I know this thread is a little old but I was wondering which sites you were using? Because I am on sister wives.com and I've met a few couples that were really nice. It just didn't work out because of compatibility issues. I had a lot of creeps on polygamy.com I pretty much gave up on that site.
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Online dating…pointless??
- Thread starter Amanda
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Good afternoon, @LovesDogs!
I don't know if you've read all of this thread or even the various other threads focusing on online dating, but I agree with what @cnystrom wrote about the superiority of the now-pretty-much-nonexistent message boards, but even they were inferior to the personals ads that preexisted them (some technological advances are not progress). I put a great deal of energy into dating sites (Ashley Madison, OK Cupid, POF, Zooks and sisterwives), but my first major reaction to them was to switch to being more of an observational social scientist than a participant, and all that happened over time with participation and exposure was to become increasingly cynical. @JimC met his wife on a dating site, and the fact that, very occasionally, we can point to the rare people who have formed excellent relationships that way causes most of us to continue to stoke up our hope, but I would assert that, in regard to where time will be best-spent, the successes are most certainly the exceptions to the rule, which is to say that dating sites are predominantly a waste of time other than to keep us engaged in fantasy.
sisterwives is no exception. I'm very disappointed by the owners. It does appear that they started out with good intentions, but in the end they opted for maximizing profit, and they cynically engage in numerous shady practices, including hiring women to pretend to be available -- and covertly flooding one's In Box when renewal time is approaching to ramp up that hope factor just long enough to get the credit card information once again.
I don't know if it's the dating sites, though, that are to blame for their general lack of success when it comes to forming long-term relationships. Our culture has changed, and it's simply the case that most people have become comfortable in their relative isolation, and the majority who date online are doing so at places like Tinder for the sole purpose of finding people with whom they can have entirely casual sex. This has resulted in the non-hookup sites being over-represented by women who have incredibly unrealistic expectations of who they're seeking and even more ridiculous exaggeration of their worth in the Sexual Marketplace.
On sisterwives, unless one just gets off on repeatedly beating one's head against the wall, the numbers just operate almost entirely against anyone looking for a long-term relationship based on biblical principles. A large minority percentage of the profiles are fake, and at least 80% of the real people there are polyamorists (swingers, etc.) who are predominantly looking for young women to use as playthings and then discard like toilet paper (the analogy I prefer is that polyamorists are looking for human cruise ships they can board, engorge themselves thereon and then disembark with no residual sense of responsibility). Most of the remaining people are men who already have a wife but want more. Just visit the New Member function on a daily basis, and what I'm asserting becomes obvious. Every day there are 1 or 2 or 3 new single women, but even among those who are real single women, they are being deluged with approaches by the majority of those plural men -- and being just as deluged by the much larger number of men and women looking for polyamory playthings, and the latter are offering enough more-tempting opportunities for the moment than most of the men who are looking for a permanent 2nd or 3rd (trips, etc., and don't forget that, over the age of 30, the most common expressed desire in a woman's dating profile is travel -- that you'll pay for; being courted with the enticement of an off-the-grid life of homesteading in the desert simply isn't going to be as glamorous).
As a woman on sisterwives, you no doubt received a lot of attention from men. If you aren't looking for patriarchy, you should definitely be able to find a plethora of men (and women) eager to consider you for hooking up with you, and the hooking up may not be just for the weekend, but it will rarely be permanent, because the non-patriarchal men simply aren't looking to take long-term responsibility for a woman. Unfortunately, most of the mutual-submission non-polyamorist men are already taken (i.e., they're married), so the unmarried ones probably receive as much attention online as the hot single babes. What's left are men who are working as hard as they can to implement biblical headship, but that means they will expect acquiescence to the dynamics of the patriarchy/submission dance -- and you can interact with the majority of those men right here on biblicalfamilies.org. (If you think I'm kidding, at any given moment check out who has been online at sisterwives most recently, and it's extremely rare that you won't see 2 or 3 Biblical Families men on the first page of results.)
My advice to you is no different from my advice to everyone else if one is set on following the dating site fantasy: be as thoroughly honest and forthright as one can be from the very beginning. Put exactly what you want in your first sentence, and start being entirely transparent about yourself in your second sentence. Don't hold back, figuring you'll introduce who you are or what you're really up to as you get to know someone. It's disrespectful to take that approach, and one only fools oneself with the canard that one doesn't want to scare someone off too prematurely. After all, we are talking about someone with whom one is going to have a permanent relationship, and that should be characterized by a full measure of love and obedience to Yah and Yeshua from the beginning. How often would any of us as individuals assert that the way we would want to be treated is to have vital information withheld until after emotional investment had already begun to be established?
Lastly -- and this is also an of course -- in order to effectively describe oneself accurately, one has to start with being honest with oneself, which includes knowing one's weaknesses as well as one's strengths, and, by necessity, requires an ability to describe just what it is one brings to the table beyond sexual equipment that will make one stand out among the crowds of those who also have the same sexual equipment.
we spoke on Sisterwives.com. Was not sure why you stopped responding. Modern Polygamy .com is a new one this year..
To most.
I prefer East Texas over the desert and I still have not given up on the sites. I did meet Mary on a now gone site American singles and we have been very happy for over twenty years.
I share that same feeling, that's sort of why I stopped responding to most people on there or spending any time on the site. Unfortunately it's usually the only option for me because I do not want to date locally lol
I definitely did and it was overwhelming, it was difficult to keep up with and people get upset and frustrated with you if you're not in constant contact with them but honestly i'm a bit of a loner who isn't in constant contact with anyone lol. My closest friends are the same way. We can talk to each other every once in awhile and pick up right where we left off. I felt like everyone was in such a rush, and I do understand why, I can imagine it's exciting to have a wife and sisterwife prospect. But I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere because there's 20 couples messaging you at once and it's a full time job to keep in contact with everyone. I did not enjoy that aspect of it, so I tried to just get to know a couple or two at a time and ghosted the others, I felt bad for doing it but I wasn't enjoying myself. That's sort of why I was surprised that @Amanda was having such terrible luck, the majority of people I met (aside from a couple of horror stories) were nice and some even on this site.
One of the couples I got the closest with were not patriarchal, honestly the best person i've ever dated wasn't religious or patriarchal. This could be where a lot of my skepticism about patriarchy stems from. Unfortunately you're correct about people wanting to hook up though. If their profiles even suggest to that me I don't bother responding at all, not going to waste my time or theirs.
Exactly
Oh I don't think honesty was my problem lol I was actually told by multiple people that maybe I should delete things from my profile because they were too personal and could attract the wrong type of people.
I think I did speak with Jim if I remember correctly but like my last post stated I go through these phases where I don't know what I want. I go from desiring marriage and plural marriage to enjoying my life as it is now and not wanting to change it, thus becoming disinterested and trailing off on people. I think i'm going to just take some time and get my thoughts straight.
I appreciate the advice, as usual
Hi! I'm not sure exactly either. Like I was explaining in my other post, I go through these phases of wanting marriage/plural marriage then I go back to my every day life routine and become disinterested in seeking marriage. Combine that with the fact that i'm just not sure what the heck I want anymore and i'm pretty sure that's the answer. I do apologize though.
Also thank you, I haven't heard of modern polygamy, I think i'm going to stay off of those sites for now until I have a better concept of what I want and when.
Exactly, you can't beat the desert sky view at night
Ok...so I figured I would give it a try.
Given that I am not just not on the annoying bloody site for hookups/swinging/keys in a fishbowl but that i actively have contempt for that crap, i figured i would go for a short(ish) list of bullet points. If that doesn't drive them off then I have the longest profile on the joint.
Critique? Especially from the ladies who were single and who have joined families would be very welcome.
* not here for hookups or to get laid. Absolutely not swingers looking for casual sex
* plural marriage is not something to "fix" our relationship. We love each other and have a great marriage
* only interested in romantic relationships leading to marriage or friends/networking with other
plural marriage types. Emphasis on marriage
* politically very conservative
* prepper types. If you think that is negative then we are not a match
* have not had the mRNA shots and will not under any circumstances
*exceptionally family focused and trying to build our own tribe
* not religious but see lots of value in it and would be happy to support another wife's faith
* normal, sane and no weird surprises
As someone who has spoken to you this is very accurate. And I'd like to add that speaking with you after the profile introduction is even better, you're not pushy or annoying and you don't make women feel uncomfortable. So many men and women on those sites make single women feel downright uncomfortable.
On the phone you're a pleasure to speak with as well, some of the men on these sites won't let anyone else get a word in edge-wise.
Even when we disagreed on the vaccine issue, you weren't a down right ass to me over it. You listened to me and considered my perspective. If that's any indication of how you handle your future disagreements with your other wives then they are lucky women.
Your views on submission are absolutely perfect in my opinion. I'm a woman with issues about submission but I think you would make it very easy even for a woman such as myself.
Not sure if this helps your actual question, just wanted to share my personal experience with you. I may not be able to tell you what to add or take away from your profile but I can offer advice on my actual interactions with you and I would say don't change much at all!
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Lol, you are too kind.
My primary goal is more responses and by definition to have better shot at meeting the right woman. So hopefully the bullet points will have a positive effect. I know that the not trying to boink any and all strange women will help with some and the overt anti vaxx thing will push others away. So no clue if it will be a net positive. We shall see.
Even if the numbers are lower, the effect will be a net positive -- and even if you just decrease the amount of women you were previously wasting your time on.
Well, we have our first time at bat and it was a swing and a miss.
Woman who according to her surprisingly lengthy lengthy profile should be expletives and giggles about us. Dropped a polite note, touched on points of intersection and awaited a reply. I see that she has looked at the profile and then went on her merry.
Ha!
Well I think the fact that you're serious about looking for a wife will get the point across enough, no need to really harp on the fact that you're not looking for hook-ups. I've noticed that even putting things like that in your profile thinking it will detour such people, doesn't always work. Sadly people like that have their own agenda and pursue it no matter what you write. Yet I think it's important to mention because it puts women at ease, especially once they speak with you and find out that you actually mean what you say.
Also as far as the anti-vax thing goes, maybe you could some how mention you're open to a discussion about the things you disagree on at least? I mean you were with me. You're better with wording than I am so I'll just throw the suggestion out there lol
Not sure how to rephrase the mrna thing to being open to talk about the topic without seeming as if there is some wiggle room on my/our part about taking it in the future.
Yeah I can see why, just didn't want you to come across as "too harsh" or too serious on your profile because you're really not harsh and you're actually very funny. Maybe just lighten it up a little?
Personally, I love @paterfamilias 's combination of nuts-and-bolts stream-of-consciousness essays here and his extremely congenial and very different personality when one meets him in meat space!
Can't wait for him to attend a retreat. He can sit with me in the religious outlier balcony!
I do too but my comment was directed strictly towards his profile question. I didn't want him to get too focused on one thing and forget other good qualities.
I bet you two would have some interesting conversations lol "religious outlier balcony" I like that.
Yeah...I agree I should come across as more banter like. Coming up a little dry though about making joke about ho ho the conspiracy theorist guy just turned out to be the annoying movie spoiler friend. Yeah, lame. No matter what I can think of, it is going to seem smug or dicky or amusingly crazy...well at least for the next four weeks for normies that don't pay attention to the news.
Not really going to attract the ladies with the smug know it all thing...well, not unless it is in person. Works strangely well in person for some reason.
Will ponder on how to make it fuzzy bunny and or funny without seeming like I am peeing on peoples feet.
Blah... need me a girl who finds know it all smartasses delightful and irresistible. Maybe one that want to learn to shoot three gun competition with me...hmmm
Meat space...
Need to get a banner printed.
When I get my land and am doing the homesteading gig, I will likely invite everyone for plignicing(say it out loud and it will make sense). Then all the cool kids will hang out with me round a fire pit on half cut logs and gorge ourselves on brisket and bacon wrapped squirrel or chicken or whatever is slower than me.
Who is making the potato salad?