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Who is the subsequent wife?

DustinM said:
Something I don't often see in the discussions on polygyny and 2nd wives, is the idea that for a woman, being a 2nd wife is far more of a pragmatic, logical, and sensible choice to make, with the right mindset. Most folks (women mainly) describe it as "settling" by not being a "1st wife"... The problem with that presupposition is that you assume being a 1st wife is even on the table as a certainty. The numbers are stacked against women, not in their favor.

It is a massive risk to be a 1st wife to an unproven man. The odds are not good as far as how that marriage will turn out.

A woman who:
1) can see how the man treats his 1st wife (and how she respects/reveres him)
2) can see how the man treats his children (If they have children, and how they respect him/behave)
3) can see how he runs his "ship" (house/business/etc)
4) can see he has zero interest in abandoning his covenant with his first to replace her with anyone

...can clearly asses the value of that man as a husband/cover/provider/covenant keeper. That is an exponentially less risky proposition than a man that she can see none of that with in choosing to be a first wife. I would argue the benefits far outweigh any perceived "downsides" to not being the 1st wife.

The issue currently is that most women, while that assessment seems simply makes sense from an instinctual perspective, they believe that the only option replace the first wife, rather than join the family. It is far more common for a woman to be enamored with a married man (I think mostly for the reasons above) than to find one actively seeking to join a family, but I think the instincts driving both of them are roughly the same.

Also, if that man is willing to break his covenant to replace the 1st wife, the 2nd woman probably should re-assess the situation entirely... but that doesn't seem to register in all the cases where he does.
Click to expand...

This is exactly what my sister got to see before my husband proposed marriage to her. She got to see what he was like as a husband, a father, what kind of provider he was, his character at home each and every day, and even more important-how much his heart was to serve God. She didn't want to "just guess" about who she was committing to serving for the rest of her life so she was entirely willing to wait as long as it took for God to bring her the right man...we all just didn't think it would be her sister's husband hahaha
 
It's such a comfort to read all of your stories and reflect on the similarities to ours. I loved my best friend and knew her past hurt and present spiritual and emotional needs. I also knew that I didn't trust anyone else in the world to love her like my husband could.

There's been a lot of pain, misunderstanding, and growth these past three years, but now none of us ever wants to be without the others. God has made us into an equation together. His love is the coefficient to each of us and keeps us in balance, as we each seek His guidance.

I'm thankful to God for our husband and for our life together.
 
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