The Word does mention a wife separating from her husband. She is to remain unmarried (right now that doesn't sound so bad), or reconcile with her husband. I have asked and even sadly begged for my husband to reconcile with me. He says the only way he will reconcile is if he has another wife.
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I would say go back up and read what Phillip wrote. His wife is monogamy only, but they are able to civilly discuss the topic.
That was never an option, because of how this all came about. I'm not going into details on this one.
So, there you all are. I've answered the questions the best I could. I know more will come in. To be honest, it is bad enough going round and round with my husband, so please don't take it the wrong way if I don't answer any more ?'s. I know now that I made a huge mistake posting what I did. To any of you that took offense and thought I was pointing fingers at you, I wasn't. I guess my only purpose was to show you that forcing a wife into plural marriage isn't going to work. I know most of you on here already know that, but for those husbands that are doing it, maybe this will show you that your wife is hurting, regardless of what you think about her.
I made 3 posts while you were writing those, it's easy to miss new things when you're writing, so if you didn't notice have another look on the last page.
You're going to make for some more interesting conversation around here
theological debate abound! I personally appreciate that you came back and answered what and as much as you did. And please continue to contribute even if not on this thread! You appear to spend a bit of time in God's Word and that is ALWAYS welcome.
I know it may not seem like it, but we are actually for you and for your marriage.
We may say things designed to get you to think and consider other viewpoints.
The things we say are to encourage you to look at the things that you control and what you can do, etc. For example, if your husband is going to take another wife then it may not be something that you have any control over, and so suggest that that may be something that you will need to accept and learn to deal with if you truly want to please God. And if you do not seek to put God first then that is a whole other problem.
While at the same time, if your husband were here he might receive advice that maybe he should move slower and prepare more, for example.
See Joshua 5: 13,14 about sides.
I think you might have missed a qualifier in my post. I said “if there are no wedding vows binding one to monogamy.” You’ve answered as I would expect if there are vows binding one to monogamy. Your vows seem to be binding toward monogamy, but I’m not just asking about your situation. Just in case you’re wondering, I’m just exploring this out with you.
I have purposely avoided posting on this thread because it did not seem to need my particular blend of machismo and mayhem but I do have something to say to you.
It is time to decide what you are called to. If you are called to be a Biblical wife then it is time to be so. If you can not be a Godly wife in a polygynous marriage then it is time for you to separate yourself.
I realize that you are grieving for what was lost but it doesn’t seem to be coming back and frankly, even if it did things would never be the same. This would always weigh on your mind. Are you going to accept it and be the best wife you can in spite of the circumstances or not? There appears to be no way you will be a monogamous wife.
I will leave you with a burden and an encouragement. The burden first; you are called by God to be a good wife irrespective of what kind of husband you have. His performance has no bearing on yours. Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft and there are no caveats. If you can’t be good wife in this situation then you should consider separating. You will not be putting apart what God joined if you do not give yourself to another man.
Now for the encouragement; your real Husband is waiting for you. In this life you are getting your trousseau ready, picking out your dress and preparing for the ceremony. He is waiting for you at the altar and He will thrill to see you walk towards Him in your spotless white garb. He is coming and He will be perfect. None of this will matter then. Keep your eye on what’s to come. It’s going to be amazing.
I don’t disagree with anything you’ve said. I do think we need to be careful if ‘common sense’ overrides the Bible. One thing I think is worth exploring is what constitutes biblical grounds for divorce?
Hello again, @notforme. I'm glad you stuck with it and answered as many questions as you did. It appears that you've received a great deal of useful advice and loving support, so I'm also glad to see that.
You've stated that your purpose was to show us that forcing a wife into plural marriage isn't going to work and that women can be in a state of hurt when their husbands attempt to push something that they don't want. I believe it's safe to say that we have heard your message, as well as that it is a message that many if not almost all of the men here were already aware of. Learning biblical truths is often not only difficult but challenging and painful. Paul warned us of this multiple times in his epistles, that, if we properly divided the Word of God and spread that Word to others we would likely pay a great price in regard to our standing in the communities of the world. The choices we face in such circumstances, when we encounter either opposition to the Gospel presented by the world or a new truth that the establishment churches purposefully didn't teach us due to their own agendas, are choices that can seem like lose/lose. I love what @ZecAustin has shared with you:
To stand with Him and His Father is the Big Win/Win. We may lose here on Earth, or we may experience pain when the choices seem unfair, but we have received no promises that life on Earth will be free of misery. It matters most what we choose to do with the misery. Most specifically, how much of the time do we keep ourselves focused on making the choice that maximizes the potentials of both glorifying God and turning misery into blessings. Our Father doesn't judge us by whether everything turned out the way we might have thought it would. He instead puts His gentle hand on our shoulders and reminds us if we listen that He will be there throughout our trials -- and any time we conclude that we've been handed too great a burden, it's time to recognize that we have just second-guessed God's Own Wisdom, because He only presents us with challenges He knows He's already equipped us for.
You are immersed in one such major trial. I pray you will find peace, as well as that you will recognize that in Biblical Families you have a group that, while having expectations for you sometimes that will initially baffle you, will provide you a level of support you will likely never find elsewhere. I for one truly wish that you would come to one of our next retreats, with or without your husband, even in the face of holding on for dear life to the monogamy you so clearly cherish; it is unlikely that you would ever be the only one who feels the way you do. This is a group that stands for the support of all families that desire to be led by patriarchs. Biblical Families recognizes the legitimacy of the option of scriptural polygyny, but in addition to the clear fact that Biblical Families doesn't expect everyone to be polygamists, most members are not polygamists and never will be. Some who we cherish as among our most special friends, confidants and leaders do not even wish to be part of plural families. Our group is predominantly comprised of people who recognize that, in situations in which one spouse has seen the truth about the legitimacy of polygamy and wants it but her or his spouse at least starts out in the opposite camp, the best course of action is a long-game patience combined with working together on the marriage to ensure that everything else is being conducted according to biblical principles -- and for us that centers around establishing the type of true male headship that combines loving male leadership with loving female followership.
It does sound like you and your husband jumped the tracks sometime in the past. I pray that you will reach deep into your heart and heavenward to your Heavenly Father for solutions that have not yet become obvious to you.
My only question for you at this moment -- and it's not one that means you owe us an answer -- is this: now that you've spoken your piece, received some responses and answered the questions you wanted to answer, what is it that you want from us from here on out?
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I have come to learn that to gain a greater relationship with God that relationship eventually calls for a sacrifice. Polygamy, it seems, becomes an Isaac sacrifice for some. Wives have thier sacrifice and husbands do as well, or so it should be.
There is blessings in the sacrifice, for both. Only you know if your husband is willing to sacrifice with you. It took two people to sacrifice Isaac, both suffered and we're changed.
Instead of saying no, what about asking your husband for some time?
There is blessings in the sacrifice, for both. Only you know if your husband is willing to sacrifice with you. It took two people to sacrifice Isaac, both suffered and we're changed.
Instead of saying no, what about asking your husband for some time?
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Divorce is not an option. If you really do not care what God thinks then drop the pretense and just admit that this is a power play for who gets to control the marriage. You want to do what you want and the husband wants to do what he wants. And you want our help to figure out how to force him to do what you want.
If you really want to please God, then just drop the idea of divorce right out of your mind. While polygamy may be debatable divorce is not. For about 1900 of the 2000 years of recent Christian history it was virtually impossible because Biblical teaching is clear. You say yourself that God hates it. So do not do it, nor even consider doing it.
You and your husband are in the same lifeboat and are going to have to learn how to get along. There is no other Godly path.
And if you do decide to leave your husband, do no blame God or anyone else. It will be your own doing. And it is grievious sin.
Continued discussion about divorce only undermines your credibility on wanting to do what is right and please God. And if you are not clear in your mind if doing what is right and pleasing God is what you want then that is where you need to start working.
I am just curious. Do you know exactly what your vows were? Do you have a copy of them? If so, could you post them here?
So you are OK with following your husband for the small things, but not the big things?
Or you keep working on it until you work it out.
As you say, first relationship has serious issues going on, but you all are still working on it. There is no reason why the second relationship can not be the same.
Why is leaving always your answer?
That may be excellent advice for him, but I fail to see how you have control over that.
But why wait until he finds another wife? Why not work on your marriage now? You want it to succeed right?
No, this is not overlooked. The thing is you are asking the question, so you are getting the wife advice.
Feel free to get your husband on here. We are happy (and maybe even prefer) to talk to him, too.
But here is the thing. What does not work is the wife telling the husband to do his job, and the husband telling the wife to do her job (other than instruct her in what the Bible says, which is his duty).
Here is the secret of marriage: You both do your job to the best of your ability irrespective of how well the other person does their job. You promised to do it, so do it. Do it to the best of your ability. Do it as you would do it for Jesus himself. Do it with no expectation of quid pro quo. Do not do it for your own personal happiness. Do it as a slave to Christ. A slave without rights or expectations. There is no other way to have a Christian Godly marriage. Your marriage is a ministry to your community and the world, a reflection of the relationship between Christ and the Church. It is another way to share the Gospel, the love of God. Whatever pain and suffering you endure are part of the cost of being a Christian.
You made a vow, and you are really big on vows, and keeping them, right? Or is this only important when applied to others?
Bad news. Leaving is not an option either.
Try doing it the way I describe in the "secret of marriage" and see if your marriage and life are not changed. If your family is being torn apart by a power struggle you are not doing it the way the Bible describes it, even if it is monogamous.
I am still fuzzy about what is he asking you to do (that would be against your conscience)?
His marrying another woman would be something that he does, not you.
Polygamy is not group marriage.
No. It says quite clearly she should NOT separate from her husband (1 Cor 7:10).
True (v11). If you have done the wrong thing above, then you should do this to not compound your error by marrying someone else. Basically you are never relieved of your burden to work on your marriage with your husband if you want anything to do with the opposite sex. You are bound to your husband as long as he is alive (v39).
So you are saying that your husband has abandoned you? You are not living together?
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Or are you requiring he leave the other women before you'll reconcile with him?
I have been studying and trying to be a "biblical wife'. Because of baggage from the past, it's not going to make a difference.
Agreed.
But the Word also says: Isahiah 54:5-6 For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The G_d of the whole earth shall he be called. For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy G_d.
I take this verse as HE is my husband now.