@rejoicinghandmaid, thank you for your response, but please note my exact wording.
“If He has to direct the husband.....”
This is not about whether He would speak to either of them first, it is about whether He needs to operate the husband by remote control through his wife. If the husband is not hearing from YHWH and has to be corrected by Words of prophecy through the womenfolk, something is wrong.
If a husband is needing to be interceded for by his wife on more than the rare occasion then I would say that his spiritual leadership is lacking.
Paul didn’t advise the women married to unbelievers to pray them into the Kingdom, he told them to win them by their actions, their lives. Their focus was to be upon their own walk.
I didn't mean to ignore your response. Manipulation is never part of Yeshua's game plan. In human relationships I consider it to be very underhanded and in most if not all cases--despicable. The freedom to pray for, intercede on behalf of, and partner with in prayer is peculiar to the Christian's personal walk and journey. No other form of belief system affords this type of intimate spiritual connection on a human level nor with the deity. Because each of us are so human, "LORD, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is; that I may know how frail I am. Psalms 39:4 and because our Lord GOD knows this also, "For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust." Psalms 103:14 I would ten times rather be praying and asking Him to do the sorting and sifting, than to be doing nothing when I could see or sense the need.
I appreciated Kevins comment: "When Jessica and I were being led to accept that Polygyny was not sinful but biblical He went to Jessica first. If he would of gone to me first I would of assumed it was my flesh and dismissed it never studying it out."
Obviously she had been praying, probably long before she went to Kevin to present what she felt she had permission from her Lord to present to him. He didn't get his feathers is a dust nor was she trying to tell him what to do. Healthy relationships have the openness to encounter different ideas and opinions. Searching the Scriptures together over a topic is bonding. Either may have a desire of the heart. Psalm 37:4,5 As long as that soul(s) is/are yielded to and listening to the Holy Spirit and doing exactly what those 2 verses say, then there will be peace and contentment, eventually. Desires change. I've seen my heart be set on a particular thing, but because I asked for His will and not mine, I've actually seen the Lord GOD begin to change my heart's desire, and I knew it was God. There's no doubt the same can happen for the husband. "The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will." Proverbs 21:1
The buck does stop at the head, which for the woman is man, but for the man is Christ. "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18 If the wife knows she is loved, she will not fear to come to her husband with something the Lord GOD has laid upon her heart, especially after praying over it and feeling she has the mind of the Lord on it and permission from Him to approach her husband. If the husband knows he is loved, he will not fear that she is trying to usurp his God-given authority when she comes to him with a request, suggestion, or idea. She will not fear when he comes to her with something the Lord GOD has laid upon his heart for their home because she will know he has already spent time in prayer and wrestled it out with Yeshua because the buck stops with him.
For me, Psalm 37:4,5 is a plumbline. "Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 3:3 As the old mountain people of NC say (my husband hailed from there),"It's better to eat warm crow than cold crow any day of the week!" This brings it home for me--maybe says what Cap said above a little differently. If there are differences in what is being perceived from the Lord GOD, then both need to be on their faces before God, each for themselves, and each for the other. God in His divine Headship will bring clarity and unity so the headship of the home can reflect His headship, if that headship is willing.