Lol I guess I'm just used to people thinking that I'm not being loving by not babying people's feelings.
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Who is the subsequent wife?
- Thread starter his_muse
- Start date
@Leslie Pease I appreciate you sharing your insight and personal experience.
I would like to ask you to consider something regarding protecting your husband. Perhaps it’s not a matter of the descriptor (as an adjective or definite article) relating to possession and possessor that should be considered; but rather the verb of Mark 12:31.
“The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”
To love is above all else. Love your neighbor. Love brothers and sisters in Christ. We must love our husbands. One beautiful example of love is Mark 14:47.
“And a certain one of those standing by, having drawn the sword, struck the servant of the high priest and cut off his ear.”
Simon Peter loved Yeshua, he loved him so much (and clearly trusted his judgement) that he felt duty-bound to defend and protect him.
And John 15:13 says:
“Greater love has no one than this, that one should lay down his life for his friends.”
After 21 years of marriage I certainly consider my love for my husband to be valuable enough to feel duty-bound to him, and that includes defending and protecting him.
The noble wife of Proverbs, that so many wish to emulate, does her husband good and not harm (defends him from harm), watches over the affairs of her household (protects him in being responsible for the household that represents her husband’s affairs), and is praised by her husband for having done many noble things and fearing the Lord (those actions done because of love).
I would like to ask you to consider something regarding protecting your husband. Perhaps it’s not a matter of the descriptor (as an adjective or definite article) relating to possession and possessor that should be considered; but rather the verb of Mark 12:31.
“The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”
To love is above all else. Love your neighbor. Love brothers and sisters in Christ. We must love our husbands. One beautiful example of love is Mark 14:47.
“And a certain one of those standing by, having drawn the sword, struck the servant of the high priest and cut off his ear.”
Simon Peter loved Yeshua, he loved him so much (and clearly trusted his judgement) that he felt duty-bound to defend and protect him.
And John 15:13 says:
“Greater love has no one than this, that one should lay down his life for his friends.”
After 21 years of marriage I certainly consider my love for my husband to be valuable enough to feel duty-bound to him, and that includes defending and protecting him.
The noble wife of Proverbs, that so many wish to emulate, does her husband good and not harm (defends him from harm), watches over the affairs of her household (protects him in being responsible for the household that represents her husband’s affairs), and is praised by her husband for having done many noble things and fearing the Lord (those actions done because of love).
You are reading way too far into some of these verses.
While this is a wonderful concept I would ask you to apply your logic consistently. If you are using this to describe your behavior and relationship towards your husband, then I must ask if you go to every neighbor you have and protect them from marrying a "wrong" woman as well. Do you go to every neighbor and help them with every detail of their life? If your husband has asked you to help him, then you may give him advice and your view. You are not his defender though. I am not Christ's defender for He does not need my help. If your husband is pursuing a relationship you are not ok with, you are not to oversee this process. He may ask you and that's great, but he may not and that's Yah's order that He has put in place.
The Matthew rendering may help your understanding.
Matthew 26
51And lo, one of those with Jesus, having stretched forth the hand, drew his sword, and having struck the servant of the chief priest, he took off his ear.
52¶Then saith Jesus to him, 'Turn back thy sword to its place; for all who did take the sword, by the sword shall perish;
53dost thou think that I am not able now to call upon my Father, and He will place beside me more than twelve legions of messengers?
54how then may the Writings be fulfilled, that thus it behoveth to happen?'
Jesus rebukes Peter for his well meaning action. He basically said "Peter, I dont need your help, my head(my Father) has me taken care of. This is the same in your relationship. The Messiah will defend your husband. Peter's well meaning action stands contrary to the will of the Father and The Messiah.
You are very valuable to your husband. And once again, if he asks for your advice/help that is wonderful. However scripture does not define you as a defender of your husband, often times a well meaning defender can overstep their boundaries. For example Peter in the passage you quoted.
I agree that a noble wife does no harm, that does not mean protects from harm. If you husband is sent to war by Abba, you do not go before him to protect him, his head does, The Messiah. A well meaning woman will very easily, as the weaker vessel, bring emotions into an important decision. You are a great asset to your husband when you operate in your called position. Your husband needs no defense but from his head. I am glad to see that you have such a caring heart for your husband, but I caution you to understand what happened to Peter when he thought that The Messiah needed his help. Shalom.
Another well meaning moment by Peter
Matthew 16
21¶From that time began Jesus to shew to his disciples that it is necessary for him to go away to Jerusalem, and to suffer many things from the elders, and chief priests, and scribes, and to be put to death, and the third day to rise.
22¶And having taken him aside, Peter began to rebuke him, saying, 'Be kind to thyself, sir; this shall not be to thee;'
23¶and he having turned, said to Peter, 'Get thee behind me, adversary! thou art a stumbling-block to me, for thou dost not mind the things of God, but the things of men.'
Matthew 16
21¶From that time began Jesus to shew to his disciples that it is necessary for him to go away to Jerusalem, and to suffer many things from the elders, and chief priests, and scribes, and to be put to death, and the third day to rise.
22¶And having taken him aside, Peter began to rebuke him, saying, 'Be kind to thyself, sir; this shall not be to thee;'
23¶and he having turned, said to Peter, 'Get thee behind me, adversary! thou art a stumbling-block to me, for thou dost not mind the things of God, but the things of men.'
I agree with Windblown and my husband. I think that a study into the positions of a husband and wife would be very beneficial for you to understand the duties of your husband and yourself.
I really appreciate your willingness to look at other people's perspectives @his_muse
A good commander's people will gladly protect him... die for him if necessary. It's called loyalty, respect and love. If the commander tells them to stop protecting him and they don't... that's a different story IMO. Yeshua told Peter to stop and he did. Peter was a hot head... lol. Yeshua loved him dearly. Anyone who's led people IRL values the opinions and perspectives of those they lead--especially their command level staff. Leadership is a balancing act though. Sometimes you have to put people in harms way--including yourself. On the flip side, not looking out for your leader is called being a poor follower. Poor followers make poor leaders.
Since this is my wife who posted this, I can say that I don't mind in the least that she's looking out for me. When I tell her that I hear her but we're doing what I'm saying anyway, she snaps to. She's my deputy commander. Quite literally that's how we met, I was the commander and she was my DC. More than most married couples, we understand the chain of command. It was the literal foundation of our relationship.
I don't want to put words in her mouth but I think she's simply voicing her internal dialogue which I think some of you are critiquing to a level that sounds like you've lost the plot. She's sharing her internal struggles. She's never once said that she would allow her feelings to impede my decisions--that's what some of you have assumed... it's not what she said. The truth is that she's the most logical woman I've ever met. She knows when to pack it away and focus on the objective despite her feelings.
To be clear, she's not trying to stop me from taking a second wife. In fact, today, she was texting a gal I met IRL whom I've kind of become smitten with--encouraging her to have a closer relationship with me. Not the actions of someone who is using her emotions as an excuse to undermine my authority. She's also not a broken mule afraid of her master--which I actually appreciate. I want her mind. I want her opinions. I value her input. Frequently I take her thoughts into account, alter plans to implement a better solution, and sometimes I don't. You know... leadership. lol.
Since this is my wife who posted this, I can say that I don't mind in the least that she's looking out for me. When I tell her that I hear her but we're doing what I'm saying anyway, she snaps to. She's my deputy commander. Quite literally that's how we met, I was the commander and she was my DC. More than most married couples, we understand the chain of command. It was the literal foundation of our relationship.
I don't want to put words in her mouth but I think she's simply voicing her internal dialogue which I think some of you are critiquing to a level that sounds like you've lost the plot. She's sharing her internal struggles. She's never once said that she would allow her feelings to impede my decisions--that's what some of you have assumed... it's not what she said. The truth is that she's the most logical woman I've ever met. She knows when to pack it away and focus on the objective despite her feelings.
To be clear, she's not trying to stop me from taking a second wife. In fact, today, she was texting a gal I met IRL whom I've kind of become smitten with--encouraging her to have a closer relationship with me. Not the actions of someone who is using her emotions as an excuse to undermine my authority. She's also not a broken mule afraid of her master--which I actually appreciate. I want her mind. I want her opinions. I value her input. Frequently I take her thoughts into account, alter plans to implement a better solution, and sometimes I don't. You know... leadership. lol.
This may be another of those written exchanges where the inability to hear the tone of voice and see the facial expressions hinders our perception of what is truly being communicated. It can be challenging with just reading the words typed and especially with all our different social and cultural backgrounds influencing our understanding. Trying to think well of what people have written helps. Blessings and Shalom
I should add that I know the feeling. A loyal hot head who wants to destroy anything that threatens you as a leader is an endearing trait. Even though it is frequently misguided, sometimes annoying, and needs frequent course corrections to function properly.
Something I don't often see in the discussions on polygyny and 2nd wives, is the idea that for a woman, being a 2nd wife is far more of a pragmatic, logical, and sensible choice to make, with the right mindset. Most folks (women mainly) describe it as "settling" by not being a "1st wife"... The problem with that presupposition is that you assume being a 1st wife is even on the table as a certainty. The numbers are stacked against women, not in their favor.
It is a massive risk to be a 1st wife to an unproven man. The odds are not good as far as how that marriage will turn out.
A woman who:
1) can see how the man treats his 1st wife (and how she respects/reveres him)
2) can see how the man treats his children (If they have children, and how they respect him/behave)
3) can see how he runs his "ship" (house/business/etc)
4) can see he has zero interest in abandoning his covenant with his first to replace her with anyone
...can clearly asses the value of that man as a husband/cover/provider/covenant keeper. That is an exponentially less risky proposition than a man that she can see none of that with in choosing to be a first wife. I would argue the benefits far outweigh any perceived "downsides" to not being the 1st wife.
The issue currently is that most women, while that assessment seems simply makes sense from an instinctual perspective, they believe that the only option replace the first wife, rather than join the family. It is far more common for a woman to be enamored with a married man (I think mostly for the reasons above) than to find one actively seeking to join a family, but I think the instincts driving both of them are roughly the same.
Also, if that man is willing to break his covenant to replace the 1st wife, the 2nd woman probably should re-assess the situation entirely... but that doesn't seem to register in all the cases where he does.
Welcome to the forum @DustinM!
I really believe that the easy divorce and monogamy only destroys the motivation and foundation of family based society. ... and leads to all the evils we currently see.
This may be more true now then when I met my husband almost 26 years ago. I didn't feel like I was taking a massive risk, as he was very straight forward and I fully believed him to be a man on integrity, and the answer to prayer I had been waiting for.
This is very true, and probably very common. The sad thing is most women restrict their feelings to being a secret crush, one they may even feel guilt over because of the wrong unisex application of new testament verses about lust equaling adultery. They may know someone that is everything they hope to find in a husband and father, and all their false christian values will let them do is hope against all odds they can find one like him.
That is why I long liked the Bailey and the Boys song "She Deserves You." A man who will abandon his wife, and allow his heart to be taken by a new woman....will likely abandon her too when a better option is available.
I really believe that the easy divorce and monogamy only destroys the motivation and foundation of family based society. ... and leads to all the evils we currently see.
Indeed. That's the whole agenda of the world/satanic system. Divide and conquer has always been a successful strategy. No need to change it now.
Thank you! been reading for a few months, happy to start contributing where I can.
Indeed, along with abandoning the value of pre-marital chastity/virginity, and we call it monogamy-only, but it's really just serial monogamy, one wife/husband at a time.
And so far nobody has succeeded in ruling Earth because ruling people practice division between themselves.
More like fractured polygyny that often causes adultery.
The irony is now that my husband has a second wife, as in commited and expecting to stay together for life, he gets criticized by people that profess monogamy, but have had more "relationships" (read sex, with and without marriage/commitment) then he has had. What we had was truly monogamy, what we have now is just as commited and just as beautiful, but it includes another.
I have had several women tell me that their husband loving someone else would destroy their marriage/relationship with their husband. *shrugs* I never felt that threatened.
Shalom and welcome. Glad to have you on the forum. Please be sure to start a thread in Introductions and tell is a little about your journey so we can welcome you properly!
By which they mean they'd no longer have power and control over him and that is unacceptable.
Probably some truth there.
You spelled *absolute truth* wrong
It always comes down to “If I’m not allowed to be right most of the time, it is provable that he isn’t partnering properly”,
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