answers that observation. He wasn't talking about marrying after divorce, because a eunuch is a man who never got married in the first place. The leader tried to claim that the rules for D&R apply both ways. Again, I pointed out to the leader that Scripture never forbids a man whose wife divorces him or commits fornication, from remarrying, and there is no need for a fornication exception, for a wife to divorce her husband. The class leader said, "You and I are going to disagree about this", and he said that we need to take it offline. The disagreement went back and forth for a little while, until someone suggested that we move on to the Rich Young Ruler.

Well, the Rich Young Ruler said that he had kept all of the commandments from the time he was a youth. Of course, the leader said that he would have called the young ruler, a liar, because he is steeped in the "Way of The Master", presentation of the gospel. Of course, WOTM teaches that lust is adultery. I didn't even bring up the fact that the word used in Matt 5:28 is often translated "wife" throughout the New Testament. I simply pointed out that Jesus never said that looking at a man, is adultery. I pointed out that He could have said "man or woman" if that were the case, but the leader tried to claim that Jesus was only speaking to men, and tried to claim that Jesus never really addressed women. He did agree with me that sometimes Jesus did talk directly with women, but his example was the woman at the well, and he tried to pass that off, because this was a one on one conversation. I pointed out that He even addressed women as part of the audience in Mark 10:12, when He said that if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.

I look forward to taking this conversation offline, but I am hoping that he will be honest enough to admit that his argument is not with me, but with the written Word of God. I hope to revisit the polygamy discussion as well, because I want to point out that the "Adam only had one wife" argument, is senseless, and that Solomon's 1,000 wives that led him astray, is an example of argument from the extreme, and that having 2 or three wives, who are not ungodly, will not lead a man astray. If he wants to fall back on the Abraham/Sarah/Hagar argument, I will let him win on that one, but point out that Isaac and Rebekah had problems too, and they were monogamous. Maybe, I will even bring up the fact that Job and Naomi were monogamous as well, at least when calamity struck. He respects my opinion, because he knows that I know Scripture pretty well. I suspect the offline discussion will end with an "I don't know...I will have to look into it further." At that point, I will ask him if he is willing to be honest enough to tell the class that, even though he disagrees with me, he isn't able to refute what I have to say.

I feel great about the opportunity to meet with him online. This is not a situation where he is going to pull out his doctoral credentials, or look down on me, and I do not feel threatened in any way, that our disagreement will lead to expulsion. Our disagreement is not personal, and we get along great with one another. There is a class member who reads from a German Bible and tried to make the point that in his transliteration, it is gender neutral. I responded that it is not gender neutral in the original Greek. He seems to think that his German Bible has more weight than the original Greek. Go figure!
 
You'll get nowhere on polygamy until he comes to terms with his equality assumptions; those are the root problem. Bringing up PM won't help your cause. The problem is, since he is steeped in the worlds viewpoint, non-equality is priori wrong and offensive.

made the observation that it is better not to marry

I've noticed that when people today find a teaching offensive or untenable, they take that as proof positive it can't be true. The reaction of th apostles here to Christ's teaching on marriage shows they also found it untenable. We could go so far as to say if we DON'T have a similar response to a theology on marriage, there is a better than even chance it's wrong.
 
Yeah! I'll probably start off with how his wife seems to think that she is the one who is in charge. Speaking from personal experience, I know that it is hard initially to recognize when my wife is usurping my authority, and someone who has never even thought about how this plays out in real life, or how our wives are doing this, it never occurs to them, that this is wrong. We want to be good husbands, but we confuse being a good husband, with all the ungodly advice that we receive, as a result of that advice creeping into our churches and undermining what Scripture has to say. I have to admit that there are times when I have to tell my wife "No", but internally, I am conflicted. There are times when my wife does what I see some of our "Name it - Claim it" brothers and sisters do with God. It is like they order Him around, rather than petition Him, and I know that the things that she tells me to do, need to get done, so I tend to "go with the flow", rather than point out to her, that she needs to ask me to do so, nicely, much like Scriptures tell us to bring our petitions before the King of kings and Lord of lords. It's really cool though, when I do catch her doing that and correct her, because she is learning over time that doing so, sets a good example for our two boys, and makes her husband much more fond of her as well, and it also eases tension in our home.

I think the polygamy thing is intertwined with the gender specific nature of marriage, and I don't think that there is any way around that. How can it be adultery for a man to remarry, if having two wives was not considered adultery? How can it be adultery for a woman to look upon a man, if she was allowed to be married to a man that already has a wife? How can it be adultery for a man to look at an unmarried woman, if the act of taking a virgin, was not considered adultery? The reason why we can object to the claim that he made in class, that "it goes both ways", is because of the fact that it didn't go both ways in the first place!

The cool thing about arguing from this angle, is that my motives are not called into question. From his perspective, I am not trying to get a second wife for myself, as far as he knows, but rather, I am arguing on behalf of the men in our church, who through no fault of their own, have found themselves divorced, and I am arguing the truth found in Scripture, that a woman is not allowed to have a second husband, while her first husband is still alive. I suspect that the latter argument, is the one that he objects to the most. I suspect that he thinks it is fine for a woman whose husband has cheated on her, to divorce him and marry someone else. He tried to employ the argument that you are allowed to divorce your spouse, if they commit fornication, when Scripture only gives that exception to the husband, who is the only one told that he cannot divorce his wife for any other reason. How ironic that our fellow believers want to call polygyny adultery, but attempt to justify serial polyandry, which is clearly called adultery in Scripture!
 
she is learning over time that doing so, sets a good example for our two boys, and makes her husband much more fond of her as well

Very true. I am convinced that a lot of the behavioral and spiritual problems in the youth are directly tied to the husband-wife not having a Godly relationship.

Speaking from personal experience, I know that it is hard initially to recognize when my wife is usurping my authority, and someone who has never even thought about how this plays out in real life, or how our wives are doing this, it never occurs to them, that this is wrong.

Often they do this unconsciously without malice, which taps into our tendency to want to give them the benefit of the doubt and think the best of them. Bad combination.

I think the polygamy thing is intertwined with the gender specific nature of marriage, and I don't think that there is any way around that. How can it be adultery for a man to remarry, if having two wives was not considered adultery? How can it be adultery for a woman to look upon a man, if she was allowed to be married to a man that already has a wife? How can it be adultery for a man to look at an unmarried woman, if the act of taking a virgin, was not considered adultery? The reason why we can object to the claim that he made in class, that "it goes both ways", is because of the fact that it didn't go both ways in the first place!

This is the key insight that got me over the hump on the NT verses on polygamy; which is to say, the divorce passages. Once I realized the true meaning of adultery and the non-egalitarian nature of the passages, applying these verses to polygamy made no sense whatsoever.

that a woman is not allowed to have a second husband, while her first husband is still alive. I suspect that the latter argument, is the one that he objects to the most. I suspect that he thinks it is fine for a woman whose husband has cheated on her, to divorce him and marry someone else.

That is the standard take. It is a hard thing to overcome. 1) it requires telling women 'no', which church men seem unable to do and 2) means a whole lot of women they might want to marry are not available to them.

How ironic that our fellow believers want to call polygyny adultery, but attempt to justify serial polyandry, which is clearly called adultery in Scripture!

There it is again.. they call good evil and evil good.
 
Back
Top