That is sad. The positive side of this is that your wife has had a 'dummy run' and got to experience a bunch of emotions without it being the 'real' thing. And you get to see how she'll handle things, and what her needs, and your needs, are going to be when it does happen. Lots to process and learn and grow, all good things!
I did but when someone believes differently for 50 years it’s hard to convince them otherwise
I have always thought it would be better if we could work together to help drop these truth bombs on the women we may be interested in. That would mitigate the risk that we typically face when considering making such a move. This is a great thread though for discussing what does and does not work.
We may be consigned to only finding younger women who might be willing to come around. By the time they hit their 40s and 50s, their biological clock is no longer ticking, so they have nothing more to lose.
We definitely learned a lot of lessons. Some of them painful lessons. Learned what and what not to do if there is a next time.
Anything shareable here?
Look for women who are actually interested in this from the beginning or that you’re pretty sure are. Some other people started to hear we were interested in her, like her family, and they started to get mad. Didn’t want to listen to anything other than what they had always been taught. Also, we probably rushed it too fast which apparently did not sit well.
Answer was per my expectations.
biblicalfamilies.org
into a relationship to get what they want.
I was writing mine as you posted yours, I think we nailed it.Answer was per my expectations.
C'mon guys here. What else was to be expected?
When has any woman choosen man after listening to his logical speech? Never. I'm certain many had gotten bored and were thinking: "What to say to avoid offending boring man, while saving myself from boredom for life".
Anyway, "seduction community" has already figured out formulas for having threesomes and multiple girlfriends who know each other.
Your vibe she could be accepting is because you could sense her attraction for you. Did you decided to build even more attraction? No, you wrote 15-page paper.
Anyone who expected otherwise must for homeword read again @Eristophanes epic in full:
Polygyny and Male Attraction
UntoldGlory Trigger Warning: Epic Long Posts Ahead. This has kind of been bubbling its way to the surface, not so much in response, but as a result of some of the recent posts and comments over the past 6 months or so. Ginny's "Letter From The Front Lines" finally got me going. Samuel...
Lesson not learned: Attraction is neeeded for marriage and even more attraction for plural marriage. How to increase attraction? Again epic has good model.
Proper approach would be to keep raising her attraction, starting using touch and avoid polygamy talk.
Touch is needed because ts signals preference for sexual relationship. I don't mean hug at start and end of time together. More than that.
She would start thinking about you in sexual way which would get her thinking about sharing.
Regarding polygamy talk most you should do is throw one/two jokes about you just to plant idea in her head. It could take several months for this to grow. You had gone to fast.
When she becomes interested in sharing, she would first check with your wife.
Anyway, situation can be salvaged. Shut up about polygamy, spend time together and instead of writing papers figure out how to increase touching.
Not the same situation. We need months, not years.We could take quite a few pages out of The Groomer’s Handbook, if there was one.
We get too optimistic and assume that people would see the logic as we see it.
We actually need to BE groomers in a positive way.
Their main tool is patience, patience, patience, and a side order of patience. Something that we really stink at.
I’ve just had to deal with a lad that was being groomed, (and I don’t think that we are out of the woods yet) and these guys are willing to put years
It wasn’t necessarily about 15 page papers as it was taking it too fast and not allowing things to develop more. Lesson learnedAnswer was per my expectations.
C'mon guys here. What else was to be expected?
When has any woman choosen man after listening to his logical speech? Never. I'm certain many had gotten bored and were thinking: "What to say to avoid offending boring man, while saving myself from boredom for life".
Anyway, "seduction community" has already figured out formulas for having threesomes and multiple girlfriends who know each other.
Your vibe she could be accepting is because you could sense her attraction for you. Did you decided to build even more attraction? No, you wrote 15-page paper.
Anyone who expected otherwise must for homeword read again @Eristophanes epic in full:
Polygyny and Male Attraction
UntoldGlory Trigger Warning: Epic Long Posts Ahead. This has kind of been bubbling its way to the surface, not so much in response, but as a result of some of the recent posts and comments over the past 6 months or so. Ginny's "Letter From The Front Lines" finally got me going. Samuel...
Lesson not learned: Attraction is neeeded for marriage and even more attraction for plural marriage. How to increase attraction? Again epic has good model.
Proper approach would be to keep raising her attraction, starting using touch and avoid polygamy talk.
Touch is needed because ts signals preference for sexual relationship. I don't mean hug at start and end of time together. More than that.
She would start thinking about you in sexual way which would get her thinking about sharing.
Regarding polygamy talk most you should do is throw one/two jokes about you just to plant idea in her head. It could take several months for this to grow. You had gone to fast.
When she becomes interested in sharing, she would first check with your wife.
Anyway, situation can be salvaged. Shut up about polygamy, spend time together and instead of writing papers figure out how to increase touching.
It took 3 years of working with my wife gently in order to get her to the place of acceptance.
You could have put that in all-caps.... IMPATIENCE ISN'T HELPFUL.
Perhaps one that I have learned is that we men are terrible at reading women.
We men want things to happen ASAP. Quick, fast, and in a hurry.
My hubby did precisely the opposite. He didn't push anything, not with myself years ago, or my sisterwife last year. He did not even offer to HUG!
Your comment reminds me about something with both my wives. Before we married my first wife would visit my house under the guise of wanting to discuss the Bible study we were both involved in. She told me after we married she would try and time her visit when she knew I would be having a workout on my home gym gear. My second wife liked to video chat with me while I was having a workout as, she claimed, it fitted best with her time to relax after work. But she told me later she got super turned on watching. It seems women are just as attracted to and enjoy seeing their man all hot and sweaty, and pumped as a man enjoys seeing women.
That is a valid point. If a woman is already a Christian it could well tip the scales in your favour.
Class of 90!! Same here. I've been blessed with a younger wife (34) and we have 5 kids and we hope to add more with some help