Many of us have discovered that taking a woman as a wife who didn't know what a biblical family was has caused enormous heartache; even though the woman was perceived to be godly wife material at the time. There is much to be learnt.
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Giving your daughter in marriage...
- Thread starter IshChayil
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Exactly. There are more and bigger fish in your early 20's pond than in your early 30's pond. No sense waiting.
That's such a loaded statement that leaves me wanting more explanation.
Gold. (And, true in more than just finding a wife.)
As many of the women here have testified, and I've seen first hand, coming face to face with the reality of polygyny brings a rollercoaster of emotions. It's a huge learning curve for all and the lessons can be hard. But we trust that God is faithful so we persevere to the end that He might be glorified. That's as much of an explanation as I want to give. Cheers
I must respectfully disagree. The quantity of fish, does NOT justify rushing into something you are not prepared for.
Prov 24:27
If you are a more stable man, the best women will come to you.
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Our former orchestra director married a man who is 13 years her senior. I told her that the Bible says, "Thou shalt not marry someone who is more than 5 years apart from thee." The entire section, jumped on my case about that, but they missed the irony that I was trying to convey.
Having more money doesn't make one more prepared for marriage.
Women chase men who they find sexy. At best stability has nothing to do with that, at worst it's a negative factor.
Having the ability to earn more money, enables you to face the challenges of marriage better, without having to rely on handouts from the government, the church, or friends or family.
I did use a qualifier when I said "The best women.....". The best women seek God's will in finding a husband.
Not being upper middle class doesn't make you rely on handouts. Being middle or lower class and trying to live like upper middle class makes you rely on handouts.
There will always be challenges in marriage. What matters is how you handle those challenges, not how much money you have. Good providers get divorce raped all the time, frankly they're probably more likely to get divorced; down economic times result in reduced divorce rates.
Let me know when you find the unicorn pastures.
Love Jasher!
My boys are not coming from any privilege. They may need to be able to earn more than what they will get from a high school diploma, and it would be irresponsible for them to jump into marriage, without first planting their fields, as Proverbs states.
Well, from personal experience, I can assure that I would have never been able to handle those challenges myself, without going back and earning my MS degree.
I'm not looking for any unicorn pastures, but unicorns are mentioned in Scripture (KJV). If I were looking for them, I would look to the Savannas of Africa, or the jungles of Southeast Asia.
If you don't have a job / can't hold down a job; then it would arguably be irresponsible to get married. But people support families with just high school diplomas all the time. There is nothing irresponsible about getting married and having kids without going to college. You've turned getting a college degree into a moral issue. This is the same old churchian way of turning upper middle class values into religious ones. But it's not true and hopelessly out of touch with the modern economy.
No sense of humor...
Married couple here making 6 figures plus, entrepreneurs, small businesses, I get to stay at home and homeschool while running a business from home, no mortgage, no car payments, no school loans, no debt, no college degrees! Not to toot our own horn, but just to counter the idea that one needs a degree to succeed economically and in marriage, and encourage others. Been married 15 years, 2 kids, could have easily raised many more financially if it had worked out that way. Had a rough month here and there, but who hasn't? Just made us stronger, increased our love and faith in each other and Yahuah.
I am not arguing that you need a college degree to be set financially. You are in the situation I want my sons to be in when they marry.
...and my hubby was only 20 when we got married. He was an airman in the Air Force living in a dorm making nothing, but he had more commitment than any 50 year old college grad I've ever known. When I got pregnant with the 2nd, I got out of the Air Force, and he took a 2nd job so I could stay home with the babies until he was able to get his income high enough to pay the bills with one job. That's a man! He has an amazing work ethic now and works 6 days a week because he can, not because he has to.
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Daniel, the problem is, single college males are no saints (I have no degree, but I went to college long enough to know it wasn't the path for me, and what the guys on campus were like), and they will have sex whether they are married or not. Like the Bible says, because of all the fornication in the world, it's best for every man to have a wife, and every wife to have a husband. My husband's Messianic step dad required my husband's brother to finish school and get a career before marrying his high school sweetheart. If they would have been allowed to marry after high school, they would have married as virgins. Instead, they moved in together, and he got piercings and tatoos and joined a band while attending college several years before they both dropped out of school, and he joined the Army so he could marry her. In other words, he could care less about school because those were his dad's dreams and goals, not his, he had no clue what he wanted to do with his life or what to study. Marriage, children, and the military made him grow up and take his future seriously. Now as a mature and responsible husband, soldier, and father, the Army is paying for his med school, he's a combat nurse. As a newly enlisted troop, you better believe they struggled at first, but 3 kids later, they are doing much better than the middle son who became an engineer, is in his 30s, says he us still lonely, depressed, and looking for a wife. The guy ain't ugly and he makes good money, but he sleeps around and gets drunk because he's lonely and won't settle down.
I would argue that both men and women should have some marketable skill by learning a trade if they do not attend college. Ideally, an apprenticeship would be the best route, but vocational/technical school may be needed for some occupations. We need to teach our daughters just as much as our sons.
Whoa! Now we are getting into child rearing and how to train up your children, which is an entirely different topic! I just want my sons to wait a little longer, because I know they can have children later in life. If I ever have a daughter, I won't be so concerned about whether she waits a little longer or not, until she has the means to provide some income, but I want my sons to be able to provide for as many wives and children as the Lord gives into their bosoms, and to not have the struggles I had to face with car problems, and here in Texas, AC is a must, and I have had the electricity and phone service cut off in my home. I had to pay my way through college, and that work ethic built character, and that is the kind of character I want to see in my boys. I warn my sons about Delilah. I want them to find a Ruth. When I ask my son whether the young woman he is interested in, is a Ruth or a Delilah, he always jokes that she is like DeRuthlah. I know that finding a Ruth is like finding a needle in a haystack, and if he is able to find one in college, so be it. If he finds one or two fresh out of high school, and he can earn enough to provide for them on a single income, GREAT! If he can build his career without going to college, I am all for it! If he is intent on jumping into marriage with no specialized job skills, I am going to slam on the brakes.
I was in the US Army Reserve, training at Ft Leonardwood, MO in 1989. The foul language and crude jokes, and vulgarity were off the charts. The tales the men told of their sexual conquests, made my college experience seem tame. In college I hung out with a small group of believers who were committed Christians who loved the Lord and loved one another. I found them by wearing a Christian T Shirt into the cafeteria one morning. I prayed before my meal, and when I finished praying, there was a brother in Christ sitting across from me. He introduced me to his friends and some praise music thatI had never heard before, and that had a profound impact on me. Your children will always be like those that they hang around. My older son hates the way that most of his classmates behave. He hates the fact that they get involved in underage drinking. He broke up with his girlfriend, as he saw that she was going that route. He detests some of the behavior of the young people in his church youth group, who act holy on Sunday, and act like the world, the rest of the week.
Having said all that, women are NOT ubiquitous! Indeed, some may have a checkered past, and when it comes to finding a wife, I don't think he will expect perfection. I know he would love to have his girlfriend back, if she were to turn her life around. Character is the key, and a woman of noble character, isn't chasing a man simply because she thinks he is sexy. The woman who might take a man for all his worth, in a divorce settlement, are more likely to be that shallow, and I sense some people here have experienced that in a prior marriage. There ARE women out there though, who ARE seeking God's will in finding a husband, and those are the women I want my boys to marry, and if and when my wife comes around on polygamy, I will want to marry one of them as well.
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