So I am going to chime in here. Sex has never been a lacking component of my SW and Husband's marriage. Nor has it been lacking in ours. There are six children in our household. Sex doesn't happen every night for any of us. You want to talk about needs not getting met? If her need for emotional connection is not being fulfilled then her ability to have sex with you is not going to be fulfilled either. Men are like Microwaves and Women are like Crockpots. We have a simple rule we live by called yes but. This means yes I want to but I am tired etc. Not a rejection. It's a yes I want you but I need this first. Many times it might be a middle of the night or early morning wake up call. Our husband is a truck driver so we are lucky to get sexual intimacy one to two days a week. However, great sexual intimacy starts outside of the bedroom. How are you stimulating her during the day? Are you walking up behind her and unexpectedly kissing her? Are you helping to cook, clean, organize and help make the home too? Personally, both of us are stay at home wives while I am in school. We homeschool six children. This means we never get a break from household responsibility. I think that a man needs to look long and hard about how is he making his wife feel like connecting to him sexually after long hard days. Yes he has needs but those needs don't trump her's either. 1 Corinthians 13 says that Love doesn't seek it's own way. Clearly if he is basing everything off his needs then it is in direct violation of 1 Corinthians 13 and he needs to check his heart and relationship with God
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Meat Sexual Duties & Children
- Thread starter rockfox
- Start date
I'm totally laughing here. My dad was always commenting on ladies "assets." We got him a tee shirt once with cartoon pictures of all shapes and sizes from bee stings to watermelons.He didnt think it was funny.
That totally makes sense...now I am wondering if I have a twin...
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Cap
Guest
Oh yeah that's going to work. Every wife will get one vote each.
@AlexaH, I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with some of the statements you made and opinions you gave.
If this is working for you and your husband—well, then I’m, legitimately delighted for you!
You said:
“If her need for emotional connection is not being fulfilled then her ability to have sex with you is not going to be fulfilled either.”
This is false. Bare minimum, all a woman has to do is lay there. I’m not arguing about whether that’s ideal or not. Or whether sex can or should be better than that. But, it doesn’t take much more than that to have sex. We don’t have to even be aroused. Or emotionally fulfilled.
You said:
“ We have a simple rule we live by called yes but.”
To me, this is tantamount to a husband saying “yes, but..” when it comes to sex. I’m sorry, but if I’m tired, I don’t want to have to jump through hoops to get my needs met. I doubt my husband would either. I don’t think it’s fair for EITHER partner to have to make sure certain boxes are checked before the other partner gives them their marital rights. Nor do I see it as biblical.
You said:
“great sexual intimacy starts outside of the bedroom”
I wholeheartedly agree that this gives the BEST sex. Hands down. I’d never dispute that.
You said:
“. I think that a man needs to look long and hard about how is he making his wife feel like connecting to him sexually after long hard days.”
This isn’t mutually exclusive. I think BOTH parties need to look at how they’re making each OTHER feel in this area. Does a wife make it seem like she doesn’t have time for her husband because of every day life? Why would a husband want to romance a wife like that? Why would a wife want to be excited in her intimacy with her husband if he’s treating her like garbage?
So, then, should we just wait for the other spouse to do the right thing? Or should we
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit...”
You said:
“Yes he has needs but those needs don't trump her's either.”
Actually, yes they do when you’re the wife. And when you’re the husband; the wife’s needs trump your own. Again, not mutually exclusive. Which is why that verse about not denying each other is in there. Because we’re all selfish beings who get offended or worried when (we think) others forget to put our needs as high as we think they should. But, in reality; we need to put others’ needs above our own and hope and pray others follow suit—not make demands so that they follow suit. That’s, again, just not biblical.
The ONLY way out of that verse for men OR women is through prayer and fasting and mutual agreement.
Again, if your way is working well for you, and your husband is okay with it, awesome! Then you guys have found what works. But, the last thing that needs to be taught is that women need certain emotional needs met for that verse to apply to them.
If this is working for you and your husband—well, then I’m, legitimately delighted for you!
You said:
“If her need for emotional connection is not being fulfilled then her ability to have sex with you is not going to be fulfilled either.”
This is false. Bare minimum, all a woman has to do is lay there. I’m not arguing about whether that’s ideal or not. Or whether sex can or should be better than that. But, it doesn’t take much more than that to have sex. We don’t have to even be aroused. Or emotionally fulfilled.
You said:
“ We have a simple rule we live by called yes but.”
To me, this is tantamount to a husband saying “yes, but..” when it comes to sex. I’m sorry, but if I’m tired, I don’t want to have to jump through hoops to get my needs met. I doubt my husband would either. I don’t think it’s fair for EITHER partner to have to make sure certain boxes are checked before the other partner gives them their marital rights. Nor do I see it as biblical.
You said:
“great sexual intimacy starts outside of the bedroom”
I wholeheartedly agree that this gives the BEST sex. Hands down. I’d never dispute that.
You said:
“. I think that a man needs to look long and hard about how is he making his wife feel like connecting to him sexually after long hard days.”
This isn’t mutually exclusive. I think BOTH parties need to look at how they’re making each OTHER feel in this area. Does a wife make it seem like she doesn’t have time for her husband because of every day life? Why would a husband want to romance a wife like that? Why would a wife want to be excited in her intimacy with her husband if he’s treating her like garbage?
So, then, should we just wait for the other spouse to do the right thing? Or should we
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit...”
You said:
“Yes he has needs but those needs don't trump her's either.”
Actually, yes they do when you’re the wife. And when you’re the husband; the wife’s needs trump your own. Again, not mutually exclusive. Which is why that verse about not denying each other is in there. Because we’re all selfish beings who get offended or worried when (we think) others forget to put our needs as high as we think they should. But, in reality; we need to put others’ needs above our own and hope and pray others follow suit—not make demands so that they follow suit. That’s, again, just not biblical.
The ONLY way out of that verse for men OR women is through prayer and fasting and mutual agreement.
Again, if your way is working well for you, and your husband is okay with it, awesome! Then you guys have found what works. But, the last thing that needs to be taught is that women need certain emotional needs met for that verse to apply to them.
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@AlexaH, I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with some of the statements you made and opinions you gave.
If this is working for you and your husband—well, then I’m, legitimately delighted for you!
You said:
“If her need for emotional connection is not being fulfilled then her ability to have sex with you is not going to be fulfilled either.”
This is false. Bare minimum, all a woman has to do is lay there. I’m not arguing about whether that’s ideal or not. Or whether sex can or should be better than that. But, it doesn’t take much more than that to have sex. We don’t have to even be aroused. Or emotionally fulfilled.
You said:
“ We have a simple rule we live by called yes but.”
To me, this is tantamount to a husband saying “yes, but..” when it comes to sex. I’m sorry, but if I’m tired, I don’t want to have to jump through hoops to get my needs met. I doubt my husband would either. I don’t think it’s fair for EITHER partner to have to make sure certain boxes are checked before the other partner gives them their marital rights. Nor do I see it as biblical.
You said:
“great sexual intimacy starts outside of the bedroom”
I wholeheartedly agree that this gives the BEST sex. Hands down. I’d never dispute that.
You said:
“. I think that a man needs to look long and hard about how is he making his wife feel like connecting to him sexually after long hard days.”
This isn’t mutually exclusive. I think BOTH parties need to look at how they’re making each OTHER feel in this area. Does a wife make it seem like she doesn’t have time for her husband because of every day life? Why would a husband want to romance a wife like that? Why would a wife want to be excited in her intimacy with her husband if he’s treating her like garbage?
So, then, should we just wait for the other spouse to do the right thing? Or should we
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit...”
You said:
“Yes he has needs but those needs don't trump her's either.”
Actually, yes they do when you’re the wife. And when you’re the husband; the wife’s needs trump your own. Again, not mutually exclusive. Which is why that verse about not denying each other is in there. Because we’re all selfish beings who get offended or worried when (we think) others forget to put our needs as high as we think they should. But, in reality; we need to put others’ needs above our own and hope and pray others’ follow suit—not make demands so that they follow suit. That’s, aga CD in, just not biblical.
The ONLY way out of that verse for men OR women is through prayer and fasting and mutual agreement.
Again, if your way is working well for you, awesome! Then you guys have found what works. But, the last thing that needs to be taught is that women need certain emotional needs met for that verse to apply to them.
Totes agree @Sonshine . There are no "yes but" for either husbands and wife. There are verses that apply to each separately and there are no excuse for getting out for either party. It's true that each party has an easier time doing what each is commanded if the other one is being kind, but even if they are not- they must obey.
But @AlexaH I think that you are maybe just trying to remind us to meet each other's needs instead of just our own, and when we do that we truly are being the kind of servants that the Lord desires.
@Sonshine
This is false. Bare minimum, all a woman has to do is lay there. I’m not arguing about whether that’s ideal or not. Or whether sex can or should be better than that. But, it doesn’t take much more than that to have sex. We don’t have to even be aroused. Or emotionally fulfilled.
I'm going to agree to disagree on that one. If I have no emotional connection to my hubby then sex is not happening. If I just laid there my hubby would have a huge issue with this.
I was simply trying to point that both Husband and Wife should be mutually satisfying the other.
This is false. Bare minimum, all a woman has to do is lay there. I’m not arguing about whether that’s ideal or not. Or whether sex can or should be better than that. But, it doesn’t take much more than that to have sex. We don’t have to even be aroused. Or emotionally fulfilled.
I'm going to agree to disagree on that one. If I have no emotional connection to my hubby then sex is not happening. If I just laid there my hubby would have a huge issue with this.
I was simply trying to point that both Husband and Wife should be mutually satisfying the other.
@AlexaH
“I'm going to agree to disagree on that one. If I have no emotional connection to my hubby then sex is not happening. If I just laid there my hubby would have a huge issue with this.”
Okay. But, you wouldn’t be NOT having sex because you COULDN’T, physically. But, because you wouldn’t WANT to.
Hey, I get that if most sexual experiences were expected with a husband who never showed any affection or love; that would be a stretch for me, too! Totally. And, seriously, I LOVE that your hubby gives you what you desire in this area. I’m glad he doesn’t want you to just lay there. That’s the sign of a husband who is putting your wants as a priority. You’re a blessed woman!
In a perfect world each spouse is striving to satisfy the other always.
But on nights where I haven’t spoken to my husband all day and don’t feel “connected” to him, it’s not within my rights, biblically, to deny him if he wants sex with me. And I’m not going punish him for an off day.
Can I? Sure. But, that’s not what that verse is saying to do.
You have to understand, I’m speaking generally, here. I don’t know what your bedroom looks like. I’m not judging you.
But, there are women out there who don’t have husbands who are always willing to qualify for sex... or husbands that maybe CAN’T every time. For whatever reason. Who knows.
The point of this thread is that women are withholding sex, wrongly. In the general sense.
Your point is valid. Husbands and wives should definitely be striving for pleasing the other in this area.
I just refuse to acknowledge that it’s biblical for one spouse to refuse another in this area if wants/needs aren’t met.
I’d be willing to change that stance if I could find it somewhere in scripture. But, all I read there is in regards to self-sacrifice—even when you don’t want it... and husband’s and wives’ bodies belonging to each other in that area... Our bodies belong to our husband; and, likewise, theirs belong to us. I believe God designed it that way for a reason.
Lastly, you said
“ Clearly if he is basing everything off his needs then it is in direct violation of 1 Corinthians 13 and he needs to check his heart and relationship with God”
Here’s where I find the issue. You think he needs to check his heart and relationship with God (HUGE accusation) for exercising his God-given rights. Saying that practicing one scripture is in violation of another.
This accusation is just not fair. And this is what can lead women to believe that THEIR needs for emotional gratification are more important than a husband’s need for physical gratification.
“I'm going to agree to disagree on that one. If I have no emotional connection to my hubby then sex is not happening. If I just laid there my hubby would have a huge issue with this.”
Okay.
But, you wouldn’t be NOT having sex because you COULDN’T, physically. But, because you wouldn’t WANT to.Hey, I get that if most sexual experiences were expected with a husband who never showed any affection or love; that would be a stretch for me, too! Totally. And, seriously, I LOVE that your hubby gives you what you desire in this area. I’m glad he doesn’t want you to just lay there.
That’s the sign of a husband who is putting your wants as a priority. You’re a blessed woman!In a perfect world each spouse is striving to satisfy the other always.
But on nights where I haven’t spoken to my husband all day and don’t feel “connected” to him, it’s not within my rights, biblically, to deny him if he wants sex with me. And I’m not going punish him for an off day.
Can I? Sure. But, that’s not what that verse is saying to do.
You have to understand, I’m speaking generally, here. I don’t know what your bedroom looks like. I’m not judging you.
But, there are women out there who don’t have husbands who are always willing to qualify for sex... or husbands that maybe CAN’T every time. For whatever reason. Who knows.
The point of this thread is that women are withholding sex, wrongly. In the general sense.
Your point is valid. Husbands and wives should definitely be striving for pleasing the other in this area.
I just refuse to acknowledge that it’s biblical for one spouse to refuse another in this area if wants/needs aren’t met.
I’d be willing to change that stance if I could find it somewhere in scripture. But, all I read there is in regards to self-sacrifice—even when you don’t want it... and husband’s and wives’ bodies belonging to each other in that area... Our bodies belong to our husband; and, likewise, theirs belong to us.
I believe God designed it that way for a reason. Lastly, you said
“ Clearly if he is basing everything off his needs then it is in direct violation of 1 Corinthians 13 and he needs to check his heart and relationship with God”
Here’s where I find the issue. You think he needs to check his heart and relationship with God (HUGE accusation) for exercising his God-given rights. Saying that practicing one scripture is in violation of another.
This accusation is just not fair. And this is what can lead women to believe that THEIR needs for emotional gratification are more important than a husband’s need for physical gratification.
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@Sonshine love your posts!
@AlexaH I'm not nearly as diplomatic as Sonshine lol But I'll attempt to be... I'm going to have to disagree with you.
On the flip side, while men are indeed more attracted to the physical aspects of a woman, they have emotional needs as well. For a woman to dig deep and FIND desire for her husband regardless of how she feels or how tired she is, is an emotional boost for her husband. He then will feel loved and desired which in turn makes him more loving and flirty and it's a rather lovely cycle. The more selfless you both are the easier it becomes to dwell in understanding for those times when you really are dead on your feet or stressed beyond belief or what ever other things might come up.
@AlexaH I'm not nearly as diplomatic as Sonshine lol But I'll attempt to be... I'm going to have to disagree with you.
On the flip side, while men are indeed more attracted to the physical aspects of a woman, they have emotional needs as well. For a woman to dig deep and FIND desire for her husband regardless of how she feels or how tired she is, is an emotional boost for her husband. He then will feel loved and desired which in turn makes him more loving and flirty and it's a rather lovely cycle. The more selfless you both are the easier it becomes to dwell in understanding for those times when you really are dead on your feet or stressed beyond belief or what ever other things might come up.
Only the unmarried men should be allowed to vote. Wait What? Oh and the men that have two or three wives might want to abstain anyhow, LOL!
Hmmm! Emotions Shmemotions! Now, when she sits there and listens to me talk about science or math or history or sports or any other topics I love to get into like say my SimCity BuildIt game that I like to play, or she let's me show her how to play it, that's FUN!
What man doesn't get drawn into this at 19 seconds?
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DAMN STRAIGHT LOL
I was reminded of this thread when I saw....
You can see the moment the realization crosses his face that his mom is less responsible than he is. Ya, it's cute now but just wait; trouble is brewing. You can't be a parent like this and be an authority figure. You have to be the adult in the room. The most responsible one. The one they look up to.
If you're not, they'll run roughshod over you and you will not enjoy your children. They will wear you out more; making you more tired when sexy time rolls around. If your kids are well behaved and you want more, procreative sex is great. If they little terrors and you don't want any more of them, pregnancy goes from being referred to as a blessing to being refereed to as a risk. And that's a party killer.
@Foxlily is of the opinion it was a setup, she didn't eat the candy. Apparently this is some social media trend. Frankly, that's even worse. Lying to you kids is another great way to destroy your credibility as an authority figure.
Another thing that gets parents in trouble is general parenting styles. As you have more kids your parenting style needs to change to accommodate. Too many parents act like maids running around behind their children cleaning up their messes. You can get away with that with 1 kid but as you add more it quickly become a full time job just to clean up their messes. Teach them to behave and get along, to not make such big messes and to pick up after-themselves. Too many kids leave home not knowing how to cook, clean, wash laundry and other basic life skills because their parents did it for them their whole life. Involve your children in the everyday tasks of life to learn the necessary basic life skills. This leaves mom less stressed, less energetically drained, and with the option to disappear with hubby for a time should the opportunity arise.
You can see the moment the realization crosses his face that his mom is less responsible than he is. Ya, it's cute now but just wait; trouble is brewing. You can't be a parent like this and be an authority figure. You have to be the adult in the room. The most responsible one. The one they look up to.
If you're not, they'll run roughshod over you and you will not enjoy your children. They will wear you out more; making you more tired when sexy time rolls around. If your kids are well behaved and you want more, procreative sex is great. If they little terrors and you don't want any more of them, pregnancy goes from being referred to as a blessing to being refereed to as a risk. And that's a party killer.
@Foxlily is of the opinion it was a setup, she didn't eat the candy. Apparently this is some social media trend. Frankly, that's even worse. Lying to you kids is another great way to destroy your credibility as an authority figure.
Another thing that gets parents in trouble is general parenting styles. As you have more kids your parenting style needs to change to accommodate. Too many parents act like maids running around behind their children cleaning up their messes. You can get away with that with 1 kid but as you add more it quickly become a full time job just to clean up their messes. Teach them to behave and get along, to not make such big messes and to pick up after-themselves. Too many kids leave home not knowing how to cook, clean, wash laundry and other basic life skills because their parents did it for them their whole life. Involve your children in the everyday tasks of life to learn the necessary basic life skills. This leaves mom less stressed, less energetically drained, and with the option to disappear with hubby for a time should the opportunity arise.
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Lori Alexander weighs in on our topic.
The comments are good too. True to form, the female commenters couldn't help but try and rope their husbands into doing their jobs; but Lori would have nothing of it.
The comments are good too. True to form, the female commenters couldn't help but try and rope their husbands into doing their jobs; but Lori would have nothing of it.