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Support Poly Not For Everyone

@Quest: This forum is for the purpose of keeping families together, your purpose it seems is to tear them apart, the two purposes are different. I think the people here can help you and @notforme if you choose to keep your marriages together, but I don't think anyone here is going to help you or anyone destroy a marriage. There are feminist forums that can do that better.

Find God and you will find your purpose.
 
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Pacman said:
That’s quite an accusation. I am pretty sure that @Foxlily would take offense.
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Not to mention I don't live in Florida.

steve said:
1 Corinthians 7:13 (KJV)
And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
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The women that was written to, their husbands quite probably had mistresses and went out on weekends to participate in pagan sex orgies. That's behavior far beyond adding to the number of sanctified wives a man has.
 
Well loved wife said:
@Quest this is about Biblical Families.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Eph. 5:22
@cnystrom speaks truth.
The bottom line is all wives and husbands need to decide and choose whom he/she will serve. Period.

Let God deal with the husband if he is in sin on how he goes about plural marriage (or anything for that matter) and choose to joyfully love her husband through submission or love herself and be done. Attitude is choice. Walking in the role we chose to be in is our responsibility and as husbands and wives we choose to be happy in it or not.
I’m sure it’s a miserable situation. I know nothing about it. But, there are BASE principles throughout scripture regardless of our situations.
I’ve not walked in those shoes, but the ones I’m wearing have a story of their own. They are walking beside an incredible man, whom I chose to submit too, even when I felt like PM was not for me.
Self pity, self righteousness and selfishness is a milestone about our own necks. Cut them off, get rid of it. Replace it with truth, love, joy, peace, long suffering..... or drown. It’s a choice.

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7

Kick that one to the curb girl, not your HUSBAND!!
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To add to what @Well loved wife said...

A principle that many of God's people have had to learn:

Isaiah 43:2

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.

It is not written "When you avoid the waters", "When you refuse the waters", "When you with all your being hate the waters", "When you find a way out of the waters", or "When you fundamentally disagree with the waters".

Hebrews 11 has a considerable list of God's people who had no choice but to do as the above verse says "pass through the waters".

They weren't asked if the troubles they had were what they wanted or had signed up for.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
 
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cnystrom said:
Try doing it the way I describe in the "secret of marriage" and see if your marriage and life are not changed.
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I just looked this up on Amazon and couldn't find a copy of it, @cnystrom. Where can I get a copy of this Secret of Marriage book you've written? Because if all of this gold that you've been posting in this thread is representative of what you've written in your book, I definitely want to get a copy of my own!
 
cnystrom said:
Actually most of us here are not big on "pieces of paper".

When we use the word marriage here we mean "Christian" marriage. Christian marriage is permanent and lifelong. It is not about personal happiness. It is about reflecting the relationship between Christ and the Church.

Obviously since you believe marriage is transitory than you have a different meaning in mind. Yours has the goal of "happiness" although struggles to achieve it.

Obviously since your un-Christian worldview is different you are going to come up with different answers and you are welcome to them. But people do not come here for that.
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Well loved wife said:
@Quest this is about Biblical Families.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Eph. 5:22
@cnystrom speaks truth.
The bottom line is all wives and husbands need to decide and choose whom he/she will serve. Period.

Let God deal with the husband if he is in sin on how he goes about plural marriage (or anything for that matter) and choose to joyfully love her husband through submission or love herself and be done. Attitude is choice. Walking in the role we chose to be in is our responsibility and as husbands and wives we choose to be happy in it or not.
I’m sure it’s a miserable situation. I know nothing about it. But, there are BASE principles throughout scripture regardless of our situations.
I’ve not walked in those shoes, but the ones I’m wearing have a story of their own. They are walking beside an incredible man, whom I chose to submit too, even when I felt like PM was not for me.
Self pity, self righteousness and selfishness is a milestone about our own necks. Cut them off, get rid of it. Replace it with truth, love, joy, peace, long suffering..... or drown. It’s a choice.

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7

Kick that one to the curb girl, not your HUSBAND!!
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Speak, sister, speak!

I've said it before, @Well loved wife, and I'm sure I'll say it again in the future: @Verifyveritas76 is indeed blessed that he was smart enough to marry you, as well as it being just as true that you were smart enough to marry him!
 
Keith Martin said:
Speak, sister, speak!

I've said it before, @Well loved wife, and I'm sure I'll say it again in the future: @Verifyveritas76 is indeed blessed that he was smart enough to marry you, as well as it being just as true that you were smart enough to marry him!
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For the record, i somehow managed to trick her into liking me when she was to young and gullible to know the difference. It’s no secret, I remind her often, but somehow, by Gods mercy and her grace she doesn’t remember it that way. Somehow she thinks she got me as the result of a lot of luck and sheer determination on her part! Who am I to seriously attempt to change her mind?:p:cool:
 
Keith Martin said:
If you do not want to engage in sexual behavior with a husband who is engaging in sexual behavior with another wife, you are not scripturally required to do so.
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Let’s be carful to not teach things that are unBiblical.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (KJV) 3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except [it be] with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
 
Pacman said:
I’m curious does he have an obligation to her
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I don't know the answer to that ?

Cap said:
So your alternative is to be alone?
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I won't be alone, should I choose to leave. I will be back with children and grandchildren.

Cap said:
Do you have a relationship with her? Is she a friend to you? What does she think about all this?
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No, I do not have a relationship with her. My husband did try by telling each of us we needed to get along. She refused to have anything to do with me or the children. We all tried, when she would come over, to talk to her, include her in our meals, play cards etc. She progressively pulled away, and in the end would come over late, knowing we would all go to our rooms for the night. By this time, she would walk in and we would all walk out. My husband continuously told her she was going to have to talk and "blend in" if she wanted to marry him and move with us. When we moved, he told me and her (separately) that she would not be moving with him, because she never blended in. Now he has changed his mind.
She thinks she is doing what G_d wants her to do.
 
Pacman said:
Trying to be as kind as I can be when I say that you are taking that passage completely out of context.
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That's fine that you feel that way, not a problem.
The way I look at it is what that passage is referring to is comparing it to a "wife of youth, that has been forsaken, grieved in spirit, and refused." Kinda wraps things up in my life some days.

steve said:
You are cherrypicking what supports you against your husband before Yah.
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Not trying to cherry pick. Each one of us that reads the Bible is going to find a verse (hopefully), that is going to help us through a rough spot in life. Each one us that reads and studies is going to have verses to reference should someone question our beliefs. Does that mean a particular verse is going to mean the same to each of us. I think you men in your "meat" discussions already know that answer. :D No offense.
 
Speaking practically, if you want to reconcile with your husband but can't see yourself living peacefully with your co-wife, I think you should ask that he provide her with a separate home.
 
Lili said:
Speaking practically, if you want to reconcile with your husband but can't see yourself living peacefully with your co-wife, I think you should ask that he provide her with a separate home.
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He wants us all living together, and we work side-by-side all day, so it wouldn't be practical. I told him should I stay, I will just go to my room at the end of the day. That is what they are used to anyway.
I told him today I need to learn to "sit down, shut up, and submit". Keep my mouth shut and go along with whatever he wants. I told him it seems like the idea is that when a woman becomes a wife, she no longer matters. Her thoughts and opinions, if they don't match up with his, mean nothing. I understand the husband is to have the final say as the head of the family. I just have this stupid mentality that the family should matter when he is making the decision, and I'm not just referring to plural marriage. Again, men, I understand the husband has the final say.
As you can probably tell, I've had a bad day with this!!
I am very happy to be reading in the Victim Mentality thread that there are husbands out there that "get it" when it comes to how their wives are handling this issue.
 
What @RainyLondonFog said. :)

I have to say that sometimes what is practical needs to take a backseat to what is necessary. With careful and deliberate leadership, I believe your husband could be successful in integrating his families. However, he needs to be realistic and address the issues in his relationships. (I am referring to both because it sounds like his other woman is actively rebelling against him. She is just the one who doesn't fight against polygyny because it benefits her now.)
 
I would like to clear something up that seems to have gotten out of hand. I, in no way, came on here to imply that I am a victim. If the word "victim" is going to be used, then I can honestly say that my husband is right there with me. I hurt him very badly in the past and we both are broken, both from the past and the present. Our marriage was a mess before plural marriage even came about. My husband says he wants happiness and love. He says I am not able to provide what he is looking for, because of my past. There is a lot of hurt between us.
I never intended for this thread to get so out of hand and cause such mayhem.
 
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I am praying for all of you, I can see that this whole thing is quite the painful mess.
 
Lili said:
(I am referring to both because it sounds like his other woman is actively rebelling against him. She is just the one who doesn't fight against polygyny because it benefits her now.)
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You have a very good point. There have been so many flags put up by her with her real thoughts about plural marriage and the family. Just an example that happened this past December. My husband asked her to come spend the day with him. Her response "Why should I, your family is just going to be there". To me that was a blaring red flag of what she thinks of the family. There have been several others just as red. None of it matters, my husband has one goal in mind, and it is not going to matter what she does or says at this point.
 
Where are you at with getting your husband on here? Have you spoken to him about the forum? Although we can give you advice, you are only half of the marriage, and half of the problem. The situation here runs very deep, and this needs 'attacking' from multiple angles.

frederick said:
Again, thank you for sharing and I commend you for persevering in this struggle. Don't give up, keep going. Shalom
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Exactly my thoughts! You've done this for 4? years so far, you can keep holding on, and keep doing your best to work on your marriage.
 
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