You're free to hold whatever unbiblical views you'd like to hold. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
His children. Not "her children".
Feel free to disagree all you want, it seems you enjoy that in and of itself. I'm not arguing with you, I'm explaining this stuff for those who will come afterward and read this thread looking for answers. People who aren't so hard headed that they give themselves headaches.I guess I'll just agree to disagree at this point because this thread is giving me a headache
To the reader who would like to expound on the above stance proposed.
What is that hypothetical woman to do with her whole day? Lay around watching the baby crawl? Who does her laundry?
Why is she absolved of the responsibility to be a suitable helper for her husband simply because she has children?
Why this insular, secular, independent attitude?
This is completely contrary to a cohesive familial teamwork mindset. I come from a large family, you don't get to be *snaps fingers head shake* "an independent woman" when you're part of a family. You're part of a team. Everyone helps bear one another's burdens. It's a beautiful thing to be able to give a new momma a break from a crying baby. Just ask any woman who's had children if she would appreciate someone taking the baby for a few hours during the first couple months. Heck, the first 10 years LOL Bearing the burdens of each other means we get breaks, more free time, and life is just generally better. If I had a second wife, I'd expect my first to help her, to take a crying baby from her and give her a break, to help with diaper duty, bring her some food or something to drink during postpartum recovery. And I would expect the second to help the first. I would expect them to help each other in sisterly love. And I would expect a second to look for ways to help me like I found in my first wife. I chose her because she wanted to help me, she wanted to come alongside me and shoulder the burdens of life with me.
This insular attitude is so divorced from reality I can't imagine it's coming from the place of someone who has ever had children or been married. It's so beyond foreign it's like reading an account of a blind man trying to explain what an orange tree in full fruit looks like. I just can't even understand the paradigm, it's that far from normal life that it sounds completely upside down and utterly divorced from reality.
It stinks of the feminist ideal that the woman is owed everything from the man and he is owed nothing but to shoulder her burdens. That she has the liberty to do whatever she wants to do all day, and he should leave his family, earn money, and bring everything to the table for her benefit as if he were her slave. I mean that concept isn't even egalitarian and equal, let alone biblical. What does this hypothetical woman bring to the table? In what way is she "helping" her husband? This is "Biblical Families" and enshrined in the created purpose of womankind is the idea that woman was created for the purpose of being a fitted helper. A custom form fitted assistant for her man, to help him with the purpose and goals God has given him.
Sometimes that means holding a flashlight and handing tools to him while he works on the broken hot water heater and says dirty words at the plumber who installed the thing wrong a decade ago. Sometimes it means she helps him as a secretary or with logistics, or drives a delivery van for his business. Sometimes it means she helps type up and edit manuscripts while he writes novels.
It is a complete rejection of God's created purpose to insist that He alone is responsible for all the work that is required to keep a family fed, clothed, and healthy while she bears no responsibility to help. It's impossible for the man to do all of that by himself if his "helper" is helping. Because if she is helping him, she is by logical necessity doing some of that work. They are doing it together. Or he is doing one thing and she is doing some other thing, all in the service of bettering the family. For some women that means she's a nurse or doctor at a hospital/clinic. Others may be tasked with cooking, cleaning, and teaching the children. A younger wife with young children and no practical skills may serve the home best by lifting some of the more mundane burdens while an older wife might have advanced skills that bring in a six figure income. Others may be tasked with helping the man in his professional pursuits as his secretary and assist him as a paralegal for his law practice. Families change with time, so do the dynamics. Younger children do not have the liberties or responsibilities that older children have. By necessity a younger and newer wife will need to fit herself into the family how it is and how the husband has formed the family dynamics. She after all is joining his house.
Shoot, my sister-in-law works in a hospital to earn some extra income for their household AND because she wants a break from kids. Her husband has deemed that an appropriate thing for their family. My wife and I disagree and think she would save the family more money and they would be better off financially for her to stay home but it's frankly none of our business. So while I agree that it's normally best for wives to stay at home, it's certainly not always the best thing for every family.
Still other families may lead an agrarian lifestyle where they all live closer to the cycles of nature and everyone helps in the planting season to sow seeds and tend seedlings, in harvest to bring in the crop, and in the market to package, transport and sell the land's yield. The Amish and Mennonites live this way. This communal teamwork with everyone working to better the family or clan is how humankind has existed for all of history. This is communal work, everyone contributing what they can to ensure the whole family has the income to thrive and prosper. Those who stand opposed to this are what C.S. Lewis would have described as being "bent".
The teamwork of working together is a beautiful thing. It's like the difference between eating a well balanced meal with tons of flavors and textures that compliment one another, and eating some plain oatmeal. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the sentiment. But the insistence on upholding this imaginary offense of a tyrannical man using a woman as a baby factory then sending her off to work in a factory is loony. Nobody is talking about that except for in one person's...
The reality of a whole family coming together to work alongside each other is lovely and good. Those who think segregation and independence are preferable are frankly misinformed or delusional. There's nothing beautiful and lovely about being alone and doing everything by yourself, and for yourself. Teamwork and togetherness is what makes a life full and beautiful.
It is the responsibility of the man to take care of the entire family and ensure they are all cared for and thriving.
It is not the responsibility of the man to do all the work required to ensure they are all cared for and thriving.
It is the responsibility of the women to be suitable helpers, obedient to help him however he says he needs help. And it's the responsibility of the children to help strengthen the family in accordance with the leadership and direction of their father. If the husband determines that adding a second or subsequent wife would be the best course of action while that first wife is helping him, her attitude should be one of cheerful assistance. (should be)
If the man of the house determines the family needs to get to work raising a potato patch, everyone should be working towards that goal no matter if she "wants to", "has young children", "doesn't want to break her nails", or any other excuse. If he's a good man, he will obviously not expect any person under his authority to work harder than they are able, or to be harmed while working. If he loves his family he will care for them like his own body and cherish them, care for them, and ensure they are taken care of well.
A good father will expect his toddlers to be helping as they are able, underfoot, grabbing potatoes from the row, putting them in baskets. Goofing off playing with worms and beetles, getting drinks, throwing sticks, then grabbing a couple potatoes again. The older children can work more and harder for longer, the teenagers likewise.
The wives can sometimes work as hard as a man but they are weaker physically, cannot regulate body temperature as well as a man, so obviously shouldn't be expected to work as long and hard as he does. So the good man will bear the brunt of the work, the hardest jobs, the heaviest lifting, the most dangerous things risked. But it is decidedly an unscriptural and unnatural notion that a woman should not be expected to help her husband. EVEN if that husband determines the best way to help is to get a (suboptimal) job outside the home.
I personally would do everything within my power to ensure any wife of mine only worked within the sphere of the family and our business. But from a biblical perspective, it's entirely up to that man how to run his household.
For the women in search of a husband, or the fathers of daughters considering what men might make the best husband, consider the man and what his values are. Get to know him and those under his charge to see how well they are taken care of. How does he love his current wife if he has one? Is she a browbeaten, silent, abused looking woman? Or is she bright and joyful, helpful and full of cheer? Are his children helpful and respectful? Do they treat his wife with honor and respect? Do they live the type of lifestyle that is honoring to God and something you would want to be a part of? Ladies, can you see yourself joining him on his mission and coming alongside him to help shoulder some of his burdens? Is he a man you would want to see more successful?
Our marriages should be a reflection of ourselves with Jesus as the husband figure.
It's supremely selfish and self-centered to say to your master "No, I'm not going to do that, you have to do it for me. I couldn't be expected to work. Fetch me some money God."
I am a servant/slave of my master. I belong to Him, all of my years, days, and minutes belong to Him. The things I have are His possessions, my body is His to use how he sees fit. Job 13:15 Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: If He calls me to lay my life down to proclaim His name, I will. If he commands me to give up what I want in service to His purposes, I will do it.
That is the attitude we should all have towards our Lord and Master. And that is the example of the attitude God has given for wives to have towards their husbands as difficult as it may be. If you call yourself a believer and follower of Him, when you marry a husband, your life is no longer your own. For better or ill, so choose wisely.
It is not the sole responsibility of the husband to bear the burden of all the work to provide for those under his care.
It is his sole responsibility to ensure those under his care are thriving to the best of his abilities.
It is the responsibility of those under his care to work to help him how he directs.
