That's okay. We're equally bad at understanding men even when you guys are perfectly clear about things.
<--- That chick in the picture there is speaking from experience!
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How to bring up Biblical marriage
- Thread starter NBTX11
- Start date
That's okay. We're equally bad at understanding men even when you guys are perfectly clear about things.
<--- That chick in the picture there is speaking from experience!
Children of God
Member
Yeah my wife was born when I got my driver's license but somehow we are a perfect match. Not sure if she's just more mature or I'm still a kid at heart
You’re 3 years older than my daughter, who was born in 1993.
My post isn't about papers. It is how wrong your mindset is which made you produce paper. You are at risk of not getting it. If you did get it, you wouldn't need to write your post.
Lesson to be learned isn't to go slower. Lesson to learn is to focus on generating attraction. And being faster generally does generate attraction because it makes men seen as decisive and going for what he wants.
She has to be sufficient desirious of you to make her logical part of brain disregard social consequences of man-sharing. Every "other woman" knows what she is doing is socially unacceptable, a bad position to be. It does makes you more vulnerable due to lack of support. Only her desire for man enables this threat warning to be shut down.
By the way, in "seduction community" standard advice for multiple girlfriends is to start sleeping with them, avoid all "define relationship" talk for at least 3 month and then tell the truth. Goal is to get girl sufficiently invested in her man to avoid her running away when she find the truth about sharing.
If your potential second lady was desirious of you, she could barely wait till you are again together.
Christians believe that physical attraction in marriage should be replaced with something "higher". Idiotical, if you ask me.
Touch is very useful, not absoluty neccessary. Sometimes, there exists too much touch.
Finally, somebody was written useful actionable advice. Well done ❤@Daniel DeLuca.
If you had read @Eristophanes epic obvious conclusion is that you aren't high value man for your lady.
Why would woman accept sharing regular guy when she can replace him with another regular guy without crazy ideas?
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If they could find one, your question would make sense.
Please explain. I'm not getting what you are trying to say.
My sentence is rhetorical question. It's not meant to be answered, but to drive point.
Your question assumes that they could find a good man that doesn’t have crazy (polygynous) ideas.
The point is that good men are like parking spaces, all the good ones are taken and all that is left are the Handicap ones.
(I know it isn’t universally true and it also applies to the other gender.)
If a woman wants a good guy, she’s probably going to have to share.
A lot of women cannot get or keep an "average guy". The woman NBTX11 is referencing is over 50 and has never married.
Likewise, if a man wants multiple good women, then it doesn't hurt to be an exceptionally good man.
It is good that you are able to praise and trust God in this matter.
You may have made mistakes in how you went about this, but you did act in honor.
I note that you said she "feels it's wrong". That's a good point. She doesn't "know it's wrong" based on Biblical truth, she feels it because she has been taught wrongly her whole life.
I think you two are of one accord here. Please shake hands on your mutual understanding and move on.
This is a sticky and complicated issue.
You are partly right. In many ways attraction is more important to women than truth. This is probably magnified with polygyny.
The pickup/game/attraction/red pill community has given us a lot of useful information about male female relations and how to generate attraction. Much of this information is sadly not well understood (and is often wrongly suppressed) in Christian circles.
I read and/or listened to a bunch of stuff from those guys a few years back (RooshV, Heartiste, Rollo Tomassi, Kevin Samuels, Vox Day, Dalrock, etc.).
I learned a lot from them, but also believe that the servant of Jesus Christ must be very careful when utilizing their techniques.
Pickup artists look for casual sexual hookups while the man of God desires marriage.
Furthermore, some of the techniques suggested by these guys are very manipulative. The man of God is bound by the Law of God. He has to treat his Christian sister with the highest degree of honor, integrity, and love. He follows the golden rule.
Can a married man in good conscience seek to intentionally generate intense sexual attraction in a Christian woman who believes polygyny to be sin? Is he causing her to stumble?
We know it isn't a sin for a single woman to desire a married man, but she doesn't get that. It seems like her conscience would be wounded.
I'm not saying a Christian man shouldn't seek to be attractive. I'm saying it is a sticky issue.
I'll suggest that there is generally nothing wrong with a man seeking to be more desirable in terms of confidence, boldness, successfulness, clothing, and physical fitness.
Things like flirting, negging, teasing, and deliberate touch take it to the next level. Be careful about that stuff.
Exactly what happened. Her and her family are opposed based on decades of false teaching. In retrospect I should have taken much, much longer for this process, but I read her wrong. She had zero problems flirting with me but when I dropped truth bombs everything grounded to a halt. I went too fast. I ******* up.
Look, if @MemeFan was critiquing my conduct in the blunt way he is critiquing yours, I'd be upset too - but that's just his manner of speaking. From a cold external perspective, there is a lot of value in what everyone is saying. This thread is inspired by you @NBTX11 as it is discussing your situation. But it will be read by many others, who seek to learn from your mistakes. The analysis of others will be very valuable for other readers seeking to avoid this and work out a better way forward.
Remember that this thread is entitled "How to bring up Biblical Marriage", and now it is filling up with responses that explain how to do so, alongside a real-world example. This makes it an incredibly valuable thread that will be something others refer to in the future when they are seeking answers to this question. And it would not have that value if people did not analyse your situation to this extent.
So, sorry that you're caught in the crosshairs here. But try to take this as not directed at you, but as directed at future readers who wish to learn from your example.
I think it best for a woman to understand the truth before a man expresses interest. That takes a while when a lie is so deeply ingrained.
It's rough and not one man in a hundred would have been "successful" in your situation.
If only that were always possible.
Where are all these women who understand the truth? The ones on dating sites are either nuts (no offense to anyone), are non-Christians into crazy stuff, or scam artists, with a few genuine women sprinkled in. One of the reasons we tried to go with someone we knew. In hindsight, was not a great idea.
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It was sure not a bad idea. I remember years ago some poly family suggesting you tell everyone you know so they can help you find someone. Now THAT is a bad idea! Lol
Most of the problem is women have had their brains wired all wrong. They look for a serious marriage minded man among those who have yet to commit. They have been conditioned to see proven men as unavailable. This is not going to change overnight, or even in a generation unless TSHTF and war changes the gender ratio in a major undeniable way.
I was told by my sisterwife that me bringing the subject up and being positive about it made a big difference. That had my husband been positive and me unsure it would have been a no go.
Your wife's cousin may see it different in time.
My hubby had to wrap his mind around us being very different in a majorly incomprehensible way. I never minded the idea of him having another love and he would NEVER be OK with the reverse. It took time to let the hearts catch up to the new perspective.
Another thing I know (for me at least) is that hope springs eternal. Once you decide this sounds nice....letting the idea go just doesn't really happen.