I have four siblings, three sisters and one twin brother. Three of us have experienced sexual assault. None of the assaults were alcohol or date related. None of them were caused by improper parenting. None of them were caused by poor lifestyle choices. Two of those three assaults were reported properly. One was not. My assailant is serving a 32 year prison sentence. I recognize that there are a lot of false sexual assault reports. On the same token there are a lot of assaults that go unreported or not handled properly. I don't talk about this much and neither do my siblings. You would never know unless we mentioned it. As a sexual assault survivor do you know what is one of the most hardest aspects to deal with after the event and for years to come? Other people's assumptions out of ignorance. I have had people assume all kinds of things, crazy things, such as: she should not have been living on her own (my roommate moved), her parents must not have protected her, she must be emotionally damaged now so we can't trust her to participate in xyz, she must be lying, that sounds to horrific to have happened, etc. Most sexual assault victims carry a lot of shame because society has created that. Once you have been sexually assaulted, from personal experience, people that know don't treat you the same. They treat you with caution as if you are now untrustworthy because of the trauma or you must be lying. I caution anyone here to be careful with your words, because you do not know who you might be affecting with those words on a public forum. True sexual assault has shame attached to it and more often than not goes unreported. They are afraid to report or if they do report they are afraid of anyone finding out because of society's response. Be careful with your assumptions you make based off those false reports that have been televised. The words on this forum haven't bothered me, but they might have a few years ago. There are a lot of nasty women who hate men, but please don't assume the number of sexual assault claims cannot be so high. You might be surprised at how high they actually are. They are even higher for women and girls with Asperger's. It's hard when one is already socially awkward and then to add that on, it can be devastating. We demonize the "feminist" but maybe we should ask ourselves why she acts the way she does? What do men need to do to protect women from this?
You slam dunked this one with a "swish" 3 pointer!, knocked it out of the stadium with 3 bases loaded, and hmmm--there MUST be some other way to give you a standing ovation to have articulated the very thoughts and sentiments that generated my empassioned post for which I was reprimanded. Boy, do I know how hard it is for you to put yourself out here on this public format and willingly for the sake of others bare those wounds and scars. I'm in tears--overwhelmed!!
This school year has been soooo hard because I enrolled a girl who'd been molested by her dad (now deceased 2 years) starting around the age of 5, but she had never told anyone and had covered for her dad when the grandmother who now has custody would ask her from time to time because the grandmother suspected. This girl really started acting out and from mid Nov. through mid January I was having to deal with the turmoil she was causing in the school plus seek wisdom to get to the bottom of
why she was saying and doing everything. My other full-time teacher early on after hiring her had shared with me her story of step-father sexual abuse from age 11-18. Through God's leadership and wisdom, this student, now 12 years old, finally shared with another 13 year old girl in the school, (who is also in counseling because of abuse from her father's computer porn sites--this guy used to be a pastor) that her dad had been doing stuff to her. Then because I kept pushing to the bottom line, the Monday I was going to expel her from school, she finally broke in the hour of professional counseling session and finally had enough courage to tell what her dad had been doing to her. They came directly from the counseling session to my appointment at 5:30 in which I fully anticipated expelling her. After much prayer, I'd realized I couldn't help her any more and had reached my point/limit. I had to protect the school and other students. Talk about spinning on a dime!! She and her grandmother came in with something they needed to tell me. I decided to give them the floor before I told them she was out. The student was a basket case, having just come from the counseling session and getting so much guck out in the open for the first time in her life. Praise God my other teacher was there, by choice, so we gave the student space to regain composure. My other teacher shared her testimony of recovery. I reached out to the girl. My granddaughter, also a part-time teacher, reached out and loved on her. We all cried a lot of tears, but the evening appointment ended on a glorious note of praise to our Father for what He had prevented--that girl who really wanted to be at the school from being expelled and that girl from continuing to live in the trap of the lie--denial. I gave her a 2-week probationary period to prove herself. She is doing so well now, still in counseling, but I can see she is healing.
It gets better, or worse, however you want to look at it. The next day, Tuesday, the student, at my suggestion, came to school and began mending fences with other girls to whom she'd said inappropriate things and lies. A senior was afraid to talk to the girl by herself so declined talking with her until I could be in the picture. We did that in the last half of the lunch hour. As that senior listened to the student apologize and share a bit of why she had been acting the way she had, the senior breaks into tears, and tells how her uncle had sexually assualted her for 2 years from age 8 - 10 while he babysat so the parents could go to Amway meetings. I had not known this part of the senior's story, but did know that her life was a shambles 2 1/2 years ago when she came to me as a home school student which only lasted a few months and then her parents put her at a girls ranch home because they couldn't handle her anymore. It was a Christian setting and she got professional counseling, learned she
could trust her Heavenly Father, and came back home a completely changed and beautiful young woman. She walked into the school room last summer and asked if she could enroll as a full-time student this school year. I didn't even recognize her; she had changed so much!
Then as my other full-time teacher is sharing on the following Monday all that has happened with another part-time teacher, new to the school since January, that lady shares how her daughter had come to her just that weekend and disclose that the ex-husband had been sexually assaulting her (another pastor) and she'd known she needed to tell her mom, but just couldn't do it. Finally that weekend, they had the conversation--the same weekend all this was going down with the first student I mentioned! So then this new teacher is sharing her story with me a week later. I thought to myself--Oh, my soul! How much more, Lord?!? I was on overload!
My baby sister, 6 years younger than me was impregnated by my brother 3 years younger than me when he was in highschool and she was in junior high. I've got a nephew who's already done 27 years in prison for killing the man who fully intended to rape him a second time. The man had already raped him once and had been successful by drugging my nephew with something that caused him to not be able to move his arms or legs. The guy was a big political figure in a large city with lots of money and influence, so, of course, my nephew couldn't have killed him in self-defense! There's a good chance my nephew may get out soon. Those reviewing the case say he should never have gotten the sentence he did!
Again, @ Jennifer, thank you so much for your courage, sweet testimony, and incredible strength! I won't say all the things that are running through my mind as I think back on the posts which prompted you to come forward cuz they ain't pretty! I just hope someone wakes up and smells the coffee!!
