3 Questions From Real Life | Marriage Divorce Remarriage

[JudahYAHites]

(EXCUSE ME IF THESE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ADDRESSED ELSEWHERE)

I have found this situation to be an ever increasing normality...

1. If a man introduces a second wife after entering into a traditional state monogamous marriage that is instituted under the law of bigamy, are the mans actions righteous or not?

2. Is the woman justified to feel hurt and leave the marriage after coming under a mans covenant of a monogamous marriage?

3. If afterwards the woman realizes that polygyny is biblical and righteous but for whatever reason being reconciled to her previous husband is not possible, can she remarry another?

 

[B4DWrath]

(EXCUSE ME IF THESE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ADDRESSED ELSEWHERE)

I have found this situation to be an ever increasing normality...

1. If a man introduces a second wife after entering into a traditional state monogamous marriage that is instituted under the law of bigamy, are the mans actions righteous or not?

2. Is the woman justified to feel hurt and leave the marriage after coming under a mans covenant of a monogamous marriage?

3. If afterwards the woman realizes that polygyny is biblical and righteous but for whatever reason being reconciled to her previous husband is not possible, can she remarry another?

I can't answer all your questions, but if you used the traditional vow of "forsaking all others", that kind of puts you in a bind, and her feeling betrayed seems justified.

 

[steve]

3. If afterwards the woman realizes that polygyny is biblical and righteous but for whatever reason being reconciled to her previous husband is not possible, can she remarry another?

Legalisticly applying certain verses would lead one to believe that she cannot.
I believe that the greater principle, if she truly cannot reconcile, is that she be under another’s covering.

 

[steve]

1. If a man introduces a second wife after entering into a traditional state monogamous marriage that is instituted under the law of bigamy, are the mans actions righteous or not?

The first question, as @B4DWrath already addressed, would be the vows made.

Secondly, if he hasn’t already gotten his present wife up to speed, he’s got some work to do first. If she is in rebellion, that’s a horse of a different color.

 

[NBTX11]

I can't answer all your questions, but if you used the traditional vow of "forsaking all others", that kind of puts you in a bind, and her feeling betrayed seems justified.

That’s a bad vow that should have never been made, but it’s also a common one that men make before they knew the truth about polygyny. If he intends to marry another wife, he should educate his first wife and then ask her to release him from this vow. My opinion.

 

[MemeFan]

1. If a man introduces a second wife after entering into a traditional state monogamous marriage that is instituted under the law of bigamy, are the mans actions righteous or not?

Yes. Lord's law is above human's laws.

2. Is the woman justified to feel hurt and leave the marriage after coming under a mans covenant of a monogamous marriage?

No, although her reaction is justified. She was, depending on details, cheated.

3. If afterwards the woman realizes that polygyny is biblical and righteous but for whatever reason being reconciled to her previous husband is not possible, can she remarry another?

Yes. Marriage is already dead.

 

[NS4Liberty]

1. If a man introduces a second wife after entering into a traditional state monogamous marriage that is instituted under the law of bigamy, are the mans actions righteous or not?

1. The story of Jephthah in Judges 11 seems to show even unwise vows must be kept. In American contract law, a contract can be rendered void by mutual mistake of the parties, but I would not apply American law contract principles to biblical law matters.

2. Is the woman justified to feel hurt and leave the marriage after coming under a mans covenant of a monogamous marriage?

2. She is justified to feel hurt, but I don't see breaking of the vow of monogamy as a reason for divorce in scripture.

3. If afterwards the woman realizes that polygyny is biblical and righteous but for whatever reason being reconciled to her previous husband is not possible, can she remarry another?

3. A woman who initiated divorce and then has second thoughts is not a situation I know of in scripture. Based on what Jesus said about putting away, an unlawful divorce doesn't actually end the marriage and so any sexual relation the woman has afterward is adultery. That is why it was treacherous to unlawfully put away your wife. Here we have a wife who essentially put herself away. I think the marriage is still in effect and therefore she cannot remarry. It could be argued that the husband not reconciling with his wife violates her rights as a wife in Exodus 21 and she is free to remarry. Since she initiated the separation, I don't know if that holds up to scrutiny, but it could be argued.

 

[Mark C]

3. If afterwards the woman [fill-in-the-blank] - can she remarry another?

As always, if she has a 'get', "certificate of divorce," sefer keretutah, from her now ex-husband, then sure.
Otherwise, no - she HAS a 'living husband.'

 

[The Revolting Man]

Legalisticly applying certain verses would lead one to believe that she cannot.
I believe that the greater principle, if she truly cannot reconcile, is that she be under another’s covering.

I think if the woman leaves then she’s free to return. It’s when the man puts her away and she goes to another man that she can’t come back.

 

[steve]

I think if the woman leaves then she’s free to return. It’s when the man puts her away and she goes to another man that she can’t come back.

The question was whether or not she could remarry.
Some say never, no matter the circumstances.
I say that it is ok in some circumstances. A ghet being optimum.

 

[Joleneakamama]

Years ago a friend of mine had her husband file for divorce. In my opinion she was free to remarry from the day he filed. No he didn't put it in her hand... but his intent became a matter of public record. Should she have to wait for years to move on? While he keeps right on doing what he wants with anyone willing? It's going on 7 years now and thanks to his total lack of cooperation the divorce still isn't final!

I see that law of YHWH's as protecting a husband who's wife might be having a hard time from men moving in on her if she is not under his roof. This too is asuming the man wants her and will take her back.
If, on the other hand, the man is neglecting his responsibilities (and many now days do) and she is without food clothing and marital relations what right does he have to call himself her husband??

Most men neglecting a woman have moved on to others. It seems to do severe damage to the spirit of the law to hold her to a contract the man sometimes never intended.....or never made good on. That's just a bit like stoning the woman taken in adultery. What about the man?

 

[Sophia]

1. The story of Jephthah in Judges 11 seems to show even unwise vows must be kept. In American contract law, a contract can be rendered void by mutual mistake of the parties, but I would not apply American law contract principles to biblical law matters.

2. She is justified to feel hurt, but I don't see breaking of the vow of monogamy as a reason for divorce in scripture.

3. A woman who initiated divorce and then has second thoughts is not a situation I know of in scripture. Based on what Jesus said about putting away, an unlawful divorce doesn't actually end the marriage and so any sexual relation the woman has afterward is adultery. That is why it was treacherous to unlawfully put away your wife. Here we have a wife who essentially put herself away. I think the marriage is still in effect and therefore she cannot remarry. It could be argued that the husband not reconciling with his wife violates her rights as a wife in Exodus 21 and she is free to remarry. Since she initiated the separation, I don't know if that holds up to scrutiny, but it could be argued.

Omg that last part is brutal. Do I really can't remarry?

 

[B4DWrath]

Omg that last part is brutal. Do I really can't remarry?

My heart exploded with you on that one. Do I recall correctly that you attempted reconcilation, but he refused? I cannot imagine a woman being left out in the cold like that, after attempting to reconcile. Maybe @NS4Liberty knows of exceptions?

 

[Joleneakamama]

My heart exploded with you on that one. Do I recall correctly that you attempted reconcilation, but he refused? I cannot imagine a woman being left out in the cold like that, after attempting to reconcile. Maybe @NS4Liberty knows of exceptions?

Is her "husband" providing food clothing and marital relations?

A man that does not provide for his own has denied the faith and is worse then an infidel.

He is not claiming to be her husband. He doesn't want her back.

Who holds men to providing for women they don't want?? Why would a woman be bound to a man who doesn't want her....told her only option is to go back......but Runaway slaves are not to be returned?

 

[B4DWrath]

Is her "husband" providing food clothing and marital relations?

A man that does not provide for his own has denied the faith and is worse then an infidel.

He is not claiming to be her husband. He doesn't want her back.

Who holds men to providing for women they don't want?? Why would a woman be bound to a man who doesn't want her....told her only option is to go back......but Runaway slaves are not to be returned?

Agreed. I was hoping @NS4Liberty would expand on that 2nd to last sentence: "It could be argued that the husband not reconciling with his wife violates her rights as a wife in Exodus 21 and she is free to remarry."

 

[NBTX11]

Could it be said that due to the fact he refuses to reconcile, take her back, and provide for her means that in essence he put her away (divorced her), without putting a written divorcement in her hand?

 

[OttoM]

Omg that last part is brutal. Do I really can't remarry?

Did she have sexual relations with any man after she divorced him? If yes - then it would be an abomination for her husband to take her back. But if she didn’t have sex with any other man - he has an option to take her back. If he doesn’t want to take her back - then it becomes a tougher situation. Because Jesus says if any man marries a divorced woman he commits adultery. But the problem then becomes the first husband refuses to take her back in. He has a God given right to refuse if she’s become one flesh with any other man. But if that’s not the case - and she repented and apologized - then I would argue a true believer in the faith of Jesus Christ would forgive others, so they can be forgiven. Especially if they repented and apologized:


1 Corinthians 7:15
But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace

I would give the first husband the “Parable of the Unforgiving Debtor” if he’s a Christian, and the woman has repented and apologized. If he doesn’t forgive others - he won’t be forgiven either. The only way he can refuse righteously is if the woman has become one flesh with another man.

 

[JudahYAHites]

Omg that last part is brutal. Do I really can't remarry?

You can remarry.

 

[NS4Liberty]

Omg that last part is brutal. Do I really can't remarry?

I have no authority in this matter, I am just sharing my opinion and interpretation. What decision you come to is between you, God, your ex-husband, and any potential future husband.
As others have mentioned, a lot rides on what happened after the divorce and the reasons for the husband not taking back his repentant wife.

This is a portion of a longer article on Divorce and Remarriage, but I think the reasoning is sound:

A woman divorces without cause = no remarriage.​

These verses come immediately before a passage that we looked at before, where Paul says that if an unbelieving spouse leaves, that “the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases”. Before that instruction, God – writing through Paul – gives this instruction:

1 Corinthians 7:10-11
10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband
11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.
This seems like a clear instruction. If a Christian woman divorces her husband without a legitimate reason (and we’ve already covered all of them) then she should remain single and not remarry.

Notice two things:

1. This doesn’t apply if the Christian husband divorces her, only if she divorces him.
2. No such prohibition is applied to men.

Now, this next bit should be obvious but I’m going to state it anyway: This only applies if she divorces him without a legitimate reason. As we’ve already seen, Christian women are allowed to get remarried after a legitimate divorce for legitimate biblical reasons.

I hope that’s obvious by now, so I won’t rehash it.

(And just to restate: “because her husband had sex with an unmarried woman” is not a legitimate reason for a woman to get a divorce.)

One last thing: if her husband dies, she’s free to be remarried.

1 Corinthians 7:39
39 A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
So even if she divorced him without cause, if he dies, she then can be remarried.

 

[Joleneakamama]

Did she have sexual relations with any man after she divorced him? If yes - then it would be an abomination for her husband to take her back.

That is IF HE divorced her, and she moved on, and the next husband also divorced her. Clearly the man is not allowed to change his mind and she is lost to him after he divorces her IF she moved on to a new husband.

She had no authority to divorce him. He could still take her back.

YHWH with the house of Israel called to them and asked them to return....return from whoring after other gods. Once He divorced them it was a different story.