Who is the subsequent wife?

[his_muse]

I’m a pretty private and introverted person, so I’ve avoided introducing myself or interacting in any way on the forum. However, I have found value in things I’ve read and it’s helped me through the process of transformation that God is still working on in my heart. Here are a few of my scattered thoughts regarding my journey to accepting Biblical polygyny.

Breaking away something that appears irreversibly tempered by time is a slow and difficult process (for me and for my husband). Until I was confronted with it, I hadn’t been aware of the rooted rebellion inside of me. And now I’m clearly seeing how deeply etched the body of Christ has become by slivers of feminism.

Most women are much like the rich man of the parable, unable to let go of their fallen desire that they’ve stored in their treasure chest.


I believed a sneaky lie because it sounded right: Belief that feminism is abhorrent therefore means I was automatically “more submissive” to my husband than others could be to their own husbands if they accepted feminism in any form.


History has a tendency to make its mark, and unfortunately more than once I’ve allowed mine to dictate how I could see the blessing of another wife for my husband as anything but beautiful. I know my struggle isn’t over, it’s obvious to me that I haven’t reached the bottom of that dark well yet. But I’m also very grateful for the God given change that I’ve already accepted within myself.


There definitely is a lingering set of fears that I haven’t fully defined for myself or turned over to God yet.


Maybe I have a fear that she’ll be “better” than me, accepting a husband’s desire for plural marriage far easier than I have? Maybe I have a fear that she’ll allow my insecurities to benefit her? Maybe I have a fear that she’ll want to push me aside to “steal the spotlight”? Maybe I have a fear that she’ll want my husband for herself after experiencing what marriage to him can be? Maybe I have a fear that she’ll actually be someone I could enjoy companionship with? There are so many thoughts churning in my mind that aren’t fully formed and carefully considered.


I most definitely have fear for my husband’s heart. I feel compelled to aggressively protect it.


And here is where I am seeking your assistance: I think I need to try to understand the psyche of a woman who would be a wife to a man already married. How does one put herself in that position? Why would she accept the social stigma? Why doesn’t she reject her attraction knowing a man is married? How does it differ for a woman intentionally seeking plural marriage to a man versus one who finds herself enamored with a married man willing to take another wife?



I feel like I might have just had a bit of a mind vomit moment there, lol, sorry for letting it all loose like that.

 

[julieb]

Welcome! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. They are all important and they will push you down the path to understanding truth and wisdom.

 

[PeteR]

I’m a pretty private and introverted person, so I’ve avoided introducing myself or interacting in any way on the forum. However, I have found value in things I’ve read and it’s helped me through the process of transformation that God is still working on in my heart. Here are a few of my scattered thoughts regarding my journey to accepting Biblical polygyny.

Breaking away something that appears irreversibly tempered by time is a slow and difficult process (for me and for my husband). Until I was confronted with it, I hadn’t been aware of the rooted rebellion inside of me. And now I’m clearly seeing how deeply etched the body of Christ has become by slivers of feminism.

Most women are much like the rich man of the parable, unable to let go of their fallen desire that they’ve stored in their treasure chest.


I believed a sneaky lie because it sounded right: Belief that feminism is abhorrent therefore means I was automatically “more submissive” to my husband than others could be to their own husbands if they accepted feminism in any form.


History has a tendency to make its mark, and unfortunately more than once I’ve allowed mine to dictate how I could see the blessing of another wife for my husband as anything but beautiful. I know my struggle isn’t over, it’s obvious to me that I haven’t reached the bottom of that dark well yet. But I’m also very grateful for the God given change that I’ve already accepted within myself.


There definitely is a lingering set of fears that I haven’t fully defined for myself or turned over to God yet.


Maybe I have a fear that she’ll be “better” than me, accepting a husband’s desire for plural marriage far easier than I have? Maybe I have a fear that she’ll allow my insecurities to benefit her? Maybe I have a fear that she’ll want to push me aside to “steal the spotlight”? Maybe I have a fear that she’ll want my husband for herself after experiencing what marriage to him can be? Maybe I have a fear that she’ll actually be someone I could enjoy companionship with? There are so many thoughts churning in my mind that aren’t fully formed and carefully considered.


I most definitely have fear for my husband’s heart. I feel compelled to aggressively protect it.


And here is where I am seeking your assistance: I think I need to try to understand the psyche of a woman who would be a wife to a man already married. How does one put herself in that position? Why would she accept the social stigma? Why doesn’t she reject her attraction knowing a man is married? How does it differ for a woman intentionally seeking plural marriage to a man versus one who finds herself enamored with a married man willing to take another wife?



I feel like I might have just had a bit of a mind vomit moment there, lol, sorry for letting it all loose like that.

I love your pensive writing style... Looking forward to more introspection as it is fodder for all of us to dig deeper within ourselves and remove the dross while seeking and refining the gold.

Blessings.

 

[Aubrey Jo]

As a second wife I am a woman who is loving, strong, smart and forgiving. I am a mother of four beautiful children. I am hard-working but I enjoy spending my free time loving on my children and doing all that I can to help my family. Relationships are very important to me. And not just within my home, but relationships with my grown siblings and dear friends as well. I am a person who delights in finding little treasures in the scriptures. I have always seen myself as a religious person but have never even in childhood subscribed to a particular church. I'm a woman who has forged her own relationship with God by choice. I have been greatly blessed by God and I desire to share every one of those blessings with those that I love. I'm a caring person that hates to see anyone hurting.

My sister wife is someone who is strong and been through many things. She is loving and works hard to make sure everyone else's day runs smoothly. She also delights in the word of the Lord and spends time in it everyday.

We are both women who put family above all else. We delight in the time that we spend together. We both love our husband with our whole hearts and would never leave him for any reason nor change him in any way. And we are both secure in the fact that he loves us both.

Our husband is a man who does his best to follow the Lord. He does his best to teach his wives and uplift them in following the Lord. And he's a man that teaches his children through his example and his words to do the same. He is hardworking, loving, forgiving and kind. He is intelligent, passionate and is always there to help anyone in need.

Together we all love family and prioritize them first. We love children, and have eight in total. We love spending time together. We choose not to have hobbies outside the family so that we can spend all our time together. All three of us value friendship and love. All three of us are hardworking. All three of us love God and are doing our best to teach our children the same.

As gently put as I can manage. I feel as though you have seen the stairs but have missed the gorgeous Mayan temple at the top with incredible worldly views. Is polygamy easy? No it's not. Is polygamy for everyone? No it's not. Do I find myself jealous at times, angry, hurt or just generally grumpy? Yes I do. I deal with those feelings within myself and with the help of the Lord and I move on. I continue to love my family with all my heart even though they're not perfect. Because I'm not perfect either and they continue to love me with all their hearts. We could not live the life that we have if we were not together.

We abandoned the entire other woman mentality long before we even married. When I married, I married into the family. When we were talking on the phone and dating, My sister wife was involved. We had conversations on our own. We had conversations as a group of three and I had private conversations with my husband to be. We knew each other and loved each other before we ever even meant in person. There was no secrecy. And if she had not approved of me, he would not have gone forward with our relationship. We were all actively seeking polygamy before coming together.

We are one family. I hope it helps. And of course I recommend lots of prayer.

 

[Joleneakamama]

I’m a pretty private and introverted person, so I’ve avoided introducing myself or interacting in any way on the forum. However, I have found value in things I’ve read and it’s helped me through the process of transformation that God is still working on in my heart.

I read and posted very little here for years, for largely the same reason. I always loved knowing that those here were at least somehow interested in the concept of the two or more wife family. I was more positively and personally interested then it seemed most first wives were though, and that made me feel like a bit of a misfit even here.

I believed a sneaky lie because it sounded right: Belief that feminism is abhorrent therefore means I was automatically “more submissive” to my husband than others could be to their own husbands if they accepted feminism in any form.

I ran into problems not taking my husband seriously enough because I did a bit of comparative self evaluation. I also made the mistake of giving myself too much credit for good intentions....even when I failed to prioritize things that mattered to my husband, like having dinner ready at a good and reasonable time.

I feel like I might have just had a bit of a mind vomit moment there, lol, sorry for letting it all loose like that

This is a good place to share! We here are all as real as you are, and want to help if we can.

Most of your "maybe" fears I never had. I hoped that the imagined and hypothetical "she" would be better then me at some things, as I felt that having different strengths and weaknesses might make for a stronger whole.
I didn't fear losing my husband at all. Maybe because I was a mom to three before the idea came up, and I knew one child could never replace or displace another in my heart.
I did wonder if he would be different somehow once he had another love.
I hoped she would be a friend to me and we would be able to understand each other.

Where am I now after a few months of living the imagined life? I wouldn't go back if I could! Maybe that says enough.

 

[cnystrom]

However, I have found value in things I’ve read and it’s helped me through the process of transformation that God is still working on in my heart. Here are a few of my scattered thoughts regarding my journey to accepting Biblical polygyny.

Just a note to say that, as you have found out, the study and challenge of polygamy always seems to bring on personal growth and a closer relationship with the Lord, which in my mind is the best benefit. It forces you to look in the mirror like never before.

 

[serenesprings]

And here is where I am seeking your assistance: I think I need to try to understand the psyche of a woman who would be a wife to a man already married. How does one put herself in that position? Why would she accept the social stigma? Why doesn’t she reject her attraction knowing a man is married? How does it differ for a woman intentionally seeking plural marriage to a man versus one who finds herself enamored with a married man willing to take another wife?

Hello his_muse, my sister wife suggested I reply to your thread, hopefully I can give some insight and understanding in an attempt to open up my psyche here.

Using your questions as prompts, how does one put herself in this position?

Polygyny wasn’t on my radar as a modern lifestyle at all. About a year or two after having my son, a girlfriend of mine from high school asked me if I would ever consider joining a family. With that phrasing, it wasn’t as instant of a negative connotation as “would you be a second wife?”, so I inquired deeper about what she meant. To paraphrase-she talked about some of the benefits of polygyny, the security of being in a functioning family dynamic, job sharing, friendship and understanding with another woman etc. I replied with something along the lines of how I saw that joining a family could be a good thing and that I wouldn’t be completely against something like that.
Fast forward about 4 years to where I met the family that inspired my friend to ask me about polygyny. I had all but forgotten my original nonchalant answer, or really given any weight to that talk for that matter. So after meeting the family, my friends husband would chastise me about being a second which I vehemently said no, I was good enough to be someone’s first wife, why would I stoop to that
I would later find out that my friend had talked to my now family, and at that time my now husband(aka the boss I will refer to him for simplicity going forward) saw me being a single mom among other things without context, as too much of a red flag to consider me. So to clear the air, the context of my relationship with my family was friends and they hired me to work for their business.
The family intrigued me as they were living much the way I aspired to, keeping livestock, gardening, canning, owning a business etc. I started going on estimates with the boss, and we had a lot of time to talk and learn about all we had in common. On bids one day I mentioned how I wished I could have what the boss and my now SW had.. but with my sons father. He asked me if I wanted to get back together with my son’s dad and I said I wished it would work with him.
The boss later called to apologize that he was courting me and that he shouldn’t have been doing that. I felt so torn because I didn’t realize he actually liked me, and I was sad that I had just messed that up. It was confusing because I wanted how we were back, but if I didn’t want to be his second then this was how it should be...

Why would she accept the social stigma?

Socially, being with the father of your child, well you’re supposed to be, that’s what I wanted so badly. A quick background, I was raised without religion at all, and the only relationship advice I got was focus on yourself, don’t get pregnant(aka finish college and be on birth control). It sounds ridiculous now, but I never analyzed who I was with as my future husband.
I was then spending every Saturday with the family, I still really enjoyed all their company and learning things from them, and I felt like I had a lot of catching up to do. I was embarrassed I didn’t know basic things about the Bible, or really anything about relationships and what a good guy is. Needless to say things didn’t work with my sons father, again, so I flipped to the mindset I was going to get it right this time. With all this new knowledge, I was going to find a good man, and the boss was going to vet him for me. Because after all, the boss was the only good man I’d ever known, I would even casually refer to him as such when he came up in conversation with other people. I went on a couple first dates and now had a little bit of discernment...they didn’t measure up to the boss, at all....I started going to church, maybe I would meet a good guy there? Not one approached me. Then I started thinking I’ll just keep waiting and, if I’m still single when I’m 30 maybe I could consider the boss... or maybe if SHTF there wouldn’t be any societal stigma and those who knew me would understand me joining a family...for you know...safety.
About a year after the sorry for courting you call, the boss had heard me telling people on Saturdays I was very much single and he asked me to go hiking. I didn’t want to play with his heart, when I said yes I knew I was going to face the music of societal stigma, but I knew the boss and his wonderful family were more than worth it.

Why doesn’t she reject her attraction to a man that’s already married?

Firstly, my sister wife was very open and positive about wanting someone to join their family. That made it a lot easier to ponder the idea of being with the boss. So it was more my own hesitations that halted things, I tried to reject my attraction to the boss. However, the boss had unwittingly became the standard that I was measuring my nonexistent future socially acceptable man on. When I really thought about that it was ridiculous, coupled with the fact that I could be with the boss, the only thing in the way was my fear of other peoples expectations.
I found that is where I differed from a woman seeking plural marriage, because I was definitely the later, enamored with a man willing to take a second wife. I didn’t want to wait for these unreasonable scenarios that would make it “okay” for me to be with the boss anymore, it was already okay, in fact better than I could have imagined. There was virtually no adjustment for my son when I took the plunge because we already spent so much time with the family it was normal for him. He enjoys having kids to play with, and the daily routines of farm life.
That was one of the biggest things I couldn’t picture was how I was going to have enough time to vet my future husband without my son there, so that by the time my son met him, I knew this man would be a permanent fixture in our lives. The confusion and lack of stability that I had to go through as the child of parents that were twice divorced and perpetually dating was damaging to me, this eliminated those dating aspects I was so worried about doing wrong that could hurt my son.

To conclude, I tried to be concise, quite a bit culminated to this point for me, this is my first post here, there’s a bit of my story.

 

[his_muse]

Hello his_muse, my sister wife suggested I reply to your thread, hopefully I can give some insight and understanding in an attempt to open up my psyche here.

Using your questions as prompts, how does one put herself in this position?

Polygyny wasn’t on my radar as a modern lifestyle at all. About a year or two after having my son, a girlfriend of mine from high school asked me if I would ever consider joining a family. With that phrasing, it wasn’t as instant of a negative connotation as “would you be a second wife?”, so I inquired deeper about what she meant. To paraphrase-she talked about some of the benefits of polygyny, the security of being in a functioning family dynamic, job sharing, friendship and understanding with another woman etc. I replied with something along the lines of how I saw that joining a family could be a good thing and that I wouldn’t be completely against something like that. Fast forward about 4 years to where I met the family that inspired my friend to ask me about polygyny. I had all but forgotten my original nonchalant answer, or really given any weight to that talk for that matter. So after meeting the family, my friends husband would chastise me about being a second which I vehemently said no, I was good enough to be someone’s first wife, why would I stoop to that?I would later find out that my friend had talked to my now family, and at that time my now husband(aka the boss I will refer to him for simplicity going forward) saw me being a single mom among other things without context, as too much of a red flag to consider me. So to clear the air, the context of my relationship with my family was friendly, and later became professional, as they hired me to work for their business. The family intrigued me as they were living much the way I aspired to, keeping livestock, gardening, canning, owning a business etc. I started going on estimates with the boss, and we had a lot of time to talk and learn about all we had in common. On bids one day I mentioned how I wished I could have what the boss and Jolene had.. but with my sons father. He asked me if I wanted to get back together with my son’s dad and I said I wished it would work with him. The boss later called to apologize that he was courting me and that he shouldn’t have been doing that. I felt so torn because I didn’t realize he actually liked me, and I was sad that I had just messed that up. It was confusing because I wanted how we were back, but if I didn’t want to be his second then this was how it should be...

Why would she accept the social stigma?

Socially, being with the father of your child, well you’re supposed to be, that’s what I wanted so badly. A quick background, I was raised without religion at all, and the only relationship advice I got was focus on yourself, don’t get pregnant(aka finish college and be on birth control). It sounds ridiculous now, but I never analyzed who I was with as my future husband. I just kind of accepted those that desired or lusted after me and let it roll. I was then spending every Saturday with the family, I still really enjoyed all their company and learning things from them, and I felt like I had a lot of catching up to do. I was embarrassed I didn’t know basic things about the Bible, or really anything about relationships and what a good guy is. Needless to say things didn’t work with my sons father, again, so I flipped to the mindset I was going to get it right this time. With all this new knowledge, I was going to find a good man, and the boss was going to vet him for me. Because after all, the boss was the only good man I’d ever known, I would even casually refer to him as such when he came up in conversation with other people. I went on a couple first dates and now had a little bit of discernment...they didn’t measure up to the boss, at all....I started going to church, maybe I would meet a good guy there? Not one approached me. Then I started thinking I’ll just keep waiting and, if I’m still single when I’m 30 maybe I could consider the boss... or maybe if SHTF there wouldn’t be any societal stigma and those who knew me would understand me joining a family...for you know...safety. About a year after the sorry for courting you call, the boss had heard me telling people on Saturdays I was very much single and he asked me to go hiking. I didn’t want to play with his heart, when I said yes I knew I was going to face the music of societal stigma, but I knew the boss and his wonderful family were more than worth it.

Why doesn’t she reject her attraction to a man that’s already married?

Firstly, my sister wife was very open and positive about wanting someone to join their family. That made it a lot easier to ponder the idea of being with the boss. So it was more my own hesitations that halted things, I tried to reject my attraction to the boss. However, the boss had unwittingly became the standard that I was measuring my nonexistent future socially acceptable man on. When I really thought about that it was ridiculous, coupled with the fact that I could be with the boss, the only thing in the way was my fear of other peoples expectations. I found that is where I differed from a woman seeking plural marriage, because I was definitely the later, enamored with a man willing to take a second wife. I didn’t want to wait for these unreasonable scenarios that would make it “okay” for me to be with the boss anymore, it was already okay, in fact better than I could have imagined. There was virtually no adjustment for my son when I took the plunge because we already spent so much time with the family it was normal for him. He enjoys having kids to play with, and the daily routines farm life. That was one of the biggest things I couldn’t picture was how I was going to have enough time to vet my future husband without my son there, so that by the time my son met him, I knew this man would be a permanent fixture in our lives. The confusion and lack of stability that I had to go through as the child of parents that were twice divorced and perpetually dating was damaging to me, this eliminated those dating aspects I was so worried about doing wrong that could hurt my son.

To conclude, I tried to be concise, quite a bit culminated to this point for me, this is my first post here, there’s a bit of my story.

Thank you so much for sharing that with me

 

[NickF]

To conclude, I tried to be concise, quite a bit culminated to this point for me, this is my first post here, there’s a bit of my story.

That was wonderful! Thanks so much for sharing! And welcome to Bibfam! It's really like a family to me.

 

[LDremoved]

Welcome! I love your honesty and thought provoking questions.

As someone who is open to joining a plural family, I find it amazing and inspiring that so many first wives can open their minds and hearts enough to allow themselves to even consider the possibility of plural marriage. Many women on here have shared their journey and even as a single/dating woman I find it relatable because it opens my mind to a deeper level of submission to a husband that someone like myself has difficulty accepting at times.

Maybe I have a fear that she’ll be “better” than me, accepting a husband’s desire for plural marriage far easier than I have? Maybe I have a fear that she’ll allow my insecurities to benefit her? Maybe I have a fear that she’ll want to push me aside to “steal the spotlight”? Maybe I have a fear that she’ll want my husband for herself after experiencing what marriage to him can be? Maybe I have a fear that she’ll actually be someone I could enjoy companionship with? There are so many thoughts churning in my mind that aren’t fully formed and carefully considered.


I most definitely have fear for my husband’s heart. I feel compelled to aggressively protect it.

Right now your sister wife is just a fantasy, you haven't met her or interacted with her, you've got every right to feel concerned about who she will be and what her intentions are. It's only natural that you feel these insecurities and are protective of your husband. I think this is why it's so important to build a relationship with your future sister wife, to create a bond and trust with her, this may help ease some of your concerns, when/if the time comes. As a single woman i've come to understand just how important being empathetic and understanding towards a sister wife, particularly a first wife is, thanks to women such as yourself expressing your concerns.

This may be an unpopular opinion on here but it's my opinion nonetheless- Please don't feel rushed or pressured to accept and understand all of your feelings at once. Polygamy is not the only way, it's not the only truth and sometimes people spend too much time fantasizing about what they want instead of enjoying what they have. That isn't meant to discourage you or your husband from polygamy, just to take some pressure off of you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with just taking a step back, working on yourself and your relationship and letting whatever happens, happen.

And here is where I am seeking your assistance: I think I need to try to understand the psyche of a woman who would be a wife to a man already married. How does one put herself in that position

Women such as myself, don't get off on destroying another woman's marriage. We don't just want your husband or a husband, we want you as well- as a friend, as a sister wife and as family member. We desire to contribute to your family to make it better. Your husband won't be the only one gaining a wife, you'll be gaining a friend and someone who loves and supports you as well.

Why doesn’t she reject her attraction knowing a man is married? How does it differ for a woman intentionally seeking plural marriage to a man versus one who finds herself enamored with a married man willing to take another wife?

Honestly I reject my attraction to married men all of the time, I value marriage, family and other woman far too much to ever pursue a married man who is not actively seeking plural marriage with his wife on board. I would get absolutely no satisfaction in breaking up a marriage or family, especially if children were involved. However a couple actively seeking another wife is an entirely different circumstance.

 

[his_muse]

@LovesDogs @serenesprings @Joleneakamama @Aubrey Jo you all have given me some things to ponder and pray about, thank you.

My husband told me that in this thread I’ve just received my antidote. I appreciate everyone’s thoughtful remarks that have given me new things to spend time considering.

I find it fascinating that you all have a common link in that companionship with another wife is highly desirable. Honestly, for me this just isn’t the case (at least as of right now). I don’t crave time with friends in the same way that I see many of my friends expressing. Girls night out or mommy weekends aren’t needs for me. However, my best friend and I have often joked that because life is so busy within a family unit we know the only way we’d ever spend any amount of time together would be to live in the same house. Maybe I need to work on not being so antisocial .

Logically understanding something and practically applying it are two different things. I know that this isn’t going to be easy for me, it’s a lot like God breaking me into pieces to remold them into something new. At one point I said I felt like a piece of safety glass that had shattered but not yet broken apart. My husband told me it was because I hadn’t realized yet the beautiful piece of art that God has always intended for me to be.

 

[phaedrus]

@LovesDogs @serenesprings @Joleneakamama @Aubrey Jo you all have given me some things to ponder and pray about, thank you.

My husband told me that in this thread I’ve just received my antidote. I appreciate everyone’s thoughtful remarks that have given me new things to spend time considering.

I find it fascinating that you all have a common link in that companionship with another wife is highly desirable. Honestly, for me this just isn’t the case (at least as of right now). I don’t crave time with friends in the same way that I see many of my friends expressing. Girls night out or mommy weekends aren’t needs for me. However, my best friend and I have often joked that because life is so busy within a family unit we know the only way we’d ever spend any amount of time together would be to live in the same house. Maybe I need to work on not being so antisocial .

Logically understanding something and practically applying it are two different things. I know that this isn’t going to be easy for me, it’s a lot like God breaking me into pieces to remold them into something new. At one point I said I felt like a piece of safety glass that had shattered but not yet broken apart. My husband told me it was because I hadn’t realized yet the beautiful piece of art that God has always intended for me to be.

You look through the tempered glass on a case full of beautiful of art. You don't look at the glass. You look through it. The glass has function but it goes unnoticed. I just think Yehova is wanting you to be the thing which is admired. He wants you to be the beautiful piece of art, not the glass which protects it. The whole protection thing... that's my job.

 

[Joleneakamama]

I don’t crave time with friends in the same way that I see many of my friends expressing. Girls night out or mommy weekends aren’t needs for me.

I have little interest in getting away from my home and family life at all. I grew up at home with four sisters, but hardly see them now. They invite me to mommy/sister weekends and I feel bad because I'd rather stay home.

However, my best friend and I have often joked that because life is so busy within a family unit we know the only way we’d ever spend any amount of time together would be to live in the same house.

Part of the why I don't care to spend time reconnecting with my sisters. It feels like it would take away from what I need to do at home. Even so, having someone else to be friends with that can share in those sometimes mundane but necessary aspects of family life might just take friendship to another more meaningful level.

Logically understanding something and practically applying it are two different things.

Absolutely! Because that logical half of your brain is interconnected to your emotional half, and the way you feel can exist apart from, and annoyingly independent of, any good reason.

This is where you learn to take every thought captive, or suffer the chaos of letting them run amuck in your heart and mind!

It isn't easy. Start with foundational truths like your husband loves you. If you know and really believe that, put it in a place beyond doubt and then don't ever question it! Next work on practicing "positive assumptions" that interpret his words and actions through that known fact.
Be thankful for what you have....and believe that even uncomfortable changes will be good.
Just suggestions here. Things that have made my internal emotional life easier.

 

[LDremoved]

I find it fascinating that you all have a common link in that companionship with another wife is highly desirable. Honestly, for me this just isn’t the case (at least as of right now). I don’t crave time with friends in the same way that I see many of my friends expressing. Girls night out or mommy weekends aren’t needs for me. However, my best friend and I have often joked that because life is so busy within a family unit we know the only way we’d ever spend any amount of time together would be to live in the same house. Maybe I need to work on not being so antisocial .

Oh I'm antisocial as well, so are my friends, we all work multiple jobs and are too busy with our daily lives, we often fall out of touch with each other for weeks or months at a time, then pick right back up where we left off. We often have the same conversations as you and your best friend as well regarding how it would be easier to just live in the same household so we can actually spend time together. My best friend and I never go to dinners, the movies or have lunches. Our idea of a good time is getting together to chase stray dogs through the swamps at midnight trying to rescue them lol basically anything can be bonding time, including just existing in the same household.

In other words please don't let being antisocial detour you, many of us seeking polygamy are very much the same. Just as you're antisocial with a husband, you can be antisocial with a husband and a sisterwife also, if that makes sense.

Also I'm glad you responded because I really wanted to recommend that you read some of the past threads made by other first wives and the responses from some of the experienced first wives on here, if you haven't already just to see if any of it resonates with you. Wifeofhisyouth also has a blog I guess you'd call it? Where she is posting her experience and it's beautiful.

The fact that you're so open and honest about your concerns is wonderful.

 

[Leslie Pease]

Right now your sister wife is just a fantasy, you haven't met her or interacted with her, you've got every right to feel concerned about who she will be and what her intentions are. It's only natural that you feel these insecurities and are protective of your husband.

Our Lord tells us not to worry (Matthew 6:25-34, Philippians 4:6-7) And its important to remember we do not own our husbands, they own us. In 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 the words for "own" are completely different. We must trust our husbands decisions in what wives they would take. Its not our job to protect them, that means we dont trust their judgement.

Absolutely! Because that logical half of your brain is interconnected to your emotional half, and the way you feel can exist apart from, and annoyingly independent of, any good reason.

This is where you learn to take every thought captive, or suffer the chaos of letting them run amuck in your heart and mind!

I completely agree.

My sister was looking for a godly husband. There were none that measured up to my husband who she was using as her measuring stick. God told me specifically that I needed to be willing to be ok with my husband taking another wife. Her option for the best husband she could imagine was right under our noses, he was right infront of her. The option for godly single men is few, there are many women who dont want to settle for the mediocre, including my sister. A wonderful husband who has a wife or wives is a better option than a crappy husband who has none.

 

[LDremoved]

Our Lord tells us not to worry (Matthew 6:25-34, Philippians 4:6-7) And its important to remember we do not own our husbands, they own us. In 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 the words for "own" are completely different. We must trust our husbands decisions in what wives they would take. Its not our job to protect them, that means we dont trust their judgement.

Definitely, I think that's something that she and women in general should work towards. However that's a process, she's learning and being honest about her concerns at the present. The "what if" is a very natural emotion in my opinion. Sometimes working through those concerns with someone will make you closer and more trusting of them

 

[LDremoved]

Our Lord tells us not to worry (Matthew 6:25-34, Philippians 4:6-7) And its important to remember we do not own our husbands, they own us. In 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 the words for "own" are completely different. We must trust our husbands decisions in what wives they would take. Its not our job to protect them, that means we dont trust their judgement.


I completely agree.

My sister was looking for a godly husband. There were none that measured up to my husband who she was using as her measuring stick. God told me specifically that I needed to be willing to be ok with my husband taking another wife. Her option for the best husband she could imagine was right under our noses, he was right infront of her. The option for godly single men is few, there are many women who dont want to settle for the mediocre, including my sister. A wonderful husband who has a wife or wives is a better option than a crappy husband who has none.

Her option for the best husband she could imagine was right under our noses, he was right infront of her

My nosey self just has to ask this, if that's ok? How did this conversation come up? Was Polygamy something the three of you had discussed prior to this at all, before or while she was seeking a husband or was it just a revelation one day?

 

[Leslie Pease]

We all had understood for a little while that polygyny was not a sin but never wanted to enter into it. It wasnt even on our radar for my sister to join our family unit permanently. It started by my husband had been acting more thoughtful towards my sister for a week or 2.. Like how a man would treat a girl he wanted to date and I noticed right away. I talked to him about my concerns and the next day is when God told me I had to be willing to be ok with James taking another wife. My husband said that he wasnt interested in taking another wife as he still didnt really understand the feelings that he was having for my sister. The next day after that God told me to tell James that he had to be willing to take another wife if He told him to. When he got home from work that day he told me about his feelings for my sister that he still was trying to understand himself. After that for days we talked about how it would all work and he said that he wouldn't marry her if I didnt want him to. Knowing that he was the best husband and man I'd ever known I knew that he would be the best husband that she could ever get.. There just arent men like him around. And I had great faith in his abilities to make polygyny work in our family because he makes anything work that he puts his mind to. So I told him yes and he talked to Lara, told her what had been going on, and asked her if she would marry him. She said she knew the next day that she would say yes, but she took a few days to answer him because she had to wrap her head around it. She knew it was an amazing opportunity that God had given her to have the husband that she had always dreamed of having...things like this dont just happen lol. So thats how it got brought up for us.

Definitely, I think that's something that she and women in general should work towards. However that's a process, she's learning and being honest about her concerns at the present. The "what if" is a very natural emotion in my opinion. Sometimes working through those concerns with someone will make you closer and more trusting of them

I understand the feelings she is having very well, believe me. When I said yes to my husbands and my sisters relationship going thru it was because of care for my husband and my sister and obedience to God but I still had a ways to go in trusting God that his plan was the best for my life. I had my husband pushing me to follow what the bible says, part of that was not worrying. If he had just told me that my feelings were valid and that it was ok to feel that way then I would still be stuck where I was, in mistrust and self-pity. I know what it is like to be in that spot and to be out of it so I push women to follow and trust the Lord NOW, not later. I'm not trying to be unloving, I see what I'm saying as being very loving cuz it sucks to worry and it sucks to not trust God.

 

[LDremoved]

We all had understood for a little while that polygyny was not a sin but never wanted to enter into it. It wasnt even on our radar for my sister to join our family unit permanently. It started by my husband had been acting more thoughtful towards my sister for a week or 2.. Like how a man would treat a girl he wanted to date and I noticed right away. I talked to him about my concerns and the next day is when God told me I had to be willing to be ok with James taking another wife. My husband said that he wasnt interested in taking another wife as he still didnt really understand the feelings that he was having for my sister. The next day after that God told me to tell James that he had to be willing to take another wife if He told him to. When he got home from work that day he told me about his feelings for my sister that he still was trying to understand himself. After that for days we talked about how it would all work and he said that he wouldn't marry her if I didnt want him to. Knowing that he was the best husband and man I'd ever known I knew that he would be the best husband that she could ever get.. There just arent men like him around. And I had great faith in his abilities to make polygyny work in our family because he makes anything work that he puts his mind to. So I told him yes and he talked to Lara, told her what had been going on, and asked her if she would marry him. She said she knew the next day that she would say yes, but she took a few days to answer him because she had to wrap her head around it. She knew it was an amazing opportunity that God had given her to have the husband that she had always dreamed of having...things like this dont just happen lol. So thats how it got brought up for us.


I understand the feelings she is having very well, believe me. When I said yes to my husbands and my sisters relationship going thru it was because of care for my husband and my sister and obedience to God but I still had a ways to go in trusting God that his plan was the best for my life. I had my husband pushing me to follow what the bible says, part of that was not worrying. If he had just told me that my feelings were valid and that it was ok to feel that way then I would still be stuck where I was, in mistrust and self-pity. I know what it is like to be in that spot and to be out of it so I push women to follow and trust the Lord NOW, not later. I'm not trying to be unloving, I see what I'm saying as being very loving cuz it sucks to worry and it sucks to not trust God.

Thank you for sharing that.

Also I didn't mean to imply that your comment was unloving, if I did I apologize. I just meant to explain that everything is a process which I'm sure you know very well lol. I'm also guilty of overthinking but I definitely agree with you.

 

[Joleneakamama]

I know what it is like to be in that spot and to be out of it so I push women to follow and trust the Lord NOW, not later. I'm not trying to be unloving, I see what I'm saying as being very loving cuz it sucks to worry and it sucks to not trust God.

Well said! This is so very true.

Whether about marriage or just life, worry and fear are hell on earth.