You're right. I doubt I would abandon this search at this point.
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How to bring up Biblical marriage
- Thread starter NBTX11
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I don't see looking for another wife as any different from looking for a first wife. Make lots of female friends and build good biblically sound relationships. Be that guy women find attractive and want to be with. Be the guy women crave to have a relationship with and want to jump your bones. If it worked to secure the affections of one woman, why can't it work again (and again, and...) for another woman? Or am I missing something?
The women may find me attractive, but every one of them thinks it's wrong.
Looking for a first wife was easy back then. I was available in her mind. That is the big key. Your advice about making friends and building sound relationships seems good though.
Today, women mostly offer their bodies on "trial" before asking for commintment.
Getting another man for "trial" is trivial issue for women. Takers won't be scarce. Getting man whom she considers worthy to commit to her is tricky question for women.
You aren't having right approach toward Red pill. It is foremost praxis which is similar to science. Both describe world-as-is, not what ougth to be done. Description of world itself is always value neutral, while knowledge usage isn't.
Knowing what happens to human body after being thrown from 5th floor is value neutral and by itself out of ethical considerations. Should we throw somebody out is ethical question.
Science is seek to understand world, while praxis is about what work without seeking why. Why is science's domain.
Advice be nice toward others in order to have many friends is praxis. It works and there isn't theory way.
If you were totally unattractive to your wife, you would be divorced man.
Seems they have started polygyny talk. That was good for you. Only issue would be moving fro. bad impressions of polygyny toward positive one. You definitly needed longer courtship.
Bolded is key issue. If woman doesn't see you available or able to keep you, she is drop you from her considered choices.
If a woman would first eliminate the bottom feeders that would be willing to take her body on trial, the job would be a lot easier.
It is amazingly different from our perspective.
Marrying a man in a mono marriage has few societal costs to a woman. She can expect to keep her friends, her job, and her family. She can also expect to have no one act or behave differently toward her in public.
Marrying as a plural has significant societal costs to a woman. She can expect to lose her friends, her job, and her family. She can also expect to ostracized in public. There is also the risk of government intrusion and the loss of custody of any children she has with her husband and even the loss of property and money.
Like it or not a plural also has fewer rights in the family compared to the legal first wife.
A typical woman will marry a typical man.
But a typical man should not expect to attract a plural. It must be an extraordinary man to attract a plural and make it worth it to her to endure the societal costs of being a plural.
We have a few such men around here and I suggest that any man seeking this life should get to know these men and pay very close attention to their wisdom, knowledge, faith, and conduct. And then do those things.
This is a mistake. You have a wife who you should be attracting every single day. Pay more attention to your current wife and any potential plural will see how you will treat her too.
I pay great attention to my wife @MsPurple1 Ask her. She is greatly attracted to me. You misapplied what I said. You have no idea how I treat my wife and you were presumptuous. She’s extremely well treated.
I was strictly talking about courtship for marriage NOT attraction or treatment of my wife after marriage.
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Hey! At least you didn't get kicked out of a church for making a move! </Looking in mirror> That is why I am trying the "Approach her father first" endeavor this time around.
Yeah I’m actually going to reach out to her father once things die down. He’s more level headed and will probably listen to reason. Her sister found out and is probably spreading a bunch of bad comments about us though. Did not get kicked out of any churches. I actually don’t think I will. Current pastor values scripture and is open to reason.
You might want to go down that road first.
Even a pastor who values scripture may have a reaction if he thinks that you are acting in what he considers an underhanded manner on something that he hasn’t endorsed from the pulpit.
MeganC, my husband has always treated me with the utmost respect and love!! For you to assume that he treats me wrong is wrong in itself. He always goes out of his way to make sure I know he loves and respects me. Maybe you should’ve asked before making a huge assumption.
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I think her comment was in direct response to his saying he hasn't had to attract a woman and wasn't presuming anything just making note that all men should be constantly trying to attract their wives.
No I was told to “pay more attention” to my wife. I already do that. I pay great attention to her. She is well loved and cared for each and every day. I don’t go around telling wives to pay more attention to their husbands. Especially if I don’t know their family. It’s not my place.
To a plural these are not separate things.
Why thank you! I'll add on another hint that sometimes we forget to do. Make the woman laugh! For some reason, when a man makes a woman laugh a lot, it stirs up those happy feelings in her, and she naturally tends to fall in love with the man who is responsible for making her feel that way. It's weird, because it doesn't work that way with us guys, but a lot of that ability to be funny comes from confidence and from not getting your own emotions too tied up in the woman you are interested in. Of course we tend to get more nervous around the HV women whom we desire, so again, you might want to practice your humor on someone you are not so interested in, in order to build that level of confidence that you will need.
My pastor and I are close personal friends who have known each other for 20 years. He may not preach polygyny from the pulpit but he will listen and consider my views.
Possibly I wasn’t crystal clear. I pursued her before marriage and do so to this day each and every day after 31 years of happy marriage.
That can be a dicey proposition though, especially if you are heavily involved in the church. You might be asked to step down from a position of leadership, if you directly bring up your position in a way that seems like you already know that it is not wrong.