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The benefits of polygamous structure....

Paul not the apostle

Paul not the apostle

Member
Real Person
I am compiling a list of the benefits of polygamous living and would like your help if you can spare the time. You might even learn something new about yourself in the process and give everyone here another resource in order to help the "cause". I am dividing these into groups such as married men, single men, first wife, second wife, single women looking, widows with children, divorced women with children, and other groups such as socio-economic, etc. I am looking for stories, testimonies, and anything that any of you have seen online or heard of ever, anywhere. You can post your idea or story or testimony in this thread or you can email or pm me. This list is going to be used as an online resource for those people interested in learning more about the biblically polygamous lifestyle, and the format will be divided in order to streamline the benefits/questions that each particular group would be most interested in reading. There will be no names used so if any of you that are living plural at the present time can write out a brief history or anything, I would greatly appreciate it.

Why would a man want more than one wife?
Why would a woman want her husband to have more than one wife?
Why would a woman want to share her house/family/husband with more than one wife?
Why would a normal single woman want to join a family instead of marrying monogamously?
Help! My daughter wants to marry into a poly family! What do I do about it?
Help! My husband wants to have a second wife! What do I do about it?
Help! My wife wants me to have a second wife! Where do I sign up? (Just kidding) What do i do about it?
What benefits does polygamy hold for the widow with children?
What are some of the struggles of polygamy?

These are some of the questions that we are trying to address. I know that many of these questions have been addressed in the forums, but I am trying to get a more personal feel in the answers by getting some testimonies and stories to go along with the answers. There is a large amount of information on the internet about biblical polygamy, most of it negative, and most of it from monogamous people that have never met anyone that is polygamous. For the seeker and the skeptic and also the families that are trying to understand why their loved ones are considering this lifestyle, a resource that is streamlined and personal is unusual and might be a good way to soften hearts and prepare the way for the truth in God's word about this topic that we all feel is so important.

This is something that I am doing on my own, so don't feel obligated to contribute, but it would be great if you can send out anything that you have heard, read, or thought of in any area of polygamy. I am also not afraid to hear the harsh realities of things that have been struggles as well.

Thanks,
Paul
 
As you Know Paul I address these benefits in my book Sex and the Believer. Feel free to use anything from there to kick start the discussion.
 
The benefits are so far endless. One question you wrote I would like to comment on based on my recent experience as a polygnist. My husband and wife (I'm the second) go to work every morning. They used to debate who would take the kids to daycare. Then they would discuss why the other should bring them. This conversation would continue to, and I'm saying this as an onlooker, be about who was more late. Well, I have taken the kids for the past week or so and now my spouses leave every morning less flustered and the kids aren't rushed out

. The benefit of more than one other spouse is the delegation of tasks/chores that caused so much unneccesary stress. I love that the kids each get a few moments with me individually and I in turn get to show them that, although biologically they aren't mine, with God's love in me, they are so much my very own children.

To address the question of "why would you want to share your house/husband/children etc. With another woman?". This is a question that 10% Christians don't understand. The Lord gave us all these things. When you truly believe that the Lord is directing and guiding your life, you know that these are the blessings the Lord has bestowed on you. When one knows this it is no longer about you, there is no room for selfishness or jealousy. Our only jobs on this earth, in these temporary homes, is to worship the Lord with our words, actions and most of all by pouring the love out that the Lord has poured in. Realistically, the love I've had in me, along with my husband and wife, was always too much for only one spouse and too much for two children. Our lives were built by God for the sole purpose to build our family as Biblically as possible.

Don't get me wrong, we have our struggles, our battles, but when all is done through the guidance of our Savior, we have nothing to fear, no reason not to forgive, no reason to hold onto selfishness or jealousy. No reason not to love as much as possible to as many people as the Lord sees fit.

I respect monogamy however I don't see it as the way I was meant to live my life. This is a tough road to hoe but we all know as 100% Christians that the trials we are given the Lord does not make us go alone.

I suggest Paul that you make sure to empasize the comfort we are able to receive when we receive the Lord Jesus Christ into our hearts. As polygnists we need this reemphasized as much as possible as often as possible.

I really enjoyed reading your questions.
 
As for the struggles with polygyny, we have found that every single struggle comes from being human. Wait! Monogamists are human too, right? Then they must have problems too. Oh, maybe that is why more than half of all marriages end in divorce! Wow. So it has to do with being human? Could that be right? Hmmmm. I am going to have to think about this.

SweetLissa
 
amen, girl :D
 
I believe that some women would want to marry a married man because they see that he is successful in loving his wife and children and they would much rather share a man like that than take her chances with an untried man. I think that is part of the reason my wife decided to marry me. When I step back and try to look at my situation objectively I see a man who refuses to stop loving a seemingly unlovable woman.

My wife that has abandoned me for another lover is being very cruel. She is doing everything she can to prevent me from seeing my children, and that's a pretty terrible thing to do. Most men would be able to hate a woman like that, but I have a hard time hating her because of His grace towards me. It is that precious grace that has reminded me that I am to love her as our Messiah has loved His Bride.

Does our Master divorce us when we wander off and whore around with other gods? No, He is longsuffering with us and hopes for us to return. I believe that someone in my situation can divorce his wife, but I am also allowed to continue to love her and hope for reconciliation. Perhaps this is what Paul had in mind when he said,
But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:10-11, NASB)
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So, the message from Hashem is that men are not supposed to divorce their wives, though they are permitted. I am thankful that I am not in such despair that I would divorce my wife for her adultery. I am also thankful that I understand that I am able to marry another woman and not spend my time waiting for my wife's return without the comfort of a wife.

One of the reasons I speak up about polygyny is that I want other men to realise that they do not have to suffer along without a wife to love them. I know of men who have the conviction that they are not to divorce their adulterous wives and they have suffered through many lonely years because of it. If only they understood that they can take another wife!

This is a very good reason for a man to take another wife. There are many other wonderful reasons, but this one hits closest to home for me.
 
Help! My wife wants me to have a second wife! Where do I sign up? (Just kidding) What do i do about it?
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Hey Paul...you say that but I was the first one in our marriage to feel a calling to live plural marriage. When I began to feel this way about 4 years ago, my husband struggled with it for a little bit. He told me his fear was destroying the good relationship we have. It took me awhile to show him that I will be happy, not upset when he goes out on a date or meets a new potential wife, and that I am always hoping that a great 2nd to compliment our family is around the corner. I know that women who initially feel called to plural marriage are rare, but we are actually out there! :)
Kacy
 
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Actually, for my comp class this semester I wrote a paper on on Polygamy.

I will just post it here :) It was specifically written for legalization of polygamy/polyamory in general - but I hope you enjoy.



Polyamory: More sides to things than just shapes
The term “Polyamory” is not very well known outside to those who practice it. Polyamory/Polygamy, also known as simply “Poly,” is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one consensual intimate relationship. Poly can also be used to describe a relationship orientation, similar to gender orientation. Polyamory is technically different that Polygamy in that polygamy refers to actual marriage between multiple partners, typically religious and patriarchal in definition. In the United States, polygamy is not illegal on a federal level; however it is illegal on a state-by-state level in all 50 states. Utah was not allowed to become a state until the Mormon Church stopped practicing polygamy. Famous polygamists and/or polyamorists include acclaimed comic book writer Alan Moore, artist Graham Nicholls, who created the first polyamory website in the United Kingdom, and famous actress Tilda Swinton. When it comes to polyamory and polygamous relationships, legalizations in the United States should be considered due to the fact that people who practice it are not considered to be part of the whole: this being supported Biblically, through proven benefits to both the partner(s) involved, as well as children raised in the home where a Polyamorous situation is present.
Before going in to the arguments supporting the legalization of Polyamorous relationships, there are also several arguments against legalizing it as well. The most famous headline that shows a negative side to polygamy is that of Warren Jeffs. Warren Jeffs was the leader of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (FLDS), and was convicted in Utah last year of rape as an accomplice in the arranged marriage of a 14-year-old girl and her 19-year-old cousin (“Warren Jeffs Pleads”). The most commonly known form of Christian polygamy is that of the FLDS denomination, or those whose belief of the practice stems from religious beliefs. While this is the most infamous information available about polygamy, this is merely just one facet of the people that practice poly relationships. There are still several countries in the United States where Poly is not only allowed, but is considered normal, part of the mainstream culture. The United States is one of few countries where the practice is illegal.
One of the reasons that people choose to enter into a Polyamorous relationship is due to religion. While other religions other than Christianity support this practice, the focus here will remain on the Christianity beliefs of polyamory. The earliest recorded plural marriage was Lamech in Gen 4:19, six generations after Adam. Even though Lamech is the only polygamist identified before the flood, there is no reason to believe that he was alone in that status. The post-flood people Terah, Nahor and Abraham continued practicing polygamy, documented in Gen 11:26; 16:3; 20:12; 22:20-24; 25:1-6. Isaac's two sons were polygamists as well. Esau had five wives shown in Gen 26:34; 28:9; 36:2-3 and Jacob had four, shown in Gen 29:23-28; 30:4, 9. Even Moses practiced polygamy per Ex 2:21; 18:1-6; Num 12:1. David, who was called a man after God’s own heart, as well as Solomon, a man whose wisdom is infamous, were also polygamists. In reference to David specifically, there is argument that the polyamory was not condoned due to the situation with Bethseba; however, this was due to the manner in which he approached her and was done in an adulterous fashion. A person should not tolerate infringements of religious liberty, just because it doesn’t fit one’s theology. While these scriptures are from the Old Testament, and the main argument against Christian Polyamory is that Jesus fulfilled the Old Testament, this did not simply do away with the beliefs and practices within in it. The Bible does not specifically state that Poly is allowed, or not allowed; however, based on the scriptures referenced above, one can assume that it is allowed due to those who practiced it and still remained in God’s favor.
Poly relationships are also known to benefit a person’s individual growth and development. In an article in the Tuscon Weekly, journalist Tish Haymer explored Poly in mainstream culture, and the effects that it has and could have. What can make a person Poly is that they are mature, honest, supportive and caring about the people that they are involved with. The majority of Polyamorous people “realized that their natural capacity to simultaneously love more than one person couldn’t be fulfilled within the boundaries of that type of relationship [monogamy] or their platonic friendships (Haymer). One of the hardest things for people to get past when it comes to accepting Polyamorous relationships is that there is the assumption the choice is made merely for greater physical pleasure. While this can certainly be the case in some situations, most who practice Poly do it for the actual relationships, not merely the physical contact (Haymer). If Polyamory were to be accepted and even legalized; “most polyamorists see their struggle as part of the larger fight to ‘normalize’ all forms of loving relationships” (Haymer). Being in a poly relationship can also benefit a person by providing multiple people to do things with, giving an extended support network, and even increased individuality.
Polyamorous relationships can benefit the quality of life for a child who is raised in such an environment. In an article published in Loving More, a Polyamory magazine with over 15,000 subscribers, Valerie White goes into the benefits of what such an environment can provide. Historically, children were taken care of by the group/society in general while the mother tended to whatever ever needed to be done. Everyone took their part in helping with the children too young to tend to themselves “…several generations, older siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles, all happily taking their turn at childcare (White). Sid Mansfield, a Phoenix-area child and family therapist, is quoted in the Tuscon Weekly: “The key in raising well-adjusted children is stability” (White). When any relationship, be it monogamous or Polyamorous, provides a stable, loving, and growth enriched home, it can be hard to see where this would negatively harm a child. In order to show children how to grow, and mature, adults are there to be examples for them to emulate. Any mature and responsible adult can fit the criteria for being a role model in a child’s life. In order for a Polyamorous relationship to be successful long-term, all of the adults involved must have a certain maturity that might not be there in a monogamous relationship due to the complexities of handling multiple relationships on a consistent basis. While Poly relationships may not be better than monogamous in providing an excellent child-raising environment, there is no reason to believe that it is any more negative than any type of home environment can tend to be.
As the famous writer M. Scott Peck stated, “Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” Being in a Polyamorous relationship only provides more opportunity for growth, whether it be mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually. A Polyamorous environment can be beneficial to any partner involved, as long as the maturity is there to handle the situation. The same applies for children raised in Poly homes, as there are increased chances of being supported, loved, and given an opportunity to grow past their potential. The Bible also provides several places where not only is polyamory accepted, but the people who practiced favored by God specially. The United States is one of few countries where this practice is not considered normal, and as a result, those who practice Polyamory tend to be judged unfairly. In an effort to reduce this judgment, and possible detriment, acceptance and legalization of Poly should be encouraged.
 
Why would a man want more than one wife? There are a few reasons for this answer some would do it out of lust. Others such as myself would do it more so, because I feel that God would want me too take care and love some one who other wise may not be able too find it. I was raised in a polgyny friendly family. My father (He was my first step father, He was and is the man I call father)had 3 wives He treated all his wives with the same amount of love. I have had the happiest moments with him! The other two women were my mothers as well. Sadly my mother let her friends persuade that her lifestyle was wrong and against God. They didn't even show proof beyond their snooping and acting like they were her true friends and knew what was best for her. y mother left my father and three years later married another man. They praticed monogamy. He was a very cruel man. He would beat me every day. He even put me into a coma for three days fracturing my skull. That didn't stop the beatings he would just beat me from the chest down, pull out clumps of my hair, kick me in the legs,ect.

Eventually a church deacon heard of my beatings he acted like he wanted too help. He talked my mom into letting him take me on the weekends till sunday when we got back too church. Unfortunately he started molesting me. I wouldn't tell for three years cause it was the only way I could get away from the beatings. I remember praying every night that the next beating would kill me. Eventually I started too run away. I finally got back into contact with my father and he fought for custody and won! He and my other mothers worked with me a lot too help me remember what real love felt like. My father was the reason I am in ministery today. He taught me that people need a man of God that people who believed like we do needed a true man of God! He is my hero, he always loved me! He was my blood father but even after my mom left him I was still his son. He was a good man he even helped me find my biological dad and I strive to fill even half of his shoes. I am not saying polygyny is for every one. It is how ever for me. I was raised this way I know how happy a family can be when a man takes more then one wife!
 
Sorry I rambled on I just wanted too explain the questions too the best of my ability! :D :D
 
And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.

Revelation 12:11

Blessings,
 
kacylynn said:
I know that women who initially feel called to plural marriage are rare, but we are actually out there! :)
Kacy
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I see this way more than I would have expected before I became interested in polygamy. Now I think it is almost a sterotype the idea that men are the only ones interested in polygamy. It seems to me that there is really equal interest between the sexes and also that it is a sterotype that women are jealous.
 
I was doing something nice with my wife the other day, and my wife accused me of being nice to her so I would get a good review from her to any potential second wife. I said that is absolutely what I was doing.

So there is another benefit: monogamous people who aspire to polygamy work hard to get good reviews. Just the possibility of polygamy improves your monogamous relationship.
 
I am compiling a list of the benefits of polygamous living and would like your help if you can spare the time.
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Hi Paul not,

You should compile a list of the difficulties or negatives of polygamous living as well, for the sake of full disclosure. Polygamy is going to make some serious changes in a person's life. Some people are simply not suited for it, and I think it would be best if they discovered everything, both positive and negative, about polygamy from the very beginning.

On my group over at Yahoo Groups, I've tried to compile a list like this a number of times over the last decade. If I can dig up some of the results I found, I'll post them...


John for Christ
 
JFC,
I just want you to know that making a list of the disadvantages is a great idea, but everyone in the world thinks they know all the bad stuff about poly. T always says that no matter how much you plan and how ready you think you are, you are not ready until it is there and once it is there, you can't take it back.

The reality is that there is no way to anticipate everything that might go wrong. Or what wonderful blessings might be in store for us when we embrace it. The reality is that the only way to be sure of blessing is to follow God and trust him to make it all good.

I have had a great deal of sorrow in the past few years, but that only makes it possible to be more grateful for the joy God has also brought me throughout our journey.

 
sweetlissa said:
JFC,
I just want you to know that making a list of the disadvantages is a great idea, but everyone in the world thinks they know all the bad stuff about poly. T always says that no matter how much you plan and how ready you think you are, you are not ready until it is there and once it is there, you can't take it back.

The reality is that there is no way to anticipate everything that might go wrong. Or what wonderful blessings might be in store for us when we embrace it. The reality is that the only way to be sure of blessing is to follow God and trust him to make it all good.

I have had a great deal of sorrow in the past few years, but that only makes it possible to be more grateful for the joy God has also brought me throughout our journey.
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Hi Sweetlissa,

I know what you mean. But what I'm talking about are more the obvious differences than the arguments against polygamy. For instance, a husband will have two beautiful wives if he becomes a polygamist, BUT on the other hand, he'll have less time for both individually than he did with just one. Then there's the expense of a larger family, or, depending upon the family structure, the expense of two households (I'd only have one myself).

Those are the kind of things I am suggesting, not that every possible negative be addressed. If we never address the negatives to expect, then some bright-eyed idiot may not consider the issues that will crop up simply because he wants two wives for sex (there are plenty of those out there) or something like that, and end up with more than he was willing to handle, leading to divorce and any number of other problems. Knowing what you are getting into is wise. Some people aren't even suited for marriage at all, much less polygamy. I feel it would be better to show them the good and bad, than to let them experience everything for themselves. There is a wisdom in preparing for the future (like the ant), while trusting God to take care of it.

Perhaps all the positives and negatives can be suggested, then weeded out as to their applicability to a list that would be presented to the public. Not every possible positive or negative necessarily has to be on the list.


John for Christ
 
With respect, J4C,

I suspect that most folks can think of those "negatives" quite easily, and do. However, the author of THIS thread was interested in a list of POSITIVES.

Perhaps you could start a thread of your own entitled, "The difficulties of polygamous structure ..." Then those who are primarily interested in ensuring that every positive has an equal and balancing negative will have a place to enumerate them.
 
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