Nice = pleasant; agreeable;
Jerk = an unlikable person especially : one who is cruel, rude, or small-minded
The Truth is not always pleasant or agreeable, but it is also not cruel, rude, or small minded.
Agreeable men are rightly seen as weak men and therefor unattractive. They are unable to do the hard things they must because it causes feelbads.
Unfortunately I don't have hard and fast definitions; more a set of behaviors and archetypes in mind. I'll see what I can come up with...
I generally break this up as follows:
niceness vs. kindness
jerk vs. asshole
Kind and jerk are good, nice and asshole not.
If you're going to be a good leader in your marriage, you're going to have to do things she doesn't like, things that would make her call you/think some synonym for jerk.
Maybe there is a better word than jerk. But it is one commonly used by women when a man does something desirable, yet negative.
But women tend to not be able to distinguish between nice and kind or men between jerk and asshole.
Niceness is comforting. It seeks to avoid offense. It hates causing feelbads. It puffs up. It panders. Agreeable. But it doesn't generate arousal; it tamps it down. It is boring. Dull. Safe. The nice guy is unable to do the difficult loving things because they cause feelbads. He is mentally weak. The niceness in men causes them to worship women, compromise scripture to avoid women's feelbads, changing even the Gospel itself, and generally allow women to run all over them. Bad women routinely take advantage of these men. Good women will appreciate them, but have a hard time respecting or getting aroused by them.
The kind man is able to show kindness when appropriate but has a hardness to him and isn't afraid of women's feelings and is able to do the tough love things that must be done. The Jerk isn't afraid to do things that cause women displeasure. Setting limits, telling her 'no', making hard decisions she doesn't like, dominant flirting. Things that must be done, which would generate arousal, but which will get him called a jerk. He has an edge to him but can be pleasant and polite as called for. But he's the opposite of agreeable. The man who is dangerous yet attractive and makes you feel safe. He inspires reverence.
The asshole is mean, cruel, absent kindness.
Jerk with a hidden heart of gold is what women often crave; that magical combination. May even be a love/hate relationship. She'll despise the nice guy and for the asshole there is only hate. There may be appreciate for the nice guy, but no arousal. She may not like the jerk at times, but he is highly desirable and she loves him to pieces. There isn't anything desirable about the asshole.
To use an agricultural metaphor....the asshole keeps his chickens in cruel conditions before slaughter. The kind jerk keeps them in good humane (but economical) conditions, and then eats them. The nice guy pampers his chickens (often to their detriment) and can't bring himself to eat them.
It's a patriarchy meme, because the intent it to point out to nice guys how unnattractive they are and how their niceness leads to their inability to lead their wife or have a satisfying marriage.
Niceness is unnatractive.
That got long, but I was essaying out as I tried to figure out how to distill the differences.
