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Will a man change his mind about polygyny?

"Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that." - 1 Cor 7:7

No, for some men they will never be able to turn it off any more than they could force themselves to be a eunuch for the Kingdom.
 
southernphotini said:
I needed to read this. I’m praying for a husband and sister-wife, and it feels weird praying for another woman’s husband. But I want it the right way, so hopefully God will shed His love and mercy on us all.
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This is beautiful. May Yah give you patience and understanding as He works in the hearts of the husband and the existing wife. I'll be praying for all three of you!

Patience.. Trust Yah!
 
southernphotini said:
I guess I’m curious that if a man expresses interest in this, but says he will abandon interest for the sake of an existing wife, is it reasonable for her to expect that he will not be interested going forward?

In We Want For Our Sisters What We Want For Ourselves the depiction tends to be more that this is an innate desire and immutable characteristic harnessed for the glory of God. But that book focuses on African American culture. I’m wondering if it’s more broadly true across cultures?
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No, its not reality. He can lie to her, he can lie to himself. What's gonna happen is he's going to make himself miserable being imprisoned in monogamy and grow to resent her. Or he's gonna cave to his impulses and sneak around little emotional connections on the side to fulfill the longing he promised not to be interested in any more. It will end disastrously regardless because a man is not designed to be ruled over by a woman. And she is ruling and dominating.

Her desire should be unto him, but instead his desire is unto her, which is unnatural.
 
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bro. Dexter for YAH said:
Her desire should be unto him, but instead his desire is unto her, which is unnatural.
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There’s a private heartbreak this speaks to today. I don’t want to think badly of anyone but you do assume that if you both love the same man that you both want the best for him. That isn’t always the case.
 
I think a lot of first wives hope that a husband’s desire for another woman will magically disappear and he is only focused on her alone again.
But that is not in his nature. Like if a woman were told she could only have one child, then upped to two, then once she was looking forward to the possibility of a second child was told she could actually only have one. I don’t think she would ever stop dreaming of what life may be like with more children.
I’ve recognized that once my husband understood he could marry more women, until the day he dies, he will naturally have his eyes open to the possibility. If he doesn’t take another wife anytime soon, I understand, even into our old age, he may still be looking and open to another lady if God brings her his way.
 
MemeFan said:
Some women define best for her man as him having only me.
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Sometimes at the expense of time with children, grandchildren, friends….
 
southernphotini said:
There’s a private heartbreak this speaks to today. I don’t want to think badly of anyone but you do assume that if you both love the same man that you both want the best for him. That isn’t always the case.
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We feel for you sister. The power of Yah is present to heal, and Jesus desires healing for all those who come unto him with faith to believe. Peace be unto you
 
I am looking at who I am. In my past I would analyze and over think everything. I am learning it is better for me to just be myself and trust God. I can pray for wives. But my past approach of overthinking and analyzing on why a lady was not interested has resulted in nothing beneficial instead it has resulted in heart ache and troubles. Now it is God who will bring the right wives into my life so I wait patiently. I have learned being still and silent is a gift to trust God
 
If you don't mind me asking @southernphotini, just to gain your perspective and to understand other women. I ask purely for the sake of knowledge.

Why do you desire to be with this man, who has a wife? Is it because you love him and he is just that special to you? Is how you feel about him worth putting up with the grief, especially in the beginning stages, and with what some call "sharing" a man?

I've learned these things in the last 6 months, and would love to know the 'joining' woman's view on things.
 
b_ce said:
Why do you desire to be with this man, who has a wife? Is it because you love him and he is just that special to you? Is how you feel about him worth putting up with the grief, especially in the beginning stages, and with what some call "sharing" a man?
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Good question.

I love this particular man. He has a big heart, he’s intelligent, funny, kind, and most importantly he’s the most forgiving man I have ever known.

When we met he made it clear very quickly that monogamy was not his intention. So I had a long time to think and come to terms with the idea. Unfortunately, I thought his wife had a similar understanding of his desires for the future.

I’m admittedly a long-time fan of Sister Wives. Obviously reality tv but I had no illusions this was an easy thing to do.

I have been single for a very long time. I have horrible dating stories. And so when I met a genuinely good man who honestly liked who I am, then I was content to accept part of him rather than all of an abusive or week man.

Of course, the difficult part was the relationship with the wife. I believe she’s a good person but I think she’s been blindsided. Which is entirely his fault. I have tried to reach out to her and been rejected three times, so I’m backing away.

So a polygynous marriage is not something I would seek. It’s difficult because it’s more relationships. But when you love someone and you genuinely see a happy future with this person then it all seems possible as long as everyone is willing to try and give grace.

Dating today is really horrendous. And married women love to complain to me about their husbands, and sometimes I am tempted to quip that I’d gladly take them off their hands.

There are many single women who look at married men who treat their wives well and wish they had a guy like that. I honestly think if it was culturally acceptable you would see more polygamy. Good men are incredibly hard to find right now.

And as far as “grief” in sharing a man? When a single man tells you at 8 am that he can’t have lunch with you later because he hasn’t showered… Seeing a good man once every few days and knowing he’s treating his other wives well, I see no grief in that. All relationships are hard. The question is the man worth the work?
 
Also, as a divorced woman, it’s actually nice to think of sharing the responsibility of a man with someone. I enjoy a quiet night to myself now and then.
 
We hope it works out for you. He will need to take the lead on discussions his wife. She may soften her view in time. Is he working on that now?
 
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